All the Things

Not really sure how to start these posts now, when it’s more of a current health update, as opposed to the woes of yesteryear (NB: 2020). But if I’m going to ramble on about certain IBD situs, then I guess I might as well keep you informed with the now...

Had my appointment with Gastro on Monday. Essentially my bloods say I’m anaemic again and I need another iron infusion; they want to get up my arse with another colonoscopy to assess post-op if my 12 weekly home injections of biologic meds needs increasing to every 8 weeks instead; to try not to lift my sons due to the abdominal hernias and then could I please shit in a pot for a stool sample (my words, not theirs). All this before pending surgery, if covid deadlines allow. So that’s a barrel of laughs ahead!

And whilst I’m dreading any letter that arrives with a hospital postmark in case it’s my kidney operation date, I had one arrive this week for the eye hospital because *spoiler alert* apparently Crohn’s can also affect your eyeballs and get inflamed there too. Specsavers weren’t too sure what was going on in my left eye and thought it best I got referred to the eye specialists. Lovely time.

I mean, I’d be lying if I said I’m ok with the volume of things that seem to be happening in one go? So as a distraction I’m going to try and complete my half marathon walk this coming week. Ideally in one day, but, you know, I’m a little bit broken inside ha. Plus it’s also very warm at the moment - don’t want to be chafing as I stride up a hill with a big stick.

Will let you know when I’ve walked my walk and whether I can stand up by the end of it. For now though, I plan on sitting in my garden in the sunshine and listen to my children play. Make the most of the fleeting British summertime.

X

My JustGiving page 

Who Am I?

It seems my blogging hiatuses are getting wildly out of hand. Over seven months this time. Maybe you're wondering who I even am? It's been so long!

I suppose my main reason for the break was to focus on getting better from the crazy flare I had over Winter, and to try and get back to 'normal' with regards to routine in both work and home. And I got there! Ish. I mean, I've been back at work properly since February and am also now in the depths of trying to buy a house which can go on to become my home.

Whenever I have a break from writing it's always quite a challenge for me to get back on that hypothetical bike; there's always that moment of WHAT IF NOBODY WANTS TO READ THIS ANYMORE?! Yet I've decided that actually, that's fine. Because I know I find writing therapeutic. I know I enjoy sharing my thoughts.

So for anyone that is reading/cares, brief summary of (essentially) 2018 thus far:

• Back working full time
• Been a wife for nearly eleven months
• Off all meds to try and reset my body/see what state it's left in
• Turned 30
• Continued to watch my son become the funniest little human 
• Trying to buy a house

I don't know if it's because I've had a milestone birthday?? But I've done a lot of thinking this year. And more recently in particular, I've done a lot of thinking about what direction I want my writing to go.

I think I've mentioned it before, in that this obviously began as a way for me to talk about my Crohn's and was started at a time where I was due the largest operation I'd had. I was shit scared. I didn't know what lay ahead, but I was already aware of the duff hand I'd been dealt re my health. Time passed, I blogged about the arse situations my body had thrown at me - and I'd like to think that on the whole I coped (!) with it all rather well. Then I had a reassessment of here blog and decided Hattie, etc. was the way forward. I was more than my Crohn's. And I wanted this platform to be a representation of that. The natural progression was to then write about being preg - which honestly, I look back at all my posts from when I was that first-time mama-to-be and I am so so glad I wrote as often as I did. Things that for the life of me, I cannot remember happening, yet I have all my thoughts and feelings sitting there in this hub to relive.

That then leads me to now, though. Not pregnant. Still very much an active Crohn's patient. Where do I go from here? What do I write about? What do I have to say?

There are things that have happened that quite frankly I would have loved to have written about so openly, but as with anything...time and a place...and often it's not the right time. Or necessarily the right place. It can be a challenge to work through life's hurdles anyway, let alone when you get bad news; or terribly sad news; or news that you would just rather have on another day when you feel like you can deal with it better.

One thing I've learnt as I've got older (and also since I've become a mother), is that there are a lot of things that I have no control over - try as I might - but it's how I deal with situations, which will help shape me as a person. Who I am as a mum. Who I am at work. Who I am as an individual. Who I am as a wife. Who I am within my family. Who I am as a friend.

And maybe that's what I write about now? Who I am. Who actually am I?

I'm not promising any fantastic content that will provide you with endless laughs or equally all the tears. But as I delve deeper into my 30s I plan on writing as many of my experiences as I go: family holidays, being a mother to a glorious little boy, tales of being a wife, buying a family home and the subsequent interior design (FINALLY. Time to release my inner Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen *puts on a pussybow blouse with a fluted sleeve*) And maybe also for that one day in the future when I'm a mama-to-be again. Perhaps even some of my outfits, whilst I'm at it.

Because that's who I am. I am all of those things. I am like a human dodecahedron and I want to write all about it.

X

Dancing Humbug

Headspace

If you follow me on social media, you would have seen that this week has been quite a challenging one for me - especially with regards to my Crohn’s and how I’m maybe not handling it in the best way this time. It’s an emotionally draining disease: the rollercoaster of feelings you can have in such a short space of time is quite overwhelming and this particular flare up seems different. I don’t know why, it just does. In all likelihood it could be down to the fact that I currently have no ‘normality’ yet; I’m still in a settling in period. My mundane routines are shot to hell what with the relocation from London, being a newlywed, going back to work after Maternity Leave and the mum-guilt associated with that. My support network is still there, oh for sure. But my personal go-to coping mechanisms aren’t necessarily.

I guess I just don’t feel like I have that guarantee this time, where my mind doesn’t need to flap so much (I have zero reason to think things won’t be ok and I am more than aware at the irrationality *eye rolls at self*) But for instance, these are the things I worry about…how I haven’t been back at work long enough to feel like I can prove myself, e.g. when my insides go mental don’t worry guys! Because when I’m healthy, oh I’m grand. Or to know how to function as a Mummy when really poorly. Or worrying about WHAT IS THE ACTUAL PLAN WITH MY CROHN’S. And when you’re sitting in a hospital bed on your lonesome in the middle of the night, you can’t help but let your mind wander.

There just seems so much uncertainty and for a woman who likes a plan…this one’s tough.

I spoke with my IBD nurses at the hospital and they recommended reaching out to the psychologists here. I’ve always been very vocal how for me counselling has been a great help – I’ve tried a variety over the years from one-to-one youth counselling, to a more general CBT approach and also group sessions for people with other chronic conditions. And now I feel that I need another outlet. For who I am as a person now. As a mother. As a wife. As a new West Country bumpkin. Where do I fit in and how do I learn how to manage with my Crohn’s for the current set up? Excuse the wanky term, but that’s a ‘journey’ that I’m going to have to go on and hopefully find out some of those answers.

I need to learn that only I put pressure on myself to be worrying for everyone one else in the world. But hey, once a worrier! But also that it’s key to know it’s all right that there’ll be things out of my control and everything will be just fine whether I’m in hospital or not. Whether I sit in this bed for another two weeks or I’m allowed home tomorrow. And that I’m also no use to anyone if I don’t allow myself time to get better: do as I’m told. Do as the doctors say. Rest when told. Let my body do its thing. Because my Crohn’s alone looks to be laden with many more hurdles and challenges over the coming months and I need to be ready for that. And it’s something I’ll be sharing with you all for sure.

From a more general standpoint as it stands with regards to my care, we are yet to manage a full meal. However we have had the camera up the ass today – wonderful Friday morning activity – and also had another x-ray to see what the bloody hell is happening inside me. There is a pesky 30cm section of small intestine that was found back in Summer 2015 and it was something we were ‘keeping an eye on’. Well the eyes have been subsequently peeled and nothing has changed so… but herein lies the problem. 30cm is a sizable chunk of small intestine. We don’t just whip that out willy nilly now guys. When discussing the large intestine, there are slightly more options surgically speaking – in that you can actually take it out completely if needs be. But when it comes to the unusually named small intestine (bearing in mind you have around 6m), you can’t live without that. And the more you chip away at it with resections, the more you leave yourself susceptible to future complications. Nutritional issues, feeding through tubes, being open to more serious diseases. Lovely stuff. So we’re tackling this from a medical point of view first. We’re mixing up the meds. We’re changing the doses. We’re hoping that I haven’t indirectly been overdosing on azathioprine as my weight has dropped. To quote the surgeon, is the resection off the table? No, not particularly. Is it something that requires urgent intervention this week? Also no.

So it’s time to get my game face on. It’s time to get my headspace sorted. Take those 3 minutes a day to meditate and zone out. To plan whatever is within my remit to prepare for.

And know that the rest will sort itself out.

X

All New

*I've amended the heading for my blog, as I'm not sure how long 'new' lasts with regards to being a new mama. And am now no longer wedding planning as I'm a wife. But Crohn's is still ever present. We can talk about that another time perhaps?

Since I last blogged...

• We relocated from London to the Westcountry
• Moved in with the in-laws
• I came off of Maternity Leave and am now a full time working mother
• We got married!
• Had a minimoon, sans son
• It's our son's first birthday

So everything's still a bit new for me.

Having a blogging hiatus seemed slightly more acceptable when I sat back and realised how much change was happening in my life. I also feel that I very much wildly underestimated what the above tasks would entail; in both a physical and mental sense.

We'd covered all major life events in a period of around 8 weeks - never mind the sister-in-law's wedding, cousin's wedding and all the hens and stags in between. I think by the end of October I had decided that 'time' wasn't a thing any more. It didn't exist. It either went way too fast or chunks of time seemed to disappear without warning; not enough hours in the day, etc. etc.

So you're probably thinking, everything seems to have calmed down a bit now - why hop back onto the blogging figurative bicycle and share my thoughts? Well...this is by no means a 'woe is me' post; however I've mentioned before that sometimes slapping the keyboard with my feelings is quite the therapeutic task in itself. I've been thinking a lot about blogging of late - whether it be to help actually process all the change that's gone on, the fact my son is reaching his first birthday milestone and all that it brings with it (parenting highs, lows, challenges and rewards), that my own little family has done a full relocation of living and work, life as a newlywed (and what that even means?!), or that my Crohn's is still a pain in the arse and it bothers me.

I want to post about each of the main topics over the next week or so, as I'm currently signed off work (there's a wee insight into how my Crohn's is doing! *collective sigh*) But having blogged on and off for the last four years, I know when things have been on the tougher side, writing has really helped. Equally when things are on the lovely side, it's really enjoyable to write and share those moments, too.

And what better way to start again, than in two days time when it's our first born's FIRST BIRTHDAY. He's been here a year already. Out of the womb and our bab for a whole 12 months. I still don't feel like I was pregnant long enough to have grown him, let alone see him doing proper human things on his own like an independent chap. But he's here. And he's going to be one this weekend.

For he's a jolly good fellow...

Side note: having had a full life change of geographical location, working situation, my marital status and introduction to parenthood - I'm now trying to work out what Hattie, etc. actually means. So I'll get back to you on that once I've worked out what direction this here blog is going in.

X

Penultimate Week

And everything is slowly winding down/building up (depending on how you look at it) to the day our baby arrives.

Week 37's #bumpingalong was an odd one as I realised it was the penultimate photo in the little series I started out of curiosity way back at Week 14. This week's outfit was a monochromatic affair in maternity leggings from ASOS with non-maternity jumper from New Look in a size 12 and the required winter accessories for these dark evenings.

Jazzy hat in London town

Also had my final night out out as a preg for a 30th birthday; wore a non-maternity dress from Topshop in a size 10 but it's ever so stretchy and kind. Although when getting ready had the whole meltdown of NOTHING FITS ME ANYMORE. WHEN IS THIS BABY GOING TO BE OUT OF ME. I CAN'T SEE MY FEET. HOLD ME. CAN YOU DO UP MY SHOE. But I had a lovely time and it was ever so bizarre being asked about how far gone I was only to reply with "oh, we'll have our baby in two weeks". So surreal - especially now we're a handful of days away. Where is the time going?!

Multiple me to hide the kitchen

I think I'm going to compile all the #bumpingalong photos together to see how my body has changed during this pregnancy; the nearer we get to meeting the small human, the more I've realised how much I'm going to miss my bump when it's gone. Like I've said before, I feel considerably lucky to have enjoyed my pregnancy as much as I have, as it is honestly one of the best experiences of my life. To essentially put my Crohn's into remission alone is something I never thought would happen - but to have gone on and been able to make the most of all that pregnancy brings has just been magical (heartburn aside). Makes me all sorts of emotional thinking about it (NB: pregnancy, not heartburn).

Talking of being totes emosh, I have given up with how wild my hormones have become in this last week. I will be the first to say I've been a nightmare. Not because I've been hard work and mean - but because I have been doing the type of crying when you get saggy shoulders and you just sit there like a sad sack, sobbing on the edge of the bed. But no, don't worry, I don't need anything. Just having a good cry *cue a concerned other half whilst the mascara drips down my face and onto the top of my bump leaving a dramatic watery black line*

And talking about my bump...

This is my bump at 37+4 and I look like a dinosaur egg. I'm still not very wide which is why I have moments when I think how have I got a 50cm and 3kg person in here?! But when I see myself at this angle I can definitely see where my baby is. Weighed myself this morning and I've put on a total of 18kg on since the end of February and it amazes me that just under a third of that will most likely be lost in a day. It must be the weirdest feeling walking around afterwards - the weight gain is so slow to then suddenly oh so much lighter. Floating almost.

Nesting is all but complete - with a variety of meals batch cooked and in the freezer for when we lose the ability to function and feed ourselves. If you want to know cooking things, I have listed these with the recipe inspirations on another post which you can get to here.

The last thing I want to do re nesting before the miniature one comes is another whizz around the house with the duster and the hoover in hand. And buy an outside bin. Otherwise I am more than content with my maternal preparations - with regards to the house anyway. Will post during the week about my emotional maternal prep for the impending events, as that's a whole other ball game.

And now to enjoy what is left of our last weekend as a two before we're a family of three...

Absolutely fine with having a child this coming week

X

Pregnancy Lent

Kind of. We're now less than 40 days and 40 nights and there will probably be a lot of pancakes consumed by yours truly.

Officially (as I type) we have 37 days to go until our c-section date and the list of things to do/buy before the human arrives is getting that bit smaller; which means it's getting that bit more real still. I said at the start of blogging about my pregnancy that although it's Biology 101 for how a baby is made and grows, it is still one of the most fascinating things I have ever experienced in my life. I still consider myself extremely lucky to have had a relatively 'normal' pregnancy with regards to my Crohn's calming down - and if it comes back once bab is out, then I will cross that bridge when I get there. But at least I've been able to feel like I have carried this baby with little to no complications thus far. Just can't let my arse fall out at the final hurdle, to quote my gastro surgeon.

Talking of bottoms...seamless link...

I think more needs to be said about HOW CONSTIPATED YOU GET IN THE THIRD TRIMESTER. Let alone how you feel like Windy Miller with the air just falling out of you, top and bottom. I'm a disgrace. Thank god I've been with my other half for 9 years, because the romance has well and truly died recently! I'm not used to having bowel movements like a bus service on a Sunday in a village. My bowels pre-preg were a 10-15 times a day situation. I don't know how to deal with this once a day malarkey!? How do you people do it? I feel like it's just not enough. But hey, if bab slows down my digestive system to a snail's pace, then that is the less frequent shitting hand I've been dealt. It frees up so much time! Although saying that, the toilet dashes have been replaced by toilet dashes...just for a number one instead. But still so much quicker! Even if you need to do all the weeing, what with the baby pushing down on the organs. And sneezing still makes me nervous, mind - ruddy pelvic floors *squeezes muscles*

Did a version of a #bumpingalong for my 33 weeks (got to get the lift pics in whilst I can) and I'm kitted out in head to toe maternity Topshop. Even gave a nursing bra a run out and I felt so free. Big ol' wobbly mama-to-be boobies. And despite my breasts being the largest they've ever been in my life, my baby bump is so much further out - hence my human pyramid effect.

So yep, this week and it's my last week of work; all finished on Thursday. I will do a final work-based #bumpingalong and a post about maternity leave, as I'm already finding the concept quite odd. It's a real mix of emotions.

But for now, I think I've done a good bit of oversharing...

X

Mama Fashion

Have been a tad slack with blogging around the #bumpingalong what with generally getting more pregnant and having things to do. So thought I'd post about the last couple of outfits I've put together as it's definitely tougher dressing the bump.

Week 30
For my birthday back in May my gals got me tickets to London Fashion Weekend and it was just as fashionably wonderful as I thought it would be.

The #LFWEND outfit consisted of a Bluebell Maternity dress from ASOS paired with black patent block heel ankle boots from New Look. Incredibly comfortable, albeit I hadn't worn heels in forever so it looked like I had club foot by the time I got home. Slave to fashion and all that *only wears soft clothes now, mind*

Week 31

This week's #bumpingalong photo was taken after watching McFly (teenage self swooooons) and being outOUT at 8 months pregnant really was something else. Massive shoutout to the O2 Forum at Kentish Town though for giving my friend and I wristbands so we could go in the special access area to be more comfortable - didn't even ask! Excellent service and made for a much more enjoyable concert. Thank you, thank you.

But onto the outfit... my go-to maternity jeans from Topshop, plain black maternity vest from New Look and then my spontaneous purchase from London Fashion Weekend; a black sheer maxi dress from Never Fully Dressed.

Best of the Rest
A sports luxe look for a weekend stroll - maternity polo neck and maternity croc-effect wet look leggings both from ASOS worn with a slinky bomber jacket from Primark.

(Excuse the set up, I'd try to fit in a cardboard box. No particular reason why.) Outfit is made up of Primark non-maternity culottes from last Summer paired with the other maternity polo neck from ASOS. Disclaimer in that the culottes had really risen up - they usually fall just below the knee, but gravity.

Here's me trying, and failing, to see whether I can push the boundaries of non-maternity clothes in certain styles. It seems not, as this was a dress that just would not zip up. But a beautiful dress nonetheless from Topshop for the non-preg amongst us.

More success with actual maternity wear at Topshop with this ace shirt.

And finally here's me welcoming in all things Autumn in a large non-maternity mustard jumper from H&M with - you've guessed it - my maternity jeans from Topshop.

Still after the illusive preg unitard I spoke of when newly pregnant. But as the colder seasons draw in, I am more than ready to be in soft and comfortable clothing. Especially with all this extra downward pressure in my vagine.

X

Pack 'Em Up

31 weeks and all antenatal classes complete! Labour, c-sections, recovery, breastfeeding, bathing, generally looking after a small human...we are informed.

Informed, yes. Totally ready? Not quite. But sure.

The antenatal classes have been really helpful though in taking all the bits we've read over the last 8 months and preparing us to put it all into practice.

And so onto this week, which is the week of the 'hospital bag'. Packing the hospital bags though make everything seem that bit more real. Throughout my pregnancy there have been moments when it's like OH. WE ARE ACTUALLY HAVING A BABY, but then you just carry on being pregnant and stuff. Like when we decided nursery colours, when we built the furniture, when the nursery was complete. When browsing online for buggies and car seats and slings and learning what a travel system is. Let alone hitting the physical preg milestones that take you aback as there's a real life human growing inside.

Looking online it seems that you need to take everything you've ever owned with you to the hospital. There are a few bits that are irrelevant as we're having a caesarean, but generally there is a fair bit of packing to do! It also advises that it's split so that mama has a bag, and then a bag for dad and baby in case I'm whisked away somewhere.

Pinterest browsing (again) for all the bits and bobs

The baby's movements have gone from me feeling ripples to acknowledging that yes, that is definitely a foot, or a tiny back and little bottom. Blows my mind! After all, it's under 50 days to go now.

The parents-to-be (and a celebratory ale)

Had my penultimate midwife appointment yesterday and it's always a relief hearing baby's heart beating away nice and strong - and it got me thinking about how far into pregnancy we are and how I still have no clue as to whether I'm carrying a girl or boy. Will I ever get a sense of what my baby is? Am I out of touch to have no idea? All other preg women I've spoken to have had an inkling of what they're carrying; which has either been proved correct when they've given birth, or they've found out at their 20wk scan and they're bang on. The hormones in pregnancy are a funny thing because you have these irrational moments where you let your mind wander and then suddenly you're just a big ol' pregnant weepy lump, sitting on your sofa talking away to your small human saying sorry you don't know what they are.

Well at least I know I'm definitely carrying a baby. Despite my dream the other night about giving birth to a kitten.

X

Flammable Insides

Heartburn in the later stages of pregnancy is quite possibly the worst feeling I have ever experienced in my life. Slightly dramatic, perhaps. But the level of discomfort is something else?! It's not even just around when I eat; 'tis all day, errrr day. Acid, ooph, ouch, burp, oh bit of food's come up, lovely, ahh the burn, nausea, burp, rub chest in annoyance. Repeat to fade.

I had tried the 'Princess and the Pea' approach of all the pillows in bed but that's just impractical and annoying. So popped to the GP and have been given some Omeprazole to take and this can also be boosted with Gaviscon as and when, if required. I feel a tad like my Nana - she's always got the Gaviscon to hand.
It's funny how heartburn is also something that mums have said they really don't miss now they're no longer preg. For someone that has never had heartburn before, I believe I too will look forward to the day when I don't feel like there is FIRE TRAVELLING UP MY OESOPHAGUS AND INTO MY MOUTH.

Onto more exciting news though...we're 29 weeks today and have our first antenatal class tonight! This session is all on Intervention and Caesareans. Got to have my game face on and I imagine this will obviously be key to what lies ahead for us. Intrigued to see what the other parents-to-be will be like too. Young, old, first baby, etc. New parenting friends.

There's also another mini heatwave this week. Joy. Please note the high level of sarcasm. All I want to do now is wrap myself up in a woolen poncho, sit indoors and let my preg body spread. I don't want highs of 30 degrees thank you when I'm having to commute. Not now...it's mid September. When is Autumn happening?! Naturally this means that I'm still (begrudgingly) dragging out the Summer items and today's #bumpingalong is a non-maternity H&M jersey dress in a Small.

A nautical buoy

I feel like my bump has really changed shape over the last week. It's become more round? I haven't been very pregnant on my sides - my profile has always been very OUT and from the back I still don't look too preg. But the bump has suddenly become very much like a big ol' massive ball. And can anyone see my ass? It's grown enough to find it's way out of my knickers and cause me consistent wedgies, but side on it appears to be M.I.A.

I also feel like my torso isn't long enough at all to house this baby though. Everything is starting to feel very squashed internally; all up in my ribs and right down into my vagine. How the baby is going to find room to keep growing I just don't know! Someone is going to have to start rolling me to wherever I need to be as my metamorphosis into a human weeble continues.

(Officially) 9 weeks to go.

X

Getting Low

This baby is down, but certainly not out - yet.

And I obviously am referring to baby's position in my uterus, rather than their emotional state.

Saw the midwife on Wednesday and I explained exactly how I was feeling with regards to the pressurised nethers. We had a listen of baby and their little heart was pumping away nice and regular; always a relieving feeling. But my bab also took the midwife by surprise with the force in which they kicked...we have a strong one inside! My midwife said how typically you get the ripples and what not at this stage, but always good to see such strong movement from the baby. Well done to our human.

She then did the usual process of feeling where baby is positioned and straight away said that she could understand why I am so uncomfortable. It appears that baby is definitely head down and very low - usually found around the mid-thirty weeks [that matched up to all the bits I read online in forums, etc.] However for me not to worry as baby can stay there for a good while and they've not yet twisted around to be engaged. Naturally though, I would quite like the miniature one to stay in there as long as possible please! But the other half and I also understand that baby is going to come, when baby is going to come and there's not much we can do about it! In the meantime we've been told to keep a closer eye on my Braxton Hicks as they've been causing me quite a bit of pain and discomfort - but irregularly, which is the way we want it to stay for now. If in doubt then we call the midwives and talk through what's going on and take it from there...

For baby's arrival, the man and I have been doing a countdown to week 38 as that's when we're booked in for our c-section, but there were suggestions of working back from week 37 instead as medically this is when they consider a baby full term; anywhere between 37 and 42 weeks is good. So say for instance our little one makes an early appearance at 34 weeks, technically they're only going to be 3 weeks early (from what's considered a full term baby) as opposed to 6 weeks early (with the 40 week total). Does that make sense? I believe baby just gets extra layers of fat after 37 weeks that aren't essential to life - they're all readymade by then.

In other news, H&M aren't helping the situation when it comes to tiny clothes. So it appears I accidentally bought some more for our tiny person.

BUT WILL YOU JUST LOOK AT THE HAT.

Had my rhesus injection this afternoon which was just a big ball of crap feeling in my arm. Will only have to have this again if baby is of a positive blood type and our bloods cross at birth. To be honest, a crappy injection will be the least of my concerns when I'm there all c-sectioned! (Is c-sectioned a verb? Strong phrase all the same). Such a predicament though with my Anti-D injection; I'm right handed but I also sleep on my left. What arm to sacrifice for the day?! I opted to give up my right arm as I have every intention of getting horizontal to nap asap. Complete preparation for our first weekend of nothing.

No official plans and I can't ruddy wait. Ahh to just lay down in soft clothes with my bump guardian...bliss.

X

Baby Showering

I was treated by all my nearest and dearest gals to a bloody lovely Baby Shower this weekend. Such a wonderful day. And of course as soon as I walked in and sat down I had a cry because, hormones. But in the loveliest way, naturally.

Few snapshots of vintage tea party fun:

We're also (somehow) at 28 weeks today and I seem to have embodied all of the stereotypical third trimester feelings in the last week: taking forever to roll over and get comfortable, only to realise I was more comfortable where I was. My desire to wear trousers is ever decreasing. Not being able to get up without moaning. And of course the approach of can't reach it, don't need it. 

Which brings me nicely to my #bumpingalong for today. Disclaimer in that I'm very tired and generally moving is annoying me. I also have a baby who is full of the hiccups. So today you've got me in what is considered perhaps an impractical/unprofessional, yet comfortable fleeting moment at my desk.

NB: This is not how I sit all day. Oh but if only I could.

Clothes are all non-maternity as fortunately I bought clothes many moons ago that were apparently built for a pregnant woman's figure anyway! So loose jumpsuit/pinafore item (?!) is from asos and is a size 12, paired with a size L H&M jersey stretchy top. Choker and red lippy optional - I just felt a bit French when getting ready this morning. I also need a hair wash, but you can't have it all.

With regards to the miniature human's nursery we're pretty much there now! We've got a few major items still to get, like the pram and car seat, but we're more than happy to wait a while to get those. The nursery has taken shape in the way that we hoped it would and now all that's really missing is our little person. Everything they need is just SO small. My heart explodes every time I go in the room because it makes me realise how real everything is now and how everything is going to change. But again, in the loveliest - albeit challenging - of ways.

Almost there!

From a building point of view things have slowed down now, but from an admin and midwife point of view it seems to only be just beginning! I have the midwife twice this week as I am O negative blood type which means I am part of 15% of women that are rhesus negative. Because of this it means I have to have an Anti-D injection at 28 weeks and maybe again at the birth if the blood of myself and baby were to cross. It's not so much a worry with this pregnancy, it may just mean that some extra care is needed to avoid any problems if I was to get pregnant again.

Essentially, if my baby is rhesus positive and their blood gets into my bloodstream, my immune system can develop antibodies against the rhesus antigens. If I was to be pregnant with another rhesus positive baby next time round, my antibodies can attack that baby's red blood cells which could potentially result in haemolytic disease of the newborn. This leads to anaemia and jaundice in the baby. [More info] So injection visit is the plan for this week!

Now all I really want to do is have a bath and a lie down whilst this active baby carries on dancing.

X

Final Chapter?

There seems to be much confusion among pregnancy apps, books and online with regards to when the third trimester officially begins - with it ranging from 26-29 weeks. Generally speaking though, it seems week 27 is the start of the last pregnancy chapter.

So that's it. Third and final trimester has begun. I am 27+1 now. Here is a list of things that I need to sort out before the small one comes:

• Complete nursery prep
• Go on maternity leave
• Hospital bag
• Get leaky titties
• Not be able to bend forward/shave legs, etc.
• Nest
• Eat everything
• Find clothes that fit me when in the grips of hibernation
• Have a baby
• Cry because everything is overwhelming

Obviously the above list is not necessarily reflective of the next 11 weeks and also activities will not necessarily be completed in that order. But knowing that we're in the third trimester brings an element of fear in that we're officially on countdown now. Like it's happening. Shit needs to get done because we are having a baby.

Didn't do my #bumpingalong photo yesterday as quite frankly, it was Bank Holiday Monday and we were building the nursery wardrobe which (finally) arrived. So you lucky ones get to look at my clothes from today; grey t-shirt from New Look in a size 12. 'Tis actually a peplum cut so although non-maternity, allows fanning of the bump. Dress is from asos in a size 10 and again, non-maternity but was one of the first items I bought when I knew I was preg but was in the secret part of pregnancy. No one can question a growing bump when it's invisible in a boyfriend fit dress! Although the boyfriend fit is looking pretty tight nowadays...

But the most exciting thing that happened yesterday is that I FINALLY got to capture the wriggler on camera! So amazing. So alien. Just utterly incredible and I love the little one (video down the right hand side on the desktop view of la blog)

I also still find it incredibly odd that I have no idea what I'm carrying - other than that they're a baby. There I am, chatting away to this genderless person I've made with no idea if they're a little boy or a little girl. It doesn't matter to me either way, I just find it a funny situation. Should I have strong feelings about what sex they are? Or are there mums out there who also had no clue what they were carrying?

Boy or girl, our little tinker's bump adventure continues...Here's to the third trimester, guys.

X

Nearly There

26 weeks today. Last week of my second trimester.

I feel like I write it every time I do a #bumpingalong but I genuinely don't know where the time is going... To think this time next week I'll be entering my third and final trimester of this pregnancy is just nuts to me. Especially when I think of all the things that still have to happen! And with that I mean my baby's growing but also practical bits and bobs.

As I mentioned in my last post, this weekend was all things nursery DIY and we had a very successful trip to IKEA as well. No arguing. No miniature pencils at dawn. Win-win if you ask me! It did make me laugh though, as I waddled through the layout (which you definitely must follow, otherwise chaos I tell ye. Like a salmon upstream), but seeing how many other preg couples were doing the same kind of thing as us; half knowing that they need to kit the nursery out but what exactly to buy? No one really knows. It's IKEA. People are there for the meatballs and strange items, no?

We got the main bits we were after though - namely a bookcase. But as always, went slightly rogue with the big yellow bag come basket. Who doesn't need multiple indoor faux greenery?! They look just great. And always worth a candle top-up when you're there, too.

Strong nursery haul

Some questionable items in the kids section however...case and point.

WHAT IS THIS AND WHY?!

With regards to the nursery now, we're nearly there. The changing unit arrived on Saturday afternoon as we sat among boxes, alan keys and 95 toolbits that didn't seem to match up to the furniture we bought. But yes, lots of building was done and now what was our spare room very much has a function as a nursery. Still waiting on the wardrobe, mind. That's lost in transition somewhere which isn't helpful but I guess it's one of those things. Everything else went so smoothly, there had to be one item that went off the beaten track.

Not knowing the gender of our baby has proved tricky for accessorising as it's so easy to get carried away with typically 'boy' items and vice versa. I swear the percentage of gender neutral items in shops is like 0.01% whether that's clothing or storage boxes, even changing mats!? To be honest I don't think we'll suddenly go all out blue or pink once we know what our baby is - we've got a strong colour family we're using anyway; mint, peach, grey and white. So for instance, we got a lovely blue London print but we will offset again some peachy/coral patterns on our frame wall.

Enough waffling about interiors. I started this post with reference to #bumpingalong so here is my 26th week look.

Blue baby tube

None of it is maternity, I've just worn them in a way that lets my bump be an unrestricted bump. Top is a size 12 from Primark (£5 in the sale, bargain) and the dress is a throwback H&M number in a large from when I was all sorts of steroid large myself. And as you can see my bump is very much out now. Belly button still clinging on at the bottom but I feel much more pregnant.

I believe I experienced the first few Braxton Hicks this weekend too, which took me by surprise. Everything is becoming more real; nursery building, baby moving. Even handed in my Mat Leave form to HR at work.

Only 12 weeks until baby. Oh my.

X

Busy Bump

Considering it's only Tuesday I feel like this has been an incredibly busy week already! I think it must be because we're going on holiday on THURSDAY. Don't suppose I mentioned it at all?! BabyMoon time with bump and the other half?! I am sooooo excited. To relax and do nothing and that's fine because it's what you do on Summer holidays. My pale green skin is ready for some Vitamin D fo sho.

#bumpingalong this week at Week 23 (when did we suddenly get here?!) and as I said on the Instagram post, my look was very much suited to if I lived in a lamp; a metallic pyjama come genie medley. But it was comfortable so...T-shirt was a size 12 from River Island and the golden pantaloons are a size 14 from Topshop. Both non-maternity.

The disproportionate pinhead looking thing I've become

Saw the Crohn's antenatal team yesterday and we got to hear our bab's heartbeat, thumping away! Despite the odd kick at the doppler - it seems I'm carrying quite the hyperactive little tinker! But at least we know that all things check out as they should be for this stage in the pregnancy.

Keeping myself amused

They were also super pleased with how stable my Crohn's has been, so much so that they're happy for me to get in touch with them if anything flares up - but in the meantime they'll pass me back to the normal midwives from now on. Good news team!!

Also had my whooping cough injection this morning; entering the time frame now where each week in pregnancy pretty much equals some kind of injection or appointment. So got that today, then midwives again next week. Few more weeks and then it's the one for having a negative blood type. It's all go I tell you!

Took some time out over the weekend to start decorating our nursery... It's all so lovely it makes me want to do a happy tear - and we've only painted a ceiling white! We picked up the crib for our bedroom too, making it suddenly seem very very real. In around 15 weeks or so, the little wooden crib is going to have an even smaller human in there. That's ours. That we made. (The baby, not the crib. The crib was collected readily built)

DIY is code for dungarees

In case you didn't know, new little humans need a shit load of stuff for when they get here. We decided the best way to plan for this was to take a trip to our local pub and start on Babmin (Baby Admin). Eating a roast whilst discussing what adapter for the travel system we really needed, and swigging an OJ whilst working out how soon we need to invest in a breast pump. Glorious.

Local pubs: Making chores nicer since I said so

With regards to our upcoming BabyMoon though - I'm contemplating doing a lookbook for it? I'll be packing this evening and I think it would be a cool thing to do, to keep track of how I dress my bump whilst menopausally sweating in the Spanish heat. I sense a sartorial challenge ahead.

X

Hidden Kicks

22 weeks today and as we're all aware, Mondays are never the best days of the week anyway. And today was certainly no different as I sat in my GP waiting to see the doctor after a lack of sleep for worrying about our baby.

As I mentioned a few weeks back, I've been feeling baby movement for a good while now - established timings and a pattern to keep an eye on. Even being able to see the moving through my clothes. But over the last few days, the movements seemed less often and when they did happen in the usual time slot, they just seemed so faint. I've been beside myself with worry the last day or two and it culminated in me being awake last night willing our baby to do a big movement so I knew all was fine.

You just feel useless. And then you worry that your body isn't working properly and that your baby isn't going to be all right. So when you pass a time frame where usually things would happen and there's nothing...it just made me so anxious. Especially as a first-time mum-to-be as I have absolutely zero experiences to base this all on, so naturally you look for reassurance where you can.

My doctor felt my bump this morning and said it was the right size and felt as it should for my gestation. And the main thing for me was that I also got to hear our baby's heartbeat. I can't describe the relief of knowing that baby was doing ok and things were actually as it should be.

Turns out that looking back over my scan notes, my placenta is positioned anterior high which means it's at the front of my uterus, as opposed to the back; when the placenta is at the front it can sometimes cushion the movement of the baby. So it seems likely that our hyperactive mini human went on a wander and moved to a place where even though they're moving all the time still, they've softened the blow of kicking me hard. They just put us through the mill emotionally instead of physically!

I spoke to my midwives this morning and they let me know that I'd done exactly the right thing in following it up with a medical professional. At the risk of sounding silly, I was all sorts of emotional, worrying and I just wanted to someone to tell me that I was being dramatic and it was fine - again searching for that reassurance.

My other half was so incredibly supportive with all this going on, too. Speaking as the pregnant one in our relationship, I've had to have moments to sit back and realise that he only knows how I'm feeling with baby based on what I share with him. He can't tell the difference in feeling of a flutter and more substantial kick. Let alone if those patterns of feeling have changed? So for him to be able to keep me as calm as possible when really he has no idea either, just makes me appreciate him even more.

What an anecdote to share when they're older: "Ahh, do you remember that time you played hide and seek with my placenta? You rascal, you."

But yes, at least now we know that our little one is actually doing wonderfully. They just made their mummy and daddy temporarily shit themselves.

X

PS: Kicks Count do a band you can use to keep track of periods of movement. Super helpful in these situations, especially if the baby brain has kicked in. And their website is full of such useful info as well.

My Kicks Count wristband on arrival

A Tad Warm

So anyone in and around the general UK area can't have missed the wonderfully British heatwave we've had for the last two days. Steady on, now. It'll be drizzly again before you know it.

But jeewhizz being pregnant in this heat is something else! And getting the London Underground has turned me into a sweating hormonal angry woman. SOMEONE FAN ME OR SPRINKLE ME WITH ICED WATER. And yes please I would like to sit down immediately. Thank you ever so.

Enough about my overly sweaty self commuting, here's me looking less sweaty for week 21's #bumpingalong (you can sort of see the internal struggle I was having with trying to stay cool). Wearing a lovely maternity asos dress in a size 10, a jazzy sun hat from Tiger and children's shoes from Next.

Just hanging out in my garden

In hotly anticipated news, we had our scan on Friday where we could find out if the small human I'm carrying is a boy, or a girl...and we decided...not to find out!

So that means there is one sonographer in this world who knows what gender our baby is - but we are still in the dark. When we finally find out, it will be when we see our baby next. In real life!

The technology these days absolutely astounds me though. Especially after seeing the level of detail in our scan: nostrils, upper lip, bones, ribs, two tiny feet and two tiny hands. Even got a little 'ok' sign from the bab! Apparently it's not something the sonographer sees very often - such an amazing special moment to share with my other half. Everything checked out though which is just lovely and such a relief! All organs are as they should be, so now we can just let baby grow.

Had a wedding over the weekend and took the bump out for a boogie; at one point the DJ said "I didn't think I'd ever say this, but follow the pregnant woman!" Basically my enthusiasm for 90s and 00s dance routines are forever embedded in my soul and if 5,6,7,8 comes on then boy will Steps make me dance.

Wore another maternity dress from asos in a size 10 with floral shoes from Primark. Felt very pregnant and blooming - if you pardon the floral headband pun.

Belly button still hanging in there

Enjoy the rest of the warm weather, pals. I'm off to be clammy in my garden and make the most of these Summer nights.

X

Hips Don't Lie

But Christ on a bike can they hurt!?

I saw on MadeForMums an article about waddling when pregnant; whether it's a scientifically proven thing or you know, you waddle because you kind of think you're supposed to and what not. (Spoiler alert: it's a fact) But I am really coming into my element to take the lead role in March of the Penguins.

Me, just waiting for my gals.

It's to do with your centre of gravity shifting and it can happen from as early as the end of your first trimester. Makes sense when your body shape starts to noticeably change from then - it really does make you do all the waddling though!

I'm sleeping much better - probably due to the fact I'm currently anaemic - but also because I have my pregnancy pillow, so I am more comfortable. Thing is, despite this I'm waking up and not being able to walk very well... the only relief is holding my own hips and doing a Mick Jagger-esque strut as I loosen up. I just need the inflated lips and I'm basically him. Albeit musical talent aside.

Are there any good tips for easing the hip pain though? Or is this another one of those things that's part and parcel of my ever-changing pregnant body, so deal with it vibe? *waddles ever so slowly to a soft chair*

Another bodily change that's so on the cusp it's kind of terrifying is my new look Jabba the Hutt belly button! I have scars in and around there from previous abdo surgeries, so it's getting pushed out in all directions at the moment. We currently have the top half almost out/bit bumpy and the bottom half is sort of flush. My belly button beforehand was like a crater so it's most odd seeing it as it is now, with its nod to Jabba. Regular updates to follow (or perhaps not...for everyone's sake).

X

Maid to Bump

What a weekend! I had the privilege of being Maid of Honour for my best friend of 25 years, and what an absolute delight it was. Such a beautiful day.

From a pregnancy perspective, a few key points to note from the wonderful day: being pregnant and hormonal means you have absolutely zero control over your emotions and when people are doing the delicate tear and wipe of the eye, you will be ugly crying in the corner - the odd yelp escaping as you try and keep it together. Secondly, if you wear heels as part of your outfit and for most of the day, it will feel like you've ran 83 marathons the following morning.

Patsy & Eddie Forever

It was my first wedding, or major social event, where I've been with bump openly and well...people just touch it?!

It's so strange! The majority of friends would ask before their hands made contact with my belly. But some people would touch it and use it as a conversation starter; 'first baby?' Yes thanks, although I'm not sure how you touching it has anything to do with whether it's my first or eighth baby?

I honestly don't mind - it's a new thing that I'm experiencing as the baby gets bigger, and naturally so does my bump. It's just better when people ask beforehand. I think it's more that people talk and touch it like it's independent of you. But it isn't. It's my skin, on my body and it's my baby. I can feel you touching me when you're touching the baby bump. Duhhh.

My bump is quite something though! I'm only 16 weeks + and the waddling walk is now a thing. God knows what I'll be like in another 4 or so weeks. Let alone in a few months time!? Again putting this down to being 160cm in height and not having the longest torso in the world...I'm a condensed potato.

Now I'm off to the doctors to check baby is all ok as I've had some odd pain sensations in the ovary area of late. Would rather be told I'm being terribly over-dramatic but baby is safe and well; put my mind at rest and hopefully get a better night's sleep. Rather than assume it's normal and then it may be something a bit more worrying.

And I've got my first official pregnancy pre-natal massage this evening. Can't wait to be rubbed down. WHAT A TREAT.

X

*UPDATE*
Baby is fine! I was the hypochondriac mum-to-be (oh gosh) but as I said before, would rather be safe than sorry. Turns out that as the baby grows, it isn't always going to feel like a long stretching feeling where my ligaments et al are prepping the small human's home. So this concentrated pain that I've had the last few days is my pelvic tendon, where it's attached and where it's being pulled. The doctor explained it to me that if I was holding a cut elastic band, and he pulled it away from me, it's the end I'm holding that is the bit hurting as it stretches away. Learn something new every day - especially with this pregnancy malarkey. I'll be a fountain of knowledge by the time this baby comes out.

Side note re pre-natal massage, it was everything I hoped it would be and more. Although it was an odd beginning and I'll tell you for why; normally when I'm told to lie on my side on a pop up bed it's because it's all things bum end and with my gastro team. Not the most relaxing of activities. But that's not what happened on this Tuesday evening! Oh the massage was divine! I feel like a new woman and my back feels brand new. Something I would highly recommend when preggers and I will be having many more of these over the coming weeks. I'm ready to be a pampered woman.

So to now where I'm in my soft clothes, feet up, washed hair and baby's on the move. Bliss.

Nil by Mouth

Since Saturday I have been struggling to eat anything - FODMAP foods and all. And anything other than water is making me feel poorly too. It's the nausea I can't handle. And the pain. Oh the pain! Like my stomach is so swollen it feels like it could burst.

I put my food problems out there on Facebook and some of the responses I got with regards to what to eat were interesting! From applesauce to rice cakes, to liquid diets, shakes and fasting.

Today is a lot better than previous days though; have managed to eat a banana and not throw up or run to the bathroom. It's the simple things, eh?!

Yesterday I thought it was a good idea to try and go back to work (so bored at home - there's only so much daytime TV you can watch before you're brain dead) But alas, I still looked like I'd been punched right in the face and cried at the drop of a hat. So off back home I went where I then slept alllll day. And then vommed. And woke up countless times in the night to go to la toilette. But there we are.

I know I've said it before, but it's the ultimate frustration that comes with flare ups. They just inconvenience everything. It's giving me major FOMO [Fear of Missing Out, FYI ha] I have so many things coming up that I'm looking forward to and all I want is to know that I can have a proper Summer. Ideally with minimal Crohn's issues. Not asking for much!!

Got an appointment with my consultant on 17th so will obviously fill them in on what's been going on and we take it from there...

Enjoy the sunshine!

X

Junk = Rubbish

I genuinely do not even know where to begin:


rambling
adj

1. straggling or sprawling haphazardly; unplanned: a rambling old house
2. (of speech or writing) lacking a coherent plan; diffuse and disconnected
3. (Botany) (of a plant, esp a rose) profusely climbing and straggling

No, I haven't suddenly become a plant or an old house. But I can sense this post will lack a coherent plan, for want of a better phrase. So apologies in advance, dear reader, as this post will contain a disorganised rant about what I saw on BBC Breakfast this morning (18th June). Mainly because I'm still super peeved by some of the content.

For all you IBDers in the UK, I'm sure you would have heard about the segment that appeared on National breakfast television this morning. And if you're still not aware, let me tell you a bit about the ridiculousness that is Dr Sally Mitton...

"If you have a lot of junk food in your diet before your diagnosis, it actually makes you more likely to develop Crohn's disease...a lot of antibiotics - particularly in younger life - seem to be more likely to develop this condition."

Yep. Ignore everything you've ever been told/read/researched. We all ate bad food as a child, and lo and behold...CROHN'S DISEASE. FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

Lets look at the stats first - as I found this really quite concerning. In the year 2003/04 there were 4937 reported cases of young people being admitted to hospital with Crohn's disease. In the year 2013/14 that number had quadrupled to 19,405. In a decade?!!

Obviously I am all for raising awareness of IBDs in the public domain. If I wasn't, I wouldn't blog, tweet, post on Facebook, Instagram and do every other world wide web option. Let alone be as vocal as I am about with my peers. However, the most important thing to remember is that if you're going to put it on a platform accessible by many, i.e. BBC Breakfast, then perhaps make sure that the information being given is correct? And if it isn't correct (because you don't know), don't suggest or assume things. It only compounds and makes it a hell of a lot harder for us to clear it up.

For a gastroenterologist to make such a sweeping statement as she did? I was genuinely dumbfounded. Granted I had not been awake long and was still sleepy. But when I saw her talk I shouted at my TV and immediately burst into tears. Lord.

I just couldn't believe what I was watching?! I tweeted about it and since then, my Twitter has gone nuts. It really has struck a chord with a lot of people.

And I think (unfortunately) that although Crohn's and Colitis UK went on BBC Breakfast to raise awareness, they're now going to have to help us IBDers in the real world, clarify exactly what we go through. Don't tell me that at the age of 26, something that I ate when I was 7 has given me this disease.

I'm not having that. Not at all. If that was the case, there wouldn't be any bloody junk food available for the fear of people developing Crohn's. Utter shite. All of it *slaps keyboard*

Look at me when I was 18. That is not the body of someone who's eaten all things junk food. That is the body of someone who's intestines have gone mental and started attacking itself. But the beauty of hindsight is that I was ever so blissfully unaware. Although in a weird way it's something to marvel at, for all the wrong reasons...I just look really odd; all mouth with a small head and a skinny little bod.

As David Barker of Crohn's and Colitis UK said;

"We need to do more research into these areas to better the understanding of the disease."

And when the suggestion of junk food and antibiotics was brought up again, he verbally slapped it down with what we all were thinking, in that "the reality is, we don't know."

If you missed the news this morning, or want to get riled up again (like I have most definitely been guilty of this afternoon) you can see the full clip here: Crohn's on the BBC

X