What a week!

I don't even know where to begin - but this last week has been one I do not wish to repeat anytime soon!!

When I last posted, it was Thursday and I had been feeling rather odd. And now I shall divulge more as to why...

I had the first part of my Cat Scan on Monday (mmm radiation) but I also went to my GP that day.

If you follow me on Twitter you may have seen I posted about a rogue mole playing up the other week, so off I trotted to the GP last Monday. Basically I got referred to a Skin Cancer Clinic which totally knocked my brain. Yes, my GP was following procedure, I know a lot of the treatments IBD patients have are also related to cancer, and Humira can make your body do strange things. But no one had ever said the C word to me. It has quite the effect.

Anyway, I'm happier to talk about that now as I had the appointment today and tis benign. YAY for one part of my body doing the right thing!

However on the advice of the senior doctor I am booked in to have it removed as they don't want it to potentially cause more problems/worries in the future - especially whilst I'm on Humira.

To top off what was a pretty shitty Thursday [see here for my ramblings on that day] I got called into my office at work that afternoon. And well, I lost my job.

The magazine I was working on wasn't doing too well (I checked if it was down to me and was assured it was a problem with the product), and I was the only salesperson on it (the other staff being editorial for other mags too) so by default goodbye to Harriet. What a shit day.

What was more annoying about it was they moved my probation period due to my op, and so I was still in it when they let me go. No redundancy pay for me! Just more stress and worry about what the bloody hell I'm going to do with my life!

Naturally, I have since wondered whether it was an indirect way of getting rid of me without saying it was because of my Crohn's. I let them know in my interview you see and although it's quite a grey area, I understand legally they can't get rid of me solely on that basis.

Does make the mind play tricks on you though. And it also makes me panic that I'm going to have to go through the same thing all over again with a new employer. Any of you reading this that have an IBD, will know the difficulty in getting teachers/lecturers/tutors/employers to understand what it's like living with a chronic disease.

Just feel incredibly lost at the moment, like the rug has been pulled from under me and now I have to get myself back to normality with no clue of what I want to do.

On that note, I shall leave you with some info from the Crohn's & Colitis webpage:

Crohn's and Ulcerative Colitis can affect young people during their education, or as they become established in their career. Most sufferers can be maintained in remission for most of the time, and are able to lead a full working life. Unfortunately, some who have severe disease do not achieve their educational and career potential.

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Disconnected

Today I feel like I've been punched in the brain.

My poos and pains are no different from any other day - but today I just feel disconnected, like I'm having an outer body experience.

I say to colleagues that I'm feeling 'poorly' but I don't even know what I mean when I say it? It's like it's a handy generic sweeping statement to let them know that I am having a bad day.

Sitting in the work toilet having a cry is not how I wanted to start my day. But even when crying, I didn't know why I was or what the reason may be...

I want to assume it's because I'm a little overwhelmed with everything (moving hospitals, paperwork and what not) but even that should be a generally positive experience; I've been waiting ages for things to get moving in the right direction.

So I guess we put it down to my dips that I sometimes have. And perhaps I need to stop looking for a reason every time I feel a bit crappy.

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Jerking Limbs

I sort of wanted to write about this, but then again I didn't. Because I don't know what it is or why it happens!

But essentially, for a while now my upper body - mainly my arms - randomly jerk out and twist, or one shoulder hunches up super fast (and it's becoming more frequent)

It's so difficult to explain! So tricky in fact, I don't even know what to type into Google...

Sometimes it hurts; not so much from doing the action, more what the action was. The other day it happened and it felt like I'd just given myself a crick in the neck. Other times I have accidentally hit myself when it's happened.

I have to laugh about it, because I do find it mighty odd. But my boyfriend points it out more often now, as do my colleagues, but I've never really known why I'm all twitchy and limby ha.

I don't think it's anything to do with my medicine I'm on/have been on. But I also haven't been looking for a correlation between the two? 

The only way to describe it would be to say it almost feels like I'm getting a shiver, but I don't shiver I just throw an elbow/wrist/arm/shoulder out.

I'm such a weirdo haha.

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