Pregnancy Lent

Kind of. We're now less than 40 days and 40 nights and there will probably be a lot of pancakes consumed by yours truly.

Officially (as I type) we have 37 days to go until our c-section date and the list of things to do/buy before the human arrives is getting that bit smaller; which means it's getting that bit more real still. I said at the start of blogging about my pregnancy that although it's Biology 101 for how a baby is made and grows, it is still one of the most fascinating things I have ever experienced in my life. I still consider myself extremely lucky to have had a relatively 'normal' pregnancy with regards to my Crohn's calming down - and if it comes back once bab is out, then I will cross that bridge when I get there. But at least I've been able to feel like I have carried this baby with little to no complications thus far. Just can't let my arse fall out at the final hurdle, to quote my gastro surgeon.

Talking of bottoms...seamless link...

I think more needs to be said about HOW CONSTIPATED YOU GET IN THE THIRD TRIMESTER. Let alone how you feel like Windy Miller with the air just falling out of you, top and bottom. I'm a disgrace. Thank god I've been with my other half for 9 years, because the romance has well and truly died recently! I'm not used to having bowel movements like a bus service on a Sunday in a village. My bowels pre-preg were a 10-15 times a day situation. I don't know how to deal with this once a day malarkey!? How do you people do it? I feel like it's just not enough. But hey, if bab slows down my digestive system to a snail's pace, then that is the less frequent shitting hand I've been dealt. It frees up so much time! Although saying that, the toilet dashes have been replaced by toilet dashes...just for a number one instead. But still so much quicker! Even if you need to do all the weeing, what with the baby pushing down on the organs. And sneezing still makes me nervous, mind - ruddy pelvic floors *squeezes muscles*

Did a version of a #bumpingalong for my 33 weeks (got to get the lift pics in whilst I can) and I'm kitted out in head to toe maternity Topshop. Even gave a nursing bra a run out and I felt so free. Big ol' wobbly mama-to-be boobies. And despite my breasts being the largest they've ever been in my life, my baby bump is so much further out - hence my human pyramid effect.

So yep, this week and it's my last week of work; all finished on Thursday. I will do a final work-based #bumpingalong and a post about maternity leave, as I'm already finding the concept quite odd. It's a real mix of emotions.

But for now, I think I've done a good bit of oversharing...

X

Final Chapter?

There seems to be much confusion among pregnancy apps, books and online with regards to when the third trimester officially begins - with it ranging from 26-29 weeks. Generally speaking though, it seems week 27 is the start of the last pregnancy chapter.

So that's it. Third and final trimester has begun. I am 27+1 now. Here is a list of things that I need to sort out before the small one comes:

• Complete nursery prep
• Go on maternity leave
• Hospital bag
• Get leaky titties
• Not be able to bend forward/shave legs, etc.
• Nest
• Eat everything
• Find clothes that fit me when in the grips of hibernation
• Have a baby
• Cry because everything is overwhelming

Obviously the above list is not necessarily reflective of the next 11 weeks and also activities will not necessarily be completed in that order. But knowing that we're in the third trimester brings an element of fear in that we're officially on countdown now. Like it's happening. Shit needs to get done because we are having a baby.

Didn't do my #bumpingalong photo yesterday as quite frankly, it was Bank Holiday Monday and we were building the nursery wardrobe which (finally) arrived. So you lucky ones get to look at my clothes from today; grey t-shirt from New Look in a size 12. 'Tis actually a peplum cut so although non-maternity, allows fanning of the bump. Dress is from asos in a size 10 and again, non-maternity but was one of the first items I bought when I knew I was preg but was in the secret part of pregnancy. No one can question a growing bump when it's invisible in a boyfriend fit dress! Although the boyfriend fit is looking pretty tight nowadays...

But the most exciting thing that happened yesterday is that I FINALLY got to capture the wriggler on camera! So amazing. So alien. Just utterly incredible and I love the little one (video down the right hand side on the desktop view of la blog)

I also still find it incredibly odd that I have no idea what I'm carrying - other than that they're a baby. There I am, chatting away to this genderless person I've made with no idea if they're a little boy or a little girl. It doesn't matter to me either way, I just find it a funny situation. Should I have strong feelings about what sex they are? Or are there mums out there who also had no clue what they were carrying?

Boy or girl, our little tinker's bump adventure continues...Here's to the third trimester, guys.

X

Captive Market

Maternity clothes, that is.

I'm aware how there is so much more choice nowadays compared to the matronly tents of years gone by (thank you, please). It is also doubtful that it'll be like-for-like with high street shops or websites for choice any time soon. It's just that you obviously only require maternity clothes for the set amount of time you grow the human; so you're automatically a captive market because you need their stuff...Unless you find the elusive unitard/sack to wear continuously for 9 months. Or be nude. Or alternate between the two, sure.

Why are maternity clothes so ruddy expensive though? I keep a crafty eye on asos maternity as they by far have the largest range of mama-to-be clothes. I've done my little hauls when there's a sale as I don't want to be paying over the odds for something that I can't wear once bab is here. Although I'll park that idea if the waistband lets me eat everything, a la Joey Tribbiani in Phoebe's maternity trousers.

The best analogy I can think of is that it's like when you're on a road trip and you stop at a service station; you only want a ham sandwich, but that will cost you £9 because it's the only sandwich that fits you. You know? Sandwiches...maternity wear, it's one and the same...

Well I bought multiple ham sandwiches over the weekend. Ooopsy.

In my defence it was the sale and I was also buying things that I can definitely just get large and in charge in. Some off-season AW16 garments slipped into my basket ready for those cold pregnant nights too. But hey. Who doesn't need two polo necks when we're in the middle of a small UK heatwave?! Because I certainly know I do!

Will put up my asos haul in another post once I've tried them all on and decided that yes, I definitely need these snakeskin Chelsea boots. They offset the growing bump so well #struggledtostayontask.

Talking of bumps, I am now at week 25's #bumpingalong and I'm in all the maternity today (no new items here). It's my denim shirt from Topshop in a size 10 used cleverly as a bump highlighter and the grey dress which was one of the first maternity bits I bought as it had good room to grow into. I wasn't wrong! Dress also from Topshop and in a size 10.

Pale and interesting from the knees down

Jazzy heel was originally paired with this look because I felt a bit slouchy and sleepy, and then I realised I'm pregnant and flats are my friends. So out came the flip flops from the handbag mid-commute. And looking at the photo, apparently my shins didn't see any sunlight whilst away. Don't look too closely at the lower limbs though, as you can see the nursery paint I seem to have missed whilst showering. Evidently bending forward is getting trickier despite my best efforts.

Can't believe we're 25 weeks now. 13 to go. Almost game time!

X

Busy Bump

Considering it's only Tuesday I feel like this has been an incredibly busy week already! I think it must be because we're going on holiday on THURSDAY. Don't suppose I mentioned it at all?! BabyMoon time with bump and the other half?! I am sooooo excited. To relax and do nothing and that's fine because it's what you do on Summer holidays. My pale green skin is ready for some Vitamin D fo sho.

#bumpingalong this week at Week 23 (when did we suddenly get here?!) and as I said on the Instagram post, my look was very much suited to if I lived in a lamp; a metallic pyjama come genie medley. But it was comfortable so...T-shirt was a size 12 from River Island and the golden pantaloons are a size 14 from Topshop. Both non-maternity.

The disproportionate pinhead looking thing I've become

Saw the Crohn's antenatal team yesterday and we got to hear our bab's heartbeat, thumping away! Despite the odd kick at the doppler - it seems I'm carrying quite the hyperactive little tinker! But at least we know that all things check out as they should be for this stage in the pregnancy.

Keeping myself amused

They were also super pleased with how stable my Crohn's has been, so much so that they're happy for me to get in touch with them if anything flares up - but in the meantime they'll pass me back to the normal midwives from now on. Good news team!!

Also had my whooping cough injection this morning; entering the time frame now where each week in pregnancy pretty much equals some kind of injection or appointment. So got that today, then midwives again next week. Few more weeks and then it's the one for having a negative blood type. It's all go I tell you!

Took some time out over the weekend to start decorating our nursery... It's all so lovely it makes me want to do a happy tear - and we've only painted a ceiling white! We picked up the crib for our bedroom too, making it suddenly seem very very real. In around 15 weeks or so, the little wooden crib is going to have an even smaller human in there. That's ours. That we made. (The baby, not the crib. The crib was collected readily built)

DIY is code for dungarees

In case you didn't know, new little humans need a shit load of stuff for when they get here. We decided the best way to plan for this was to take a trip to our local pub and start on Babmin (Baby Admin). Eating a roast whilst discussing what adapter for the travel system we really needed, and swigging an OJ whilst working out how soon we need to invest in a breast pump. Glorious.

Local pubs: Making chores nicer since I said so

With regards to our upcoming BabyMoon though - I'm contemplating doing a lookbook for it? I'll be packing this evening and I think it would be a cool thing to do, to keep track of how I dress my bump whilst menopausally sweating in the Spanish heat. I sense a sartorial challenge ahead.

X

All Change

My last post didn't really seem the right setting to casually show you a picture of me at 22 weeks #bumpingalong so I gave it a new one of its own.

The look I've gone for today has indirectly ended up looking like a burnt orange with two toothpicks for legs. Sure.

Getting bigger by the day. Obviously.

Maternity (bargain) shorts from H&M which actually only cost me £7, despite the label and protests from the checkout lady that it should in fact be £24.99. Paired with a non-maternity t-shirt because I just needed to be comfortable with bump today after this morning's escapades. Both in a size 10.

This photo has also shown me how much I am in need of a tan as I'm almost see through. Luckily we have our BABY MOON to look forward to next week! Roll on the non-alcoholic Sangria in the Spanish sunshine. Even ordered some maternity swimwear today and if you're lucky I might show you all. Oh aye.

So many changes happening to my body though. Some glorious that you can't help but be in awe of what the human body can do. And some, well...you can't help but be in awe of what the human body can do. Just for very different reasons.

Let me break it down for you, with some bodily highlights.

Baby Moving
As my last post pointed out, our baby has been moving for a while now and there were a few developments this morning that reiterated to me that it's not always as straight forward as you think. But good news is, baby is well and that's what matters. Hopefully the other half and I will still get to see the movements get bigger, despite our baby hiding behind my placenta. Yum.

Breasts
These are out of control. They've grown like three sizes in a matter of weeks and now they're just all over the place and under my armpits and simply ginormous. You can call me Tits McGee. Are they going to keep growing the rest of the time? If so they will undoubtedly end up larger than my head and I don't know how veiny they can be before they're essentially green in colour. And I'm not even starting to lactate yet...

Wind
No one told me how windy you'd get when preggers. I've always been of the upper wind section with Crohn's (although sometimes pretend the bathroom is a soundproof room as an orchestra falls out my ass). Yet the noises coming out of me are shameful. No odour. Just noise. Although sometimes no noise; just air slowly escaping like from a deflating balloon. It's terribly embarrassing. But that - if anything - is where my Crohn's is an advantage: awkward flatulence is not a new situation. It's just the volume, in every sense when pregnant; noise and amount.

Baby Bump
I still very much from the back look like a regular gal who is not with child but then when I turn around it's a baby. Here it is! The bump is getting bigger every day and I'm awfully concerned about just how far out it's going to go by the time I'm at my 38 weeks, just from a practical side of things. How do I even stand up straight then? At least we'll have these #bumpingalong posts to look back on for comparison!

Piles
Now I had to put this in because it made me laugh so much. I read in one of the pregnancy books that around these last few weeks of pregnancy (so week 17-22 ish) piles can begin to become a problem for ladies. The best thing about what I read was one of the old wives tales that supposedly 'helps'. Ready? Cut a potato wedge and stick it between your bumcheeks on the area that's sore. It was slightly more eloquently put than that - but the imagery! A cold potato wedge in your bottom! If anyone gives this a go, I hope it works. I'm clearly not from the medical profession but hey if you're into that sort of thing...

I'll be hiding in a dark room now - but these things needed to be said.

X

Dietician Time

Got the hospital tomorrow morning to see my gastro dietician. It's a scheduled appointment from the end of last year for Crohn's, but has actually come at the perfect time in my pregnancy. This is because I want to put my mind at rest and make sure that I would be able to put on the required weight for baby and me.

I say this based on how my body can drop weight so quickly when flaring and generally how hard it can be to put weight on with Crohn's (unless you're on steroids - hello swollen moon). Over the last few weeks my weight generally hasn't changed. Like to the decimal hasn't changed, at times. But now it's creeping in the right direction which is good!

As I mentioned in a previous post, my Crohn's is as calm as it's been in years. But being pregnant has played havoc with my eating; I've completely gone off meat, and in the first trimester I was feeling nauseous all the time so eating was tricky. Despite taking the pregnancy supplements, I want to know that I am eating all the right things for a good healthy development of the little human.

Being in the glorious second trimester I have my appetite back now so I'm excited to see what recipes I can come up with that tick all the nutritional boxes for the two of us (!) based on my catch up tomorrow with my gastro dietician.

I'm making a conscious effort to eat well with these new culinary cravings and it's given me an opportunity to explore the vegetarian world a little bit - my favourite being a vegetarian chilli con carne with all the beans that I rustled up. So good!

Will post a few of my favourite recipes for any of you foodies out there as I get more adventurous with the ingredients.

But as it stands, bring me all the food. I'm ready.

X

Model Material

I've just read an article (albeit on the Daily Mail online - don't judge) that Sam Faiers who was recently diagnosed with Crohn's and since left TOWIE, has been signed to Elite Models.

This sits uneasy with me.

Not because she's making the most of her opportunities since leaving TOWIE like previous castmates, etc. But because she lost so much weight through ill-health, I feel it's a skewed view on what is deemed attractive...borderline glamourising her new smaller frame. Also the fact that her recent weight loss is unlikely to be sustainable - and it shouldn't be a weight she looks to maintain.

From personal experience, I've always been advised that an IBD patient is better to stay on the plump side (if possible) due to the speed in which you can lose weight during a flare up. Plus there's the other side of it being the speed in which you can also gain weight on a cocktail of meds. But I'm also aware that being thinner, through no fault of your own, is not particularly something you like to bring attention to. Classic examples of what not to say to a Crohn's patient include:

"You're so lucky, you can eat anything and stay skinny!"

"You've lost weight! You look great!"

The full list, which puts the phrases in context, can be found here: What not to say

If she does gain weight due to meds working and making her better, I worry she will only be forcing herself to stay thinner due to her new modelling contract. And if her previous size was ok with regards to the modelling world, why wasn't she signed before?

Just seems completely non-sensical and it makes me kinda sad.

X

Achy Bones

I have achy bones. Oh so achy.

Left knee, lower back, right shoulder. All slowly, one by one, getting more painful. Even if I'm not doing anything.

I've mentioned my knee and back to my consultant before, but it's never really something they've focused on...? Just getting a bit fed up of sitting with my legs crossed, then suddenly having to rearrange my legs because the pain is unreal. I am not of Nana age yet!

Is there a strong link between the autoimmune diseases? Can you have Crohn's and get arthritis more easily?

I had a little look into the symptoms of rheumatoid arthritis on the NHS website (as this type seems to be the most mentioned re IBDs) and it brought up the following:

• Pain
• This is usually a throbbing and aching sort of pain. Often worse in the mornings and after you have been sitting still for a while. Pain is often felt while you are resting, not after activity.
• Stiffness
• Joints affected by rheumatoid arthritis can feel stiff, especially in the morning. Morning stiffness associated with a kind of arthritis called osteoarthritis usually wears off within 30 minutes of getting up. However, rheumatoid arthritis morning stiffness usually lasts longer than half an hour.
• Warmth & Redness
• The lining of the affected joint becomes inflamed, causing the joints to swell, and become hot, tender to touch and painful.

I guess I'm just curious, that's all. Don't want to get all hypochondriac on your asses, but the achy bones are becoming increasingly more difficult to ignore!!

Any info from anyone would be greatly appreciated; you can tweet me @Harriet_IM or leave a comment below.

Ta!

X

New person?

Almost feeling back to normal. If normal was a thing.

All the symptoms that caused me to feel like a bag of broken marbles have disappeared... now it's just a case of powering through the remaining weeks of Pred! Also have the dietician on 14th and then catch up with my consultant in about a month to see how things are.

I'm not a fan of steroids as I feel it gives a false sense of security; it giveth with one hand and taketh away with the other *puts away rose tinted glasses* However, if it's patching bits up that don't make sense - even if it is only for a number of weeks - then that's a hell of a lot better than continually feeling AWFUL. And at least I'm back at work now!

And I've also joined a gym! I know. I am basically a new person. Went to Zumba Step on Wednesday...almost died. But if you pardon the pun, I am one step closer to have an ass like Shakira Shakiraaaaaa. Might as well try and turn the rapid weight gain into something that resembles a bootay instead of a Teletubby.

But yes, as I've been in this relatively normal state for a week or so now, it's let me plan and do some wonderful things! 'Twas the other half's birthday last week which meant we could have a countryside escape for the weekend. Visited a National Trust village called Lacock (oh matron) and relaxed in a converted cottage in Devizes. Simply scrumptious. Makes me want to go all Cath Kidston, put on my wellingtons, bake a pie and leave it on the window sill of my thatched cottage.

 

And now to this weekend where I will be exploring Winchester with some old girlfriends. Many giggles to be had with these two lovelies... 

And I can't bloody wait.

Catch up soon amigos!

X

Dusting off the trainers

So here's Jamie and I after the BUPA London 10k in 2010:

This was just over a year since I was diagnosed - and whilst I was still pretty fit because of uni - we decided to enter the race and raise money for Crohn's & Colitis UK (formerly NACC).

I would always say that at school I was a sprinter, as opposed to a long distance kinda gal. And anyone who knows me will agree with me when I say that I am NOT A RUNNER.

I think the fact that I bought trainers purely for the run underlines my lack of cardio activity haha. And going 'training' but taking my oyster card (just in case, obviously) probably didn't help much either... *hangs non-athletic head in shame*

But I did the race in 1hr 10mins and more importantly, I survived! Just look at the joy in my face!

Due to the amount of ups and downs that followed though, meant that I never really got a chance to monopolise on my new found fitness (!) however now that I am probably as close to remission as ever, it's time to dust off my trainers, get fit and get running!!

Would sincerely appreciate any form of donation; however big or small.

The race itself is on Sunday May 25th 2014 which gives me plenty of time to get training. Without my oyster card as back up this time.

You can donate in a variety of ways, as I'm sure you're all aware. But just to clarify you can do the following:

• Through our Just Giving page
• By clicking the widget on the left hand side of my blog
• Or text HSJD50 with the amount you wish to donate to 70070

Thanks so much for reading this and for your continued support with my blog.

You guys rock.

X

FODMAP Time

So I have completed my first full week being on the FODMAP diet, and it will be going on for the next 7 weeks (8 weeks in total)

I was determined that when I started it, I would be strict and do as the booklets say, as I really want it to make a difference! And although it's been tricky, I am now getting into a routine of different foods I can and cannot eat.

Because of this, I will be posting recipes of various meals I've had - essentially turn my blog into the occasional food diary, if you will.

Recipes will be posted on my newly added 'Foodies' page, which can either be accessed along the top tabs, or by this link: http://www.harrietsgotcrohns.com/p/foodies.html

Any queries re foods I've used, etc. please get in touch!

X

@Harriet_IM 

Uncomfortably Numb

Uhhh. I am fed up of moaning (I'm boring myself), but I need to have a vent. Sorry.

Obviously I posted yesterday saying how my bloat was super uncomfortable and painful. I also had areas of my tum where the feeling had gone away again? Couldn't feel my fingernails going across? Just numb.

Well, today is no different - if anything it's a bit bigger. And most shocking of all is that I didn't poo yesterday. AT ALL.

This is an alien experience as it's been a bloody long time since not pooing has been something to worry about. Today I have been once and it hurt ever so, but it wasn't a proper toilet time - if you know what I mean?

I have even resorted to a McDonalds to get things going since then; no luck thus far. I have had some high fibre Ryvitas; again, no luck.

Why can't I poo properly?! What is happening to my body?!

I am becoming the opposite of the main symptoms of Crohn's...fatter and pooing less.

And I have no idea why.

It's not like Crohn's has decided to go away.

At the same time though I am kind of hoping the bloat and pain hangs around until Thursday for the hospital. It's always annoying when you have an appointment and your body is well behaved. It's a false sense of security!

As for today, I have an awards do with work at The Dorchester - a proper snazzy affair. And I'm going to turn up looking preggers and wanting to poo.

Joy.

X

Ouchie

Oh today is not a good day. My stomach has been hurting since I woke up this morning; it's so bloated and painful.

I don't know if any of you are familiar with a choreographer called Martha Graham? But she did a piece called Lamentation and this is exactly how my stomach is feeling...

So stretched, and just...ouch.

I've been trying to stick to mainly liquids after the trial I discussed with my GP - but have found that soups and jellies do not give me the energy I need to function as a normal human being, if I was to do it long-term. So I have signed up for a proper liquid diet that a normal person would use, and hoping to tailor it accordingly to what works best for me!

I am planning on writing a few posts and keep you guys up to date with the weight loss and general goings on when I start it at the end of the week. If anything, just to keep me on track!

In other news, the new hospital called me on Friday. I have an appointment with them this Thursday. OH YEAH. I'm excited for it, as I'm hoping it will give me the opportunity to go through what's been happening thus far. And generally explain how it seems to have ground to a halt, with regards to seeing why I'm still having problems. I guess, it gives me the chance to start from scratch?

I feel it's very similar to when I moved from my diagnosis hospital to my current one; things had started slowing down and I didn't seem to really be getting anywhere. Then after moving I got a good two and a bit years of people wanting to help me.

As annoying and inconvenient as it is having to move hospitals, if it gets me to the point where I am officially in remission, or at least have a year's worth of normality, I will be a happy lady.

And at least I can feel a tad more pro-active with getting things looked into.

X

Liquify Me

I am on Day 3 of my liquid diet.

I went to the GP beginning of this week, inquiring about getting to the bottom of my bloatedness.

In order to do this effectively, I need to lose some weight (even though I want to anyway) to try and determine what is swelling, what is bloating and what is excess chunkychunk.

I'm only doing this for 5 days - based on advice of the GP - before I then consider long-term liquid diets [if necessary]. Mine for the time being consists of what I could find in a supermarket that was liquid and low in fibre.

FYI, there's not that much. As obviously high fibre is typically better for a body...just not my body.

I did however find a few things that I like, some things I'd not had before, but all the while kept in mind my wanting to lose weight.

So I have been keeping a food diary and noting down how much fibre is in what I'm eating; apparently less that 10-15g a day is a pretty good amount [when on a low fibre diet, obvs. Not in real life for normal bodies as higher is better, etc.]

Slight hiccup in that I went out for dinner with my friend last night...

When asking a place what their Soup of the Day is, it's not often expected to be answered with "erm...tomato...and mint?" Needless to say I wasn't going to be having that for dinner!

I then asked for an omelette, to no avail. So, margherita pizza it was. OOPS.

To be fair, it was bloody scrummy! But my gosh did I notice the difference in my stomach afterwards?!

I literally ballooned. Like BAM. Baby tummy is back.

I think it's fair to say that I would take the slight hunger pangs on the liquid diet, over the feeling of bursting out my skin with the solid food.

But I have a predicament...I don't know if what I'm doing is helping me. Well it is. Hang on, let me explain.

Liquid diet = help to lose weight but also (hopefully) eradicate the bloat.
Low fibre = help clog you up and not poo so much.

Surely if I start going to the toilet-toilet less, then I'll be bloated with poo pain anyway?!

X

Reassessment of the Situation

I got whisked off to Bournemouth for a mini weekend break with my boyfriend, as a belated birthday treat. And it was so nice. The weather (for once) was lovely and I was looking forward to being away from the hustle and bustle of London town.

We had a stroll down to the beach to then walk across to the pier and make the most of our surroundings. But what I wasn't expecting, was the way I felt when walking along the seaside.

You may remember I wrote a post a while ago about Torso Envy? Well here it was, shoved in my face.

It wasn't just the fact that I am at a weight where I feel uncomfortable to have any form of skin on show - it was seeing all these tummies, so tanned and flat. It's not even that everyone looked like a cover star, they just had normal stomachs.

But it hit me like a ton of bricks; the difficulty I have of finding ANYTHING to wear as my bloat is so large, the embarrassment of not wanting to wear anything suitable for a beach in case it clung on the rotund flamonge. It just sucked.

Obviously I didn't want to ruin the mood of the weekend, so asked if we could sit in some shade so at least I wasn't a sweaty, bloated lady.

And don't get me started on my forward-thinking for after we'd been out for dinner: don't eat too much in case we're not near a toilet, don't make a big deal about maybe not staying out and that an early night would be better, play it down that basically I just want to be able to poo in peace.

Thank god I have an understanding boyfriend.

So I have decided that as I seem to be having no luck with food (always eat low fibre, etc.) I am making an appointment with my GP to see about a liquid diet.

The only time I haven't been bloated in any way, was when I was first out of hospital having been on only fluids. As soon as solid food passed my lips, it was like someone inflated my insides and won't let it go back down.

Also, seeing as my consultant at my current hospital thinks it's ok to wait a few months for me to see a dietician, I'm going to inquire about this. Because I want to lose weight. I really do.

Not only do I have the bloat making things difficult, I now dread having to go outside as I don't know what to wear.

It's not a case of let's not be silly now, I'm sure you'll look lovely - it's the panic in having to find anything to fit me.

I've lost count the number of times clothes have made me cry recently; most ridiculous being in the Maternity Section of Topshop in Oxford St where I cried into a wall of t-shirts as I wondered how I ended up standing there, without a baby but an overwhelming need for loose clothing.

Yet despite the element of positivity I have of going on a liquid diet, I am also increasingly aware that one for Crohn's is designed to help maintain weight...as we know, losing weight is a common symptom of Crohn's (I would welcome this right now?!)

So how do I do it? Because standard liquid diets are higher in fibre/have fibre supplements, as this is helpful for a healthy gut. But I don't have a healthy gut. So what the bloody hell do I do?!

X

More Exciting News!

As you know, I was asked to write a guest post for Me and IBD - and now it is LIVE.

I wasn't sure what to write about and ended up going with my gut; in every sense of the word.

Would really appreciate it if you would have a read through and let me know what you think?

Thank you!

X

Pure Rage.

I have just returned from the hospital and I am absolutely livid. Fuming.

I am running over the conversation with the doctor over and over in my head, and doing the typical thing of 'if only I'd said that'. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

What is NOT a wonderful thing, is coming away from the hospital after waiting stupid amounts of time to be seen by someone, to then get told I will need to shit in a pot and have a scan within the next 6 weeks. Oh and here's a slip for a follow up appointment at the end of August.

I'm close to punching my computer in frustration.

AND THEN to make matters worse, we decided to go over my scans...

You know, the ones where they mentioned I may have an abdominal fistula? Shed some light on why I'm always so bloated and in levels of pain that need Oramorph to ssh them?

Well it's a no from him!

Because apparently it looks like it's just a bit of muscle inflammation...Or he said maybe it's to do with the weight I've put on...

How fucking kind of you to point that out. It's not like I'm unhappy putting weight on or anything. It's also OBVIOUSLY stupid of me to think that something must actually be wrong with my stomach. But you carry on, even though I haven't seen you since before October. Carry on chap.

You're right. All of the pain and struggle is just the weight I've put on. So yes, let's get an appointment for me to see a dietician.

I didn't realise being fat meant that your stomach:body ratio went completely disproportionate, you were always bloated and you are hard in certain areas of your stomach. That it made you feel sick once you've eaten and your poo still sounds like you're weeing. This is clearly down to the weight I've gained! And how convenient it all got worse after my operation!

Even the boyf tried to help me out as he could see I was getting agitated and teary. Nothing makes you more frustrated than when you say your piece, followed by 'Mmm yes. I appreciate that.'

NO YOU DON'T. NO YOU REALLY DON'T. Otherwise you would not let me stay this way for the next few months.

The way forward? More investigation. And for now? I just have to stay exactly as I am - ol' chubby me - until I get scanned within the next 6 weeks. And even then have to wait at least a month after that until I speak to someone face-to-face again.

Thank you ever so fucking much for absolutely nothing.

X

Ms Motivator

We've bought an exercise bike!

And not just any bike, a Davina Magnetic Exercise Bike...[sounds good?!]

The Davina magnetic exercise bike lets you burn through calories and tone your legs in a comfortable, low impact motion.

 

It has 8 levels of tension control so that you can increase the intensity of your workout as your fitness improves or simply vary the resistance within workouts.

 

It includes a centre console that reports on the various aspects of your workout.

Snazzy.

I have also quit the gym. Well almost.

Now I know you're probably thinking where's the logic in that?! You're trying to lose weight, not gain weight. But alas, my friends, there's a method in my madness;

I don't have energy at the best of times, but am very much aware that I am borderline Chubster again. I also have to deal with the unpredictability of what may or may not happen with the hospital and what that will do to my general health and well-being. Whilst this is happening, I find it very hard to justify paying £40 odd per month when I've been a handful of times due to crappy Crohn's.

Moral of the story? If Crohn's is ever going to be helpful, it's when you're trying to quit the gym ;)

Which leaves me with the predicament of HOW do I lose weight, when I'm not a member of the gym anymore?!

This is my plan...

• A 10 week workout (minus stomach crunches/sit ups until at least May 5th due to post-op rules ha) with the aim to lose around 2 lbs a week
• No carbs in the night time
• Aiming to introduce natural anti-inflammatory foods into my diet
• Trying to stick to a low fibre diet for the bloat
• Start going to salsa and ballet

But another predicament arises as low fibre foods are not very helpful for weight loss. WHY OH WHY IS THIS SO HARD?!

Take puddings: suitable suggested foods include ice cream, jelly, custard, lollies. Foods to avoid...any containing fruit or nuts.

It basically means in order to eat the right foods for my body, I'm going to have to work out super hard to get rid of this extra weight (uhhh) but I'm post-op so there's only so much I can do for the time being?!!

Got my contrast ultrasound tomorrow though, so at least then I shall hopefully have an idea of why I'm super bloated all ze tiimmmeee. And if anything, I may find out how to amend my diet accordingly.

If all else fails....................

X

Who's the Chubster?

I AM!

I am the Chubster.

After having a browse on the ol' tinternet (as you do) I thought I might look up my BMI out of interest...especially as I got weighed at the hospital on Monday - bang up to date measurements, and all that.

It appears I currently have a BMI of 26.17 which means I am classed as overweight. Not that I needed the NHS website to point this out...

To get right in the middle of what is considered a healthy BMI [in this instance, around 22] it seems I would need to lose 10kgs. And I'd like to - believe me! That's a weight I always seemed to be, around 8.5 stone...just before I got really poorly. Then I went down to around 7 stone. Awful awful awful. I was a Skinny Malinky. But now I'm around 10.5 stone and, quite frankly, don't want to be.

Diet-wise, it's been pretty stable. The Crohn's medicine and accompanying side effects, not so stable. And this is evident in my ever-changing body shape...

Ideally, I would like to be a good size 10. I currently average a size 12, sometimes a 14 (if anything, to give my arm-arse* some room ha). It's not that I'm grossly unhappy at this size. It's just hard to feel like 'me', as I was always so active and weight was never something I had to worry about. And even if my weight did fluctuate, I was so body confident (but not in an arrogant way, no no!) just content.

You know when you read about drastic dieters and their photo which shocked them into losing weight? Well ladies and gentlemen, I am going to show you mine *cringes*

I cried. I wondered how I could look like that when initially, I couldn't keep any weight on?!

 

Me at a healthy weight

[post-diagnosis and a few months after my first operation]

 

 

Arrival of the Chubster, NYE 2011. Formerly known as Harriet.

Since the Chubster made its first appearance, I have tried to shift some pounds. But it's very difficult when eating is such a tricky little thing.

I did lose a whopping 6 kgs when I first came out of hospital this year. But it's crept back on, along with the bloat... which makes me wonder, if they could cut out my bloat like I was made of Play Doh, would I miraculously be around 9 stone?!

I've even started Googling to see if I am the only person in the world who can't lose weight with Crohn's. FYI, I'm not. I just find it quite interesting, as I was always warned off dieting because you can lose weight so quickly with Crohn's [although I seem to have missed this particular symptom for quite some time now...] But it seems there is almost a subculture of Cronhnies who - try as they might - can't seem to shift the weight and don't know why.

I read somewhere that it could be down to malabsortion so the metabolism slows right down. BRILLIANT.

I have trouble knowing what to eat with my Crohn's anyway, and it's something I often discuss with my consultants. What is typically deemed good for you in a healthy person, is not so healthy for my insides; brown rice, seeds, vegetables. I need a relatively low fibre diet, which is fine! Except it doesn't help when I can't control my weight gain as it is!

I would also happily go to the gym and get super-active again. Except I'm always so bloody tired or in post-op recovery, that I just don't have the energy to do it.

It's a never ending cycle guys! And one that I'm keen to break.

So, I have made it my mission to take back control of my ridiculous body and try my damn hardest to slim down to a size 10. I'm not fussed how much I weigh and whether my BMI is ok. I just want to feel comfortable in my clothes; and not comfortable like 'oooh jogging bottoms fit me well' haha. Comfortable like 'hey guys, I look and feel great!'

To begin, I am going to start a food diary for two reasons: detect trigger foods for the bloat and to make me aware of what I'm eating.

I think I'm going to post a few food diary entries on here - even ones where I know I've not had the best day - as it will be an incentive to keep going with it.

Wish me luck amigos!

From the Midi-Chubster
...formerly the Chubster...
formerly known as Harriet

X

*arm-arse is the bit by your armpit where you have excess skin, thus creating a skin fold which looks like a bum.

Body Struggles

Well today's been fun (?!)

Running late this morning, as I couldn't find my little cool bag to put my Humira in to take with me to work. Slight panic.

Cue a menopausal hot flush on the tube with a mini strip because I felt like my body was on fire, just from the swift jog to the station.

Did aforementioned Humira jab and bled through onto my dress. Excellent injecting skills Harriet.

And I'm still bloated like a pregnant lady...look, no feet!

I also found out today that I have my CT Scan on 24th April at 5:15pm. So not too far away, except I can't eat for 8 hours before...I'm going to die of starvation! The temptation in an office job is the biscuits. Damn the biscuits. Must. Avoid. The. Biscuits.

Normally it's not so bad as my appointments tend to be in the morning, so those 8 hours are mainly made up of me being asleep - therefore not eating. Obviously. Unless I had Nocturnal Sleep-Related Eating Disorder, where you sleep-eat (unless maybe I do? That's why I'm always bloated and don't know why haha)

In other news, I am trying to work out how to go about my appointment this coming Monday when I get to see my consultant.

Out of all the medical people I see, the Gastro team are the ones where I can have a moan and not feel bad about it because they're actually helpful. But I'm already worried that there won't be much they can do, and it will be a case of 'need to see your surgeon' again...

We shall see what happens!!

X