Woah to 2

WE ARE HAVING ANOTHER BABY *klaxon*

We're going to be a family of 4. Two children. A second spud due for arrival in September. Woah.

I still find it quite mind blowing that my husband and I coped (?!) with the secrecy of those early pregnancy days, whilst our first born was having the worst health experiences of his little life so far. Such a dramatic overlap.

The six weeks of knowing there's a new human growing, but weren't yet scanned and in the 'safe zone', all the while being tested in ways that you hope to never be tested as a parent... I found that really tough. My emotions went through the ringer; wanting to do everything for my son yet trying to stay calm for the unborn. I wanted to shout from the rooftops that we were expecting another child, so please bear with me if I seem wildly overemotional. And yes I would like some gas and air in the ambulance, thank you please. However, we had to make sure our son was all right and another few weeks of sshing about the bab wouldn't hurt. Now we've been scanned. We've seen the tiny spud. My rooftop shouting can really take off.

We actually found out we were expecting the day before our son's first seizure episode. Talk about highs and lows in a condensed space of time! But due to terrible period maths on my part, I had no idea how pregnant I was. I did guessing based on whether I took multiple tampons to my Christmas do - even with that, I wasn't sure if that meant I was nearly finished or had just come on? So in short. No. I don't know when my last period was. I just knew that the four different tests all suggested that there wasn't going to be another period anytime soon. All sticks pointed to POSITIVE.

It was all very surreal because that technically meant that we were going to be parents of two. Jesus. The toddler terrible twos are very much a thing we're in the middle of - so what happens when you have a toddler and a newborn?! I once heard the phrase that when it comes to multiple children, two is a zoo. And there we were... positively pregnant with a second. Zoo, here we come.

Did the relevant admin with the midwife and got booked in for our dating scan. We were so close to being able to tell people (as long as all was well) and I could sense the anticipation of no longer having to dress in a sack and walk like Quasi Modo to hide the bump. Yet as I mentioned with my bad period maths, our scan meant we were actually only 10 weeks pregnant. So not able to officially announce the second bab - and equally not pregnant enough to have the first set of screenings, either. This also meant another due date after measuring the little thing. Back in two and a bit weeks to do the proper dating scan then!

The longest two weeks of all time, yet there we sat, looking at the new bean on the screen. I cried. I've felt so emotional this whole pregnancy - not sure if it's because of the timings/circumstances around when we found out? Or that my awareness has heightened with regards to pregnancy not going the way it's supposed to. It's most likely a combination of all, but at least I had the take home from that appointment that our new bean was doing well. Everything looked as it should. We also had another due date now they could actually measure crown to rump...it's a late September baby! (Minus a week or so due to elective c-section so my arse doesn't fall out in pushing, thank you Crohn's). So yes, now we can tell friends and family the good news. I can be preg and proud.

I'm so pleased that I took the time to blog every week when pregnant beforehand - and despite my slack writing since then - I have decided to do it again with this bab. I'm currently 15+6, my turn of the weeks being on a Wednesday. I want to document all the iddy biddy feelings and share how different (or not) they are from the first time round. And I'm going to try and be a trendy mum-to-be with an outfit post each week too. Because my word, this bab has popped right out. Muscle memory, or whatever it is... I don't know how I'm going to dress this speedy bump. Unitards? Tents? I'll be sure to share the weekly outcomes regardless.

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Who Am I?

It seems my blogging hiatuses are getting wildly out of hand. Over seven months this time. Maybe you're wondering who I even am? It's been so long!

I suppose my main reason for the break was to focus on getting better from the crazy flare I had over Winter, and to try and get back to 'normal' with regards to routine in both work and home. And I got there! Ish. I mean, I've been back at work properly since February and am also now in the depths of trying to buy a house which can go on to become my home.

Whenever I have a break from writing it's always quite a challenge for me to get back on that hypothetical bike; there's always that moment of WHAT IF NOBODY WANTS TO READ THIS ANYMORE?! Yet I've decided that actually, that's fine. Because I know I find writing therapeutic. I know I enjoy sharing my thoughts.

So for anyone that is reading/cares, brief summary of (essentially) 2018 thus far:

• Back working full time
• Been a wife for nearly eleven months
• Off all meds to try and reset my body/see what state it's left in
• Turned 30
• Continued to watch my son become the funniest little human 
• Trying to buy a house

I don't know if it's because I've had a milestone birthday?? But I've done a lot of thinking this year. And more recently in particular, I've done a lot of thinking about what direction I want my writing to go.

I think I've mentioned it before, in that this obviously began as a way for me to talk about my Crohn's and was started at a time where I was due the largest operation I'd had. I was shit scared. I didn't know what lay ahead, but I was already aware of the duff hand I'd been dealt re my health. Time passed, I blogged about the arse situations my body had thrown at me - and I'd like to think that on the whole I coped (!) with it all rather well. Then I had a reassessment of here blog and decided Hattie, etc. was the way forward. I was more than my Crohn's. And I wanted this platform to be a representation of that. The natural progression was to then write about being preg - which honestly, I look back at all my posts from when I was that first-time mama-to-be and I am so so glad I wrote as often as I did. Things that for the life of me, I cannot remember happening, yet I have all my thoughts and feelings sitting there in this hub to relive.

That then leads me to now, though. Not pregnant. Still very much an active Crohn's patient. Where do I go from here? What do I write about? What do I have to say?

There are things that have happened that quite frankly I would have loved to have written about so openly, but as with anything...time and a place...and often it's not the right time. Or necessarily the right place. It can be a challenge to work through life's hurdles anyway, let alone when you get bad news; or terribly sad news; or news that you would just rather have on another day when you feel like you can deal with it better.

One thing I've learnt as I've got older (and also since I've become a mother), is that there are a lot of things that I have no control over - try as I might - but it's how I deal with situations, which will help shape me as a person. Who I am as a mum. Who I am at work. Who I am as an individual. Who I am as a wife. Who I am within my family. Who I am as a friend.

And maybe that's what I write about now? Who I am. Who actually am I?

I'm not promising any fantastic content that will provide you with endless laughs or equally all the tears. But as I delve deeper into my 30s I plan on writing as many of my experiences as I go: family holidays, being a mother to a glorious little boy, tales of being a wife, buying a family home and the subsequent interior design (FINALLY. Time to release my inner Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen *puts on a pussybow blouse with a fluted sleeve*) And maybe also for that one day in the future when I'm a mama-to-be again. Perhaps even some of my outfits, whilst I'm at it.

Because that's who I am. I am all of those things. I am like a human dodecahedron and I want to write all about it.

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Dancing Humbug

First Year

One full year since we welcomed our little boy into the world. And now we're parents to an already independent, chatty, funny little boy who has (somehow) managed to use his eyebrows to express his feelings - in context - since the day he arrived.

I say it every year, but this last year has been one of the quickest in my life. It has also been simultaneously one of the most rewarding and challenging.

Let's take it back to the start...

Anyone that followed my blog previously will have read the journey we went on throughout my pregnancy with regards to my Crohn's. Around this time last year it was my elective c-section date; elective due to previous abdominal Crohn's operations; c-section so my arse didn't fall out when pushing. Our bags were packed and off we headed to the hospital on the Friday morning ready to have a baby by lunchtime. And we did! Everything went as planned as it can and we were home by the Sunday. A weekend of new baby.

How that was a year ago is utterly beyond me. Even when looking at photos, it still doesn't quite compute that I've been pregnant, had a baby and now he's one.

But it's times like this weekend just gone, at his first birthday party (which let's be honest, he had no clue about, because why would he?!) and seeing him with his little mannerisms and movements, his interactions with others; it's intriguing watching him grow and develop into a proper little boy. How much he's changed over the last few months in particular - so close to walking...a few waddles and then a slow sit down to the floor again - yet you can see that determination there. It's fascinating and it makes me excited for what else is to come as he continues to grow up and become his own person.

Can we just take a moment to discuss a child's first birthday party though? What a strange party to have. The guest of honour is completely unaware of the occasion; it's mainly for photos and the memories for others and to look back and say "this is what we did for your first birthday". Because you can't do nothing, it's their first birthday! First ever celebration of birth! Equally you know that from age 2 and onwards, the parties will be much better... So you do baking in rainbow coloured sponge, you get the pink wafers and party ring biscuits and you display the finger food along side the bottles of squash. And at least I finally had a good reason to eat kids' party food: I was hosting an actual kid's party this time.

But being surrounded by all of our family and friends, it made me ever so thankful and realise how lucky we truly are as our own family to have such wonderful people around us.

Because it gets tough sometimes. Parenting is genuinely all the clichés you get told beforehand. I have learnt so much in what seems like such a short space of time. You are thrown in the deep end and learn on the job as a new parent - each day is different and throws challenges at you - some days are harder than others, but that's ok. The majority of people will have been through it too, at some point. And even if you are doing everything in your power to provide the best for your child, you will still read an article that makes you question how you are as a mummy or daddy, or hear the advice givers and nay-sayers and wonder what more you could be doing. My son makes me proud every day. And I have to know that as his mummy I am doing everything I can for him. And so is his daddy.

Happy First Birthday Son.
We love you very much.

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Cheers & Change

Earlier on this week I posted a well overdue message of thanks to our friends and family, as we've only got around to going through everything now the Christmas break is all done. (So again) wow; the other half and I are completely overwhelmed with everyone's kind words and generosity with their gifts. I just wanted to reiterate how thankful we are...tip top welcoming of our son into the world, guys.

When reading through the congratulations and looking at photos from the first couple of weeks you realise how much your little human changes - and how quickly it happens. Other parents tell you to make the most of when they're a newborn because it doesn't last very long. They're not wrong! Me and the little fella had his six week check up today with the Health Visitor and as he was lying there being weighed, he looked like a proper little boy. Already. Not the small human lump he has been since his arrival back in November. There he was, his big open eyes looking around. The cooing and gurgling (and grunting?!) Lifting his head up and checking out the scenery. His face has changed so much.

But because he is only six weeks - that's not even 50 days old yet - I still get cuddles with my tiny spud; his little legs all froggy and tucked up like he's in my womb. There is honestly no feeling like it. I HAVE A SON. WE MADE A TINY HUMAN AND NOW HE'S HERE IN REAL LIFE. Barmy isn't it?!

As you can sense I'm still having moments of what the ruddy hell?! We. Are. Parents. It really is quite the baptism of fire with almost every day bringing a new experience as a first-time mummy and daddy. FYI, it's true what they say; you can read all the advice books in the world beforehand, but nothing actually prepares you for when your small human comes home.

But he is here. And now we officially have our own line on the family tree.
(It's true. He's legally registered as a human being and everything)
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And then there were three

Quite the cliffhanger I left you guys on...

But our bump to baby day was just that; and now we're 6 weeks in to being a little family of three thanks to our new addition of a little baby BOY! My slight inkling towards the end of pregnancy suggesting my bab be might be a girl was proved wrong at 12:37pm on 18th November as we welcomed a tiny human boy via c-section, weighing 6lbs 9oz.

I had every intention of writing about the whole birthing experience sooner than now - but I became utterly consumed by our new baby and I wanted to just enjoy my new role as Mummy to our spud. If you happen to follow me on Instagram then there's no doubt you would have seen my new family goings on as I continue to fill my feed with Baby Spam. FYI, Baby Spamming looks highly unlikely to stop in 2017 so by all means jump on board, chaps. Or don't. I don't mind, 'tis your call.

The last six weeks have flown by though and it's amazing how much has gone on during that time. My venture into parenthood has, generally speaking, been one of the most incredible things that's happened in my life so far and I feel it deserves a more detailed blog post (which will follow in the New Year). I say 'generally speaking' as naturally when you try anything new, there will always be trials and tribulations as you find your feet. And my word first-time parenthood has some steep learning curves! Like, I don't know, learning how to function with no sleep and a baby on your boob. Wouldn't change it for the world, mind.

For now however, I wanted to say that I hope you all had a smashing Christmas and enjoy this evening as we say ta ta and farewell to 2016 and look forward to what 2017 has to offer. But I also wanted to say a massive thank you for reading my ramblings as this year saw me take on my biggest adventure yet.

Happy New Year from one hormonal and proud Mummy. Here's to doing the 'pump and dump' so Mummy can have a few glasses of bubbles or a wkd blue.

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3 More Sleeps

Just 3 more days for my to fill my time as a pregnant woman, waddling around with a small human inside me.

I can't quite believe we're here already. Mentally I feel about 30 weeks pregnant - like I just haven't been pregnant long enough to be able to have a baby on Friday. Yet physically I am more than aware that it's almost that time.

As I mentioned in my last post, I have now compiled all my #bumpingalong photos and it's amazing to see the change in my body. Especially when there are particular photos I see and I remember thinking wowza my bump is huge when in reality it was probably week 18 and more of a swollen bloat-type bump compared to what it is now!

This is my final #bumpingalong at Week 38; non-maternity clothes (Topshop size 12 dress and a size 12 cardigan from Primark), paired with thick and wild pregnancy hair that I don't quite know what to do with.

And here is my journey from Week 14 to Week 38 with a few extra bump shots thrown in for good measure...

Admittedly the lack of consistency with square photos has really niggled at my OCD, but hey ho. The sentiment is the same when you compare the earlier photos to the ones from the third trimester. So big and round.

#bumpingalong aside, I have spent the last few days of my nesting getting my head around the forthcoming c-section, as I realised I haven't thought about this procedure the way I would have with my Crohn's ops. I'm not too concerned with the recovery part of the c-section because of having had previous abdominal operations, I'm pretty used to negotiating my way around with pain down that way (oh so glam). However saying that, I've never had to recover from a major op with a newborn. So will let you know how that goes!? It's when you let yourself think about what is actually being done though; cutting through the abdomen and uterus. But I just want what's best for baby; I am confident and happy with both the gastro team and midwives that have looked after me at my hospital. I'm in good hands and that's all I can ask for.

Whereas my Crohn's ops were a literal pain in the arse accompanied with hope that it'll calm down a wee bit and edge me to remission, at the end of this hospital visit we will have the most amazing little person in our arms; someone that we made and are ready to love unconditionally for the rest of our lives. This is why I am so excited for Friday - if not before - as it will be life changing in the most wonderful way and it's an adventure that we are more than ready to begin, as our own little family. Our own line on the family tree. A little unit of three ready to take on the world.

Now to make some more soups for the freezer. Mama's gotta eat.

X

Penultimate Week

And everything is slowly winding down/building up (depending on how you look at it) to the day our baby arrives.

Week 37's #bumpingalong was an odd one as I realised it was the penultimate photo in the little series I started out of curiosity way back at Week 14. This week's outfit was a monochromatic affair in maternity leggings from ASOS with non-maternity jumper from New Look in a size 12 and the required winter accessories for these dark evenings.

Jazzy hat in London town

Also had my final night out out as a preg for a 30th birthday; wore a non-maternity dress from Topshop in a size 10 but it's ever so stretchy and kind. Although when getting ready had the whole meltdown of NOTHING FITS ME ANYMORE. WHEN IS THIS BABY GOING TO BE OUT OF ME. I CAN'T SEE MY FEET. HOLD ME. CAN YOU DO UP MY SHOE. But I had a lovely time and it was ever so bizarre being asked about how far gone I was only to reply with "oh, we'll have our baby in two weeks". So surreal - especially now we're a handful of days away. Where is the time going?!

Multiple me to hide the kitchen

I think I'm going to compile all the #bumpingalong photos together to see how my body has changed during this pregnancy; the nearer we get to meeting the small human, the more I've realised how much I'm going to miss my bump when it's gone. Like I've said before, I feel considerably lucky to have enjoyed my pregnancy as much as I have, as it is honestly one of the best experiences of my life. To essentially put my Crohn's into remission alone is something I never thought would happen - but to have gone on and been able to make the most of all that pregnancy brings has just been magical (heartburn aside). Makes me all sorts of emotional thinking about it (NB: pregnancy, not heartburn).

Talking of being totes emosh, I have given up with how wild my hormones have become in this last week. I will be the first to say I've been a nightmare. Not because I've been hard work and mean - but because I have been doing the type of crying when you get saggy shoulders and you just sit there like a sad sack, sobbing on the edge of the bed. But no, don't worry, I don't need anything. Just having a good cry *cue a concerned other half whilst the mascara drips down my face and onto the top of my bump leaving a dramatic watery black line*

And talking about my bump...

This is my bump at 37+4 and I look like a dinosaur egg. I'm still not very wide which is why I have moments when I think how have I got a 50cm and 3kg person in here?! But when I see myself at this angle I can definitely see where my baby is. Weighed myself this morning and I've put on a total of 18kg on since the end of February and it amazes me that just under a third of that will most likely be lost in a day. It must be the weirdest feeling walking around afterwards - the weight gain is so slow to then suddenly oh so much lighter. Floating almost.

Nesting is all but complete - with a variety of meals batch cooked and in the freezer for when we lose the ability to function and feed ourselves. If you want to know cooking things, I have listed these with the recipe inspirations on another post which you can get to here.

The last thing I want to do re nesting before the miniature one comes is another whizz around the house with the duster and the hoover in hand. And buy an outside bin. Otherwise I am more than content with my maternal preparations - with regards to the house anyway. Will post during the week about my emotional maternal prep for the impending events, as that's a whole other ball game.

And now to enjoy what is left of our last weekend as a two before we're a family of three...

Absolutely fine with having a child this coming week

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Batch Cooking

I have had a fair few people tell me that batch cooking is an absolute life saver once baby is here as it seems that you essentially forget how to function - whether that be due to the lack of sleep, working out how to be with a brand new person and routine, or just to make life a little bit easier. Either way, get cooking and freezing, pal.

So that's what I've done!

Have only made three meals this week, might squeeze in one more before bab comes. But below are the recipes I used as inspiration in case you want to make any of them. I like to go off on a tangent every now and then, but also because I don't like anchovies, so just no. They are not included in anything. Tailor the below to your own tastebuds and I'm sure you'll have a lovely time.

Pea & Mint Soup
This recipe is from BBC Good Food and was so surprisingly easy I think I'll make a couple more soups. But yes, not much more to say as, well...it's a soup.

Chilli Con Carne
Enjoy cooking recipes from Jamie Oliver as he's so slap dash and when I first started cooking his approach was the best for me. This is super tasty though and a good one for those meals when you need to use up what's in your cupboard. Thrifty.

Shepherd's Pie
Got to have a Winter Warmer in there, haven't you? This one is from BBC Food and I most definitely did not include the optional anchovy - I'm not a fool. Freezer tip for this one being to freeze the mash and the mince filling separately. Then when it comes to eating, once defrosted just build the pie as you would if cooking fresh and then whack in the oven.

When all meals were cooked I split them into indiviudual portions in freezer bags; dated and labelled, of course. As if you won't know what 'mashed potato' is without the label (what type of nester have I become?!)

But hopefully my crazy nesting has made it all that little bit easier as we adjust to life with our tiny new person to look after...

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Baby Show-time

The other half was off work this last week and we were all sorts of busy with the final preparations for our small human; due to arrive in 16 days. I'm sorry - 16 days?! Time is not real life any more it seems...

Having been quiet on the blogging front it means there are a couple of #bumpingalongs to catch up on too.

Week 34 was at The Baby Show and I am a true ball-up-jumper vision. Standard maternity jeans from Topshop with a non-maternity Size L jumper from H&M.

At The Baby Show the man and I picked out our last (!) few - albeit key - items. We have opted for the iCandy Peach for the bab's travel system, collected our MaxiCosi Pebble Plus as well as a Nuna Leaf for their seat, plus a Baby Bjorn carrier. And some other bargain bits, because, Baby Show. Will let you know how they all work out once they're up and running as functional items with a real baby in them (still having moments of OH MY GOD WE'RE HAVING A BABY VERY SOON NOW)

Week 35 was also on location after our final hospital appointment with the midwife. Birth plan is finalised now, although we are aware that there is every possibility of it changing once labour and birth begins. Hopefully if everything goes as planned, there are some aspects to our bab's birth that are as 'normal' as can be in an elective c-section. But here I am wearing a variety of khaki items; maternity Topshop jeans, Size L t-shirt from H&M and my winter coat in a Size 8 from Topshop, also non-maternity. 'Baby on Board' badge and Big Ben an additional bonus.

And now to week 36 after an Autumnal walk and day date to the local brewery - keg in hand. Lemonade for me, of course. This outfit that I cobbled together is made up of my maternity jeans (sense the pattern of no other trousers fitting me anymore), a maternity shirt from Topshop with my non-maternity camo jacket and winter accessories. Comfort for the win still.

As it stands I am officially past 9 months pregnant now and as much as I am wanting baby to stay in until their 'due' date, I am beginning to understand the cliché phrases you see on the internet. This includes everything with regards to nesting - which FYI, I am still absolutely bossing - but also the memes of feeling like the last trimester of pregnancy lasts approximately 5426 days.

But hey. What's another 16 days until we're only counting down the hours?!

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Planning a Planned Arrival

Can't quite believe we're so close now! We had our 34 week appointment today with the c-section doctors, which naturally got me thinking about how you plan for a planned arrival...

I'm very much in the stage of pregnancy where I am completely freaking out, my dreams are stupidly vivid, I can't sleep for baby movement and all I can do is worry about what lies ahead. Will I be a good mum? Will baby be ok? What actually happens in a caesarean? I've read a lot recently that confirms that all of the above is normal and of course it's good to share my thoughts because it's not unusual to worry. It's a huge thing, after all! We've made a human being. I'm just going to have to wait and see, as I can't get myself all worked up over the unknown (a mantra I lived by with my Crohn's).

But my appointment today made me a tad nervous; it's the same as with my Crohn's ops in that you essentially consent to everything and wait and see what we find when they open you up.

We had confirmation today that due to previous abdo operations, my Gastro team will be in the theatre with the c-section team, myself and my other half. Hopefully when they make the incision, my bowel and scar tissue haven't caused too much of a problem in which case the Gastro team can bid farewell and then we can get baby out in a routine way. If however it obstructs what needs doing to access baby, they'll do their bit and then let the obstetricians take over. A little revolving door of surgeons around my nethers, if you will.

Like with any surgery there are risks; although there's been talk of a stoma and colostomy beforehand when I had my resection back in 2013, I didn't realise that it could be something that pops up in regards to when I deliver my baby. I guess in my mind I kept my bum issues separate from my front bum bits. There are of course risks associated with a routine c-section too, with everything from wound infection and bleeding to a hysterectomy. So yes, I'm a little worried. But as I used to say with my Crohn's ops, I was just another bottom to them - and this is just another caesarean. We have planned as much as we can and all we can do is hope that everything runs smoothly! In 30 days time.

Now I'm officially on maternity leave (post following shortly) I am just going to put all my energy into nesting and try not to let my worries get the better of me. And I'm also going to avoid reading some of the shite on the internet about how a c-section is the "easy way out" and that I'm "not giving birth" as I've had my baby "surgically removed".

I'll have to get back to you on that.

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Pregnancy Lent

Kind of. We're now less than 40 days and 40 nights and there will probably be a lot of pancakes consumed by yours truly.

Officially (as I type) we have 37 days to go until our c-section date and the list of things to do/buy before the human arrives is getting that bit smaller; which means it's getting that bit more real still. I said at the start of blogging about my pregnancy that although it's Biology 101 for how a baby is made and grows, it is still one of the most fascinating things I have ever experienced in my life. I still consider myself extremely lucky to have had a relatively 'normal' pregnancy with regards to my Crohn's calming down - and if it comes back once bab is out, then I will cross that bridge when I get there. But at least I've been able to feel like I have carried this baby with little to no complications thus far. Just can't let my arse fall out at the final hurdle, to quote my gastro surgeon.

Talking of bottoms...seamless link...

I think more needs to be said about HOW CONSTIPATED YOU GET IN THE THIRD TRIMESTER. Let alone how you feel like Windy Miller with the air just falling out of you, top and bottom. I'm a disgrace. Thank god I've been with my other half for 9 years, because the romance has well and truly died recently! I'm not used to having bowel movements like a bus service on a Sunday in a village. My bowels pre-preg were a 10-15 times a day situation. I don't know how to deal with this once a day malarkey!? How do you people do it? I feel like it's just not enough. But hey, if bab slows down my digestive system to a snail's pace, then that is the less frequent shitting hand I've been dealt. It frees up so much time! Although saying that, the toilet dashes have been replaced by toilet dashes...just for a number one instead. But still so much quicker! Even if you need to do all the weeing, what with the baby pushing down on the organs. And sneezing still makes me nervous, mind - ruddy pelvic floors *squeezes muscles*

Did a version of a #bumpingalong for my 33 weeks (got to get the lift pics in whilst I can) and I'm kitted out in head to toe maternity Topshop. Even gave a nursing bra a run out and I felt so free. Big ol' wobbly mama-to-be boobies. And despite my breasts being the largest they've ever been in my life, my baby bump is so much further out - hence my human pyramid effect.

So yep, this week and it's my last week of work; all finished on Thursday. I will do a final work-based #bumpingalong and a post about maternity leave, as I'm already finding the concept quite odd. It's a real mix of emotions.

But for now, I think I've done a good bit of oversharing...

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The Age of the Potato

It's happened. I've become a human spud in the torso.

Had a christening over the weekend and despite feeling all sorts of lovely in my dress, looking back at photos I can see that yes - my body has become one big potato. My bump is very out now. And I've learnt that from this point forward, it's where I put on 1 to 2lbs/week as part of pregnancy. Let the expansion continue! It's also easier for me to get through gaps head on rather than turning sideways and knocking everything with the bab bump.

Here's my week 32 #bumpingalong (trying to stay on top of it!) and I am wearing maternity leggings from ASOS with a non-maternity tunic type dress from last year's Topshop in a size 12. The dress was a go-to when I was Crohn's bloated - 'tis nice and roomy in the middle and the pattern is also great camouflage.

Baby has been a regular hiccupper for a good few weeks; I read somewhere the other day that says if baby is hiccupping too much after 32 weeks that it's something to talk to the midwife about? Has anyone else heard this? I believe it's because it could mean the cord is around the small person's neck. Keeping an eye on that fo' sho. Although my first-time-parent anxiety is somewhat alleviated now we've reached a point in pregnancy where if baby arrives, we're medically kind of ok. Ish.

The movement from this baby though! It's incredible, albeit painful at times, how much they move around. And to feel an actual body not just seeing my belly wobble. The moving is making my other half oh so excited to meet our baby...it makes my heart swell seeing him like this. I can't wait!

Don't get me wrong I am still panicking about everything else that being a parent involves as there's only so much prep you can do before they're here. It's 45 days until this baby is definitely out of my womb and into my arms.

And this is my last full week at work.

HOLY SHITBALLS.

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Mama Fashion

Have been a tad slack with blogging around the #bumpingalong what with generally getting more pregnant and having things to do. So thought I'd post about the last couple of outfits I've put together as it's definitely tougher dressing the bump.

Week 30
For my birthday back in May my gals got me tickets to London Fashion Weekend and it was just as fashionably wonderful as I thought it would be.

The #LFWEND outfit consisted of a Bluebell Maternity dress from ASOS paired with black patent block heel ankle boots from New Look. Incredibly comfortable, albeit I hadn't worn heels in forever so it looked like I had club foot by the time I got home. Slave to fashion and all that *only wears soft clothes now, mind*

Week 31

This week's #bumpingalong photo was taken after watching McFly (teenage self swooooons) and being outOUT at 8 months pregnant really was something else. Massive shoutout to the O2 Forum at Kentish Town though for giving my friend and I wristbands so we could go in the special access area to be more comfortable - didn't even ask! Excellent service and made for a much more enjoyable concert. Thank you, thank you.

But onto the outfit... my go-to maternity jeans from Topshop, plain black maternity vest from New Look and then my spontaneous purchase from London Fashion Weekend; a black sheer maxi dress from Never Fully Dressed.

Best of the Rest
A sports luxe look for a weekend stroll - maternity polo neck and maternity croc-effect wet look leggings both from ASOS worn with a slinky bomber jacket from Primark.

(Excuse the set up, I'd try to fit in a cardboard box. No particular reason why.) Outfit is made up of Primark non-maternity culottes from last Summer paired with the other maternity polo neck from ASOS. Disclaimer in that the culottes had really risen up - they usually fall just below the knee, but gravity.

Here's me trying, and failing, to see whether I can push the boundaries of non-maternity clothes in certain styles. It seems not, as this was a dress that just would not zip up. But a beautiful dress nonetheless from Topshop for the non-preg amongst us.

More success with actual maternity wear at Topshop with this ace shirt.

And finally here's me welcoming in all things Autumn in a large non-maternity mustard jumper from H&M with - you've guessed it - my maternity jeans from Topshop.

Still after the illusive preg unitard I spoke of when newly pregnant. But as the colder seasons draw in, I am more than ready to be in soft and comfortable clothing. Especially with all this extra downward pressure in my vagine.

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Pack 'Em Up

31 weeks and all antenatal classes complete! Labour, c-sections, recovery, breastfeeding, bathing, generally looking after a small human...we are informed.

Informed, yes. Totally ready? Not quite. But sure.

The antenatal classes have been really helpful though in taking all the bits we've read over the last 8 months and preparing us to put it all into practice.

And so onto this week, which is the week of the 'hospital bag'. Packing the hospital bags though make everything seem that bit more real. Throughout my pregnancy there have been moments when it's like OH. WE ARE ACTUALLY HAVING A BABY, but then you just carry on being pregnant and stuff. Like when we decided nursery colours, when we built the furniture, when the nursery was complete. When browsing online for buggies and car seats and slings and learning what a travel system is. Let alone hitting the physical preg milestones that take you aback as there's a real life human growing inside.

Looking online it seems that you need to take everything you've ever owned with you to the hospital. There are a few bits that are irrelevant as we're having a caesarean, but generally there is a fair bit of packing to do! It also advises that it's split so that mama has a bag, and then a bag for dad and baby in case I'm whisked away somewhere.

Pinterest browsing (again) for all the bits and bobs

The baby's movements have gone from me feeling ripples to acknowledging that yes, that is definitely a foot, or a tiny back and little bottom. Blows my mind! After all, it's under 50 days to go now.

The parents-to-be (and a celebratory ale)

Had my penultimate midwife appointment yesterday and it's always a relief hearing baby's heart beating away nice and strong - and it got me thinking about how far into pregnancy we are and how I still have no clue as to whether I'm carrying a girl or boy. Will I ever get a sense of what my baby is? Am I out of touch to have no idea? All other preg women I've spoken to have had an inkling of what they're carrying; which has either been proved correct when they've given birth, or they've found out at their 20wk scan and they're bang on. The hormones in pregnancy are a funny thing because you have these irrational moments where you let your mind wander and then suddenly you're just a big ol' pregnant weepy lump, sitting on your sofa talking away to your small human saying sorry you don't know what they are.

Well at least I know I'm definitely carrying a baby. Despite my dream the other night about giving birth to a kitten.

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Thirties

We are 30 weeks pregnant. THIRTY. That only leaves 8 weeks until we're booked in. Whatever happens in the coming weeks we will definitely have a baby in 59 days.

Had a bit of a tricky weekend and subsequent morning today, mind. Heartburn still causing me grief - so much so I vomited on myself in the shower from burping. Nice. My Braxton Hicks are certainly getting stronger and making it much harder to stand up straight when they're present. All part and parcel of entering the 8 months preg club I guess!

However what I wasn't expecting this early was to lose a little bit of my plug.

There's no way to discuss it without being gross, so if preg detailed talk is too much, scroll down to the safe zone my friend...

Naturally, reading up on your mucus plug isn't the most pleasant of topics but something that needed to be done when you see what can only be described as a blob of clearish snot where it shouldn't be. A quick phone call with my midwives confirmed that as there was no pink in colour or blood, labour isn't imminent (can be anything from a few hours or few weeks if the full plug, or 'show', has happened). But that it does sound like some has come out and to keep an eye on things down there, rest up, etc.

Now I'm contending with pressure in my nethers, knowing baby is head down and that I'm without some of my plug. Please don't try and leave just yet oh miniature one! I haven't even packed your hospital bag!

*SAFE ZONE*

Needless to say there will be a delayed #bumpingalong picture as I am not wearing anything that's publicly acceptable; pants, t-shirt. A for-my-eyes-only vibe. I did manage to shave my legs all on my own though - except now they look like sausage meat.

So quick catch up on our first antenatal class last week for you: it was all about Intervention & Caesareans, the latter being the main bit for us. Hearing about being induced and seeing some of the tools used made my tummy go all funny. Yet strangely, talking frankly about the proceedings in a c-section didn't really phase me. I guess it's because I've had 14 ops with my Crohn's so a surgical set up is almost more favourable for me than a natural one!? Surgical is my natural set up.

Tonight's class is all about boobies. Well, officially Feeding Baby. But breastfeeding and bottle feeding, I believe. I've tried to get a bit of a head start and started reading 'Breastfeeding Made Easy' by Geraldine Miskin as I'd love to be able to breastfeed my human that I'm growing. I am aware however that it's not something all mums are able to do, whether by choice or otherwise, so I don't want to put pressure on myself if it turns out that my boobies can't do the feeding.

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Flammable Insides

Heartburn in the later stages of pregnancy is quite possibly the worst feeling I have ever experienced in my life. Slightly dramatic, perhaps. But the level of discomfort is something else?! It's not even just around when I eat; 'tis all day, errrr day. Acid, ooph, ouch, burp, oh bit of food's come up, lovely, ahh the burn, nausea, burp, rub chest in annoyance. Repeat to fade.

I had tried the 'Princess and the Pea' approach of all the pillows in bed but that's just impractical and annoying. So popped to the GP and have been given some Omeprazole to take and this can also be boosted with Gaviscon as and when, if required. I feel a tad like my Nana - she's always got the Gaviscon to hand.
It's funny how heartburn is also something that mums have said they really don't miss now they're no longer preg. For someone that has never had heartburn before, I believe I too will look forward to the day when I don't feel like there is FIRE TRAVELLING UP MY OESOPHAGUS AND INTO MY MOUTH.

Onto more exciting news though...we're 29 weeks today and have our first antenatal class tonight! This session is all on Intervention and Caesareans. Got to have my game face on and I imagine this will obviously be key to what lies ahead for us. Intrigued to see what the other parents-to-be will be like too. Young, old, first baby, etc. New parenting friends.

There's also another mini heatwave this week. Joy. Please note the high level of sarcasm. All I want to do now is wrap myself up in a woolen poncho, sit indoors and let my preg body spread. I don't want highs of 30 degrees thank you when I'm having to commute. Not now...it's mid September. When is Autumn happening?! Naturally this means that I'm still (begrudgingly) dragging out the Summer items and today's #bumpingalong is a non-maternity H&M jersey dress in a Small.

A nautical buoy

I feel like my bump has really changed shape over the last week. It's become more round? I haven't been very pregnant on my sides - my profile has always been very OUT and from the back I still don't look too preg. But the bump has suddenly become very much like a big ol' massive ball. And can anyone see my ass? It's grown enough to find it's way out of my knickers and cause me consistent wedgies, but side on it appears to be M.I.A.

I also feel like my torso isn't long enough at all to house this baby though. Everything is starting to feel very squashed internally; all up in my ribs and right down into my vagine. How the baby is going to find room to keep growing I just don't know! Someone is going to have to start rolling me to wherever I need to be as my metamorphosis into a human weeble continues.

(Officially) 9 weeks to go.

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Getting Low

This baby is down, but certainly not out - yet.

And I obviously am referring to baby's position in my uterus, rather than their emotional state.

Saw the midwife on Wednesday and I explained exactly how I was feeling with regards to the pressurised nethers. We had a listen of baby and their little heart was pumping away nice and regular; always a relieving feeling. But my bab also took the midwife by surprise with the force in which they kicked...we have a strong one inside! My midwife said how typically you get the ripples and what not at this stage, but always good to see such strong movement from the baby. Well done to our human.

She then did the usual process of feeling where baby is positioned and straight away said that she could understand why I am so uncomfortable. It appears that baby is definitely head down and very low - usually found around the mid-thirty weeks [that matched up to all the bits I read online in forums, etc.] However for me not to worry as baby can stay there for a good while and they've not yet twisted around to be engaged. Naturally though, I would quite like the miniature one to stay in there as long as possible please! But the other half and I also understand that baby is going to come, when baby is going to come and there's not much we can do about it! In the meantime we've been told to keep a closer eye on my Braxton Hicks as they've been causing me quite a bit of pain and discomfort - but irregularly, which is the way we want it to stay for now. If in doubt then we call the midwives and talk through what's going on and take it from there...

For baby's arrival, the man and I have been doing a countdown to week 38 as that's when we're booked in for our c-section, but there were suggestions of working back from week 37 instead as medically this is when they consider a baby full term; anywhere between 37 and 42 weeks is good. So say for instance our little one makes an early appearance at 34 weeks, technically they're only going to be 3 weeks early (from what's considered a full term baby) as opposed to 6 weeks early (with the 40 week total). Does that make sense? I believe baby just gets extra layers of fat after 37 weeks that aren't essential to life - they're all readymade by then.

In other news, H&M aren't helping the situation when it comes to tiny clothes. So it appears I accidentally bought some more for our tiny person.

BUT WILL YOU JUST LOOK AT THE HAT.

Had my rhesus injection this afternoon which was just a big ball of crap feeling in my arm. Will only have to have this again if baby is of a positive blood type and our bloods cross at birth. To be honest, a crappy injection will be the least of my concerns when I'm there all c-sectioned! (Is c-sectioned a verb? Strong phrase all the same). Such a predicament though with my Anti-D injection; I'm right handed but I also sleep on my left. What arm to sacrifice for the day?! I opted to give up my right arm as I have every intention of getting horizontal to nap asap. Complete preparation for our first weekend of nothing.

No official plans and I can't ruddy wait. Ahh to just lay down in soft clothes with my bump guardian...bliss.

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Baby Showering

I was treated by all my nearest and dearest gals to a bloody lovely Baby Shower this weekend. Such a wonderful day. And of course as soon as I walked in and sat down I had a cry because, hormones. But in the loveliest way, naturally.

Few snapshots of vintage tea party fun:

We're also (somehow) at 28 weeks today and I seem to have embodied all of the stereotypical third trimester feelings in the last week: taking forever to roll over and get comfortable, only to realise I was more comfortable where I was. My desire to wear trousers is ever decreasing. Not being able to get up without moaning. And of course the approach of can't reach it, don't need it. 

Which brings me nicely to my #bumpingalong for today. Disclaimer in that I'm very tired and generally moving is annoying me. I also have a baby who is full of the hiccups. So today you've got me in what is considered perhaps an impractical/unprofessional, yet comfortable fleeting moment at my desk.

NB: This is not how I sit all day. Oh but if only I could.

Clothes are all non-maternity as fortunately I bought clothes many moons ago that were apparently built for a pregnant woman's figure anyway! So loose jumpsuit/pinafore item (?!) is from asos and is a size 12, paired with a size L H&M jersey stretchy top. Choker and red lippy optional - I just felt a bit French when getting ready this morning. I also need a hair wash, but you can't have it all.

With regards to the miniature human's nursery we're pretty much there now! We've got a few major items still to get, like the pram and car seat, but we're more than happy to wait a while to get those. The nursery has taken shape in the way that we hoped it would and now all that's really missing is our little person. Everything they need is just SO small. My heart explodes every time I go in the room because it makes me realise how real everything is now and how everything is going to change. But again, in the loveliest - albeit challenging - of ways.

Almost there!

From a building point of view things have slowed down now, but from an admin and midwife point of view it seems to only be just beginning! I have the midwife twice this week as I am O negative blood type which means I am part of 15% of women that are rhesus negative. Because of this it means I have to have an Anti-D injection at 28 weeks and maybe again at the birth if the blood of myself and baby were to cross. It's not so much a worry with this pregnancy, it may just mean that some extra care is needed to avoid any problems if I was to get pregnant again.

Essentially, if my baby is rhesus positive and their blood gets into my bloodstream, my immune system can develop antibodies against the rhesus antigens. If I was to be pregnant with another rhesus positive baby next time round, my antibodies can attack that baby's red blood cells which could potentially result in haemolytic disease of the newborn. This leads to anaemia and jaundice in the baby. [More info] So injection visit is the plan for this week!

Now all I really want to do is have a bath and a lie down whilst this active baby carries on dancing.

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