Half Marathon Plodder

When I started blogging, someone once asked me if I minded that my main topic was my Crohn's - I guess meant in a way of did I want to write more about me, without the obvious affiliation to my disease. And I didn't really know how to answer it?

The older I've got the more I've realised that it is part of me; whether I like it or not it has an effect on all areas of my life, both good and bad. And the fact of the matter is, I am my Crohn's and my Crohn's is me. Of course there are days when I begrudge the seeming unfairness of it all - especially when I was younger and I was spending more time in hospital waiting rooms than I was at university. And in more recent times realising I really don't have a choice at all in how my body behaves. But my body has also fascinated me by pretty much pretending Crohn's is gone when I've been pregnant with my boys, and it's allowed me to go on and have two very healthy, wonderful pregnancies. Swings and roundabouts, etc.

I had my post-op colonscopy on the weekend and (surprise, surprise), there's still signs of active disease which means upping my dose and frequency of my biologic meds. So yes, it can still get me down. I'm doing as I'm told, I'm taking my medicine... I'm doing all the things the doctors advise AND YET we don't ever really seem to get ahead of the disease.

But despite all of the monotony of a chronic illness and pain, I got my Crohnsy arse in gear and I managed to complete my pledged half marathon distance for Crohn's & Colitis UK. Well done me. 

I aimed to do 7 miles walking as I was waaaaaay below on my iron - normal healthy person optimum iron ~40, I came in with a strong 4. So I packed my backpack and off I went into the wilderness of the westcountry with only my headphones and the cows to keep me company. My main concern was literally shitting in the woods, but alas, no Paula Radcliffe this time round. I found that the walking itself wasn't too bad and I think because of how crap last year was, there was definitely that drive to plod on and keep going. To see donations coming in as I walked was so encouraging (shed a tear by some sheep in a field because I'm a mess?) But it really did spur me on. So much so, that my aim of 7 miles came and went and lo and behold these little tired legs completed the half marathon in one stint. 

I really am proud of myself because I really didn't think I'd manage it. And I did my 13.21 miles in 4hr 23m. Because of my shameless pride I have no qualms in saying the Walk It fundraising campaign ends on 30 June so this is my final call to anyone who would like to donate to Crohn's & Colitis UK.

https://www.mywalkit.org.uk/fundraising/harriets-walking 

I'm going to try and put some videos up of me rambling whilst I rambled. But just want to say a massive thanks to everyone that has donated so far. It means so much to me, as I imagine this is a charity that I will need to lean on many more times in the future.

X

Cheers & Change

Earlier on this week I posted a well overdue message of thanks to our friends and family, as we've only got around to going through everything now the Christmas break is all done. (So again) wow; the other half and I are completely overwhelmed with everyone's kind words and generosity with their gifts. I just wanted to reiterate how thankful we are...tip top welcoming of our son into the world, guys.

When reading through the congratulations and looking at photos from the first couple of weeks you realise how much your little human changes - and how quickly it happens. Other parents tell you to make the most of when they're a newborn because it doesn't last very long. They're not wrong! Me and the little fella had his six week check up today with the Health Visitor and as he was lying there being weighed, he looked like a proper little boy. Already. Not the small human lump he has been since his arrival back in November. There he was, his big open eyes looking around. The cooing and gurgling (and grunting?!) Lifting his head up and checking out the scenery. His face has changed so much.

But because he is only six weeks - that's not even 50 days old yet - I still get cuddles with my tiny spud; his little legs all froggy and tucked up like he's in my womb. There is honestly no feeling like it. I HAVE A SON. WE MADE A TINY HUMAN AND NOW HE'S HERE IN REAL LIFE. Barmy isn't it?!

As you can sense I'm still having moments of what the ruddy hell?! We. Are. Parents. It really is quite the baptism of fire with almost every day bringing a new experience as a first-time mummy and daddy. FYI, it's true what they say; you can read all the advice books in the world beforehand, but nothing actually prepares you for when your small human comes home.

But he is here. And now we officially have our own line on the family tree.
(It's true. He's legally registered as a human being and everything)
X

And then there were three

Quite the cliffhanger I left you guys on...

But our bump to baby day was just that; and now we're 6 weeks in to being a little family of three thanks to our new addition of a little baby BOY! My slight inkling towards the end of pregnancy suggesting my bab be might be a girl was proved wrong at 12:37pm on 18th November as we welcomed a tiny human boy via c-section, weighing 6lbs 9oz.

I had every intention of writing about the whole birthing experience sooner than now - but I became utterly consumed by our new baby and I wanted to just enjoy my new role as Mummy to our spud. If you happen to follow me on Instagram then there's no doubt you would have seen my new family goings on as I continue to fill my feed with Baby Spam. FYI, Baby Spamming looks highly unlikely to stop in 2017 so by all means jump on board, chaps. Or don't. I don't mind, 'tis your call.

The last six weeks have flown by though and it's amazing how much has gone on during that time. My venture into parenthood has, generally speaking, been one of the most incredible things that's happened in my life so far and I feel it deserves a more detailed blog post (which will follow in the New Year). I say 'generally speaking' as naturally when you try anything new, there will always be trials and tribulations as you find your feet. And my word first-time parenthood has some steep learning curves! Like, I don't know, learning how to function with no sleep and a baby on your boob. Wouldn't change it for the world, mind.

For now however, I wanted to say that I hope you all had a smashing Christmas and enjoy this evening as we say ta ta and farewell to 2016 and look forward to what 2017 has to offer. But I also wanted to say a massive thank you for reading my ramblings as this year saw me take on my biggest adventure yet.

Happy New Year from one hormonal and proud Mummy. Here's to doing the 'pump and dump' so Mummy can have a few glasses of bubbles or a wkd blue.

X

Pregnancy Lent

Kind of. We're now less than 40 days and 40 nights and there will probably be a lot of pancakes consumed by yours truly.

Officially (as I type) we have 37 days to go until our c-section date and the list of things to do/buy before the human arrives is getting that bit smaller; which means it's getting that bit more real still. I said at the start of blogging about my pregnancy that although it's Biology 101 for how a baby is made and grows, it is still one of the most fascinating things I have ever experienced in my life. I still consider myself extremely lucky to have had a relatively 'normal' pregnancy with regards to my Crohn's calming down - and if it comes back once bab is out, then I will cross that bridge when I get there. But at least I've been able to feel like I have carried this baby with little to no complications thus far. Just can't let my arse fall out at the final hurdle, to quote my gastro surgeon.

Talking of bottoms...seamless link...

I think more needs to be said about HOW CONSTIPATED YOU GET IN THE THIRD TRIMESTER. Let alone how you feel like Windy Miller with the air just falling out of you, top and bottom. I'm a disgrace. Thank god I've been with my other half for 9 years, because the romance has well and truly died recently! I'm not used to having bowel movements like a bus service on a Sunday in a village. My bowels pre-preg were a 10-15 times a day situation. I don't know how to deal with this once a day malarkey!? How do you people do it? I feel like it's just not enough. But hey, if bab slows down my digestive system to a snail's pace, then that is the less frequent shitting hand I've been dealt. It frees up so much time! Although saying that, the toilet dashes have been replaced by toilet dashes...just for a number one instead. But still so much quicker! Even if you need to do all the weeing, what with the baby pushing down on the organs. And sneezing still makes me nervous, mind - ruddy pelvic floors *squeezes muscles*

Did a version of a #bumpingalong for my 33 weeks (got to get the lift pics in whilst I can) and I'm kitted out in head to toe maternity Topshop. Even gave a nursing bra a run out and I felt so free. Big ol' wobbly mama-to-be boobies. And despite my breasts being the largest they've ever been in my life, my baby bump is so much further out - hence my human pyramid effect.

So yep, this week and it's my last week of work; all finished on Thursday. I will do a final work-based #bumpingalong and a post about maternity leave, as I'm already finding the concept quite odd. It's a real mix of emotions.

But for now, I think I've done a good bit of oversharing...

X

Hidden Kicks

22 weeks today and as we're all aware, Mondays are never the best days of the week anyway. And today was certainly no different as I sat in my GP waiting to see the doctor after a lack of sleep for worrying about our baby.

As I mentioned a few weeks back, I've been feeling baby movement for a good while now - established timings and a pattern to keep an eye on. Even being able to see the moving through my clothes. But over the last few days, the movements seemed less often and when they did happen in the usual time slot, they just seemed so faint. I've been beside myself with worry the last day or two and it culminated in me being awake last night willing our baby to do a big movement so I knew all was fine.

You just feel useless. And then you worry that your body isn't working properly and that your baby isn't going to be all right. So when you pass a time frame where usually things would happen and there's nothing...it just made me so anxious. Especially as a first-time mum-to-be as I have absolutely zero experiences to base this all on, so naturally you look for reassurance where you can.

My doctor felt my bump this morning and said it was the right size and felt as it should for my gestation. And the main thing for me was that I also got to hear our baby's heartbeat. I can't describe the relief of knowing that baby was doing ok and things were actually as it should be.

Turns out that looking back over my scan notes, my placenta is positioned anterior high which means it's at the front of my uterus, as opposed to the back; when the placenta is at the front it can sometimes cushion the movement of the baby. So it seems likely that our hyperactive mini human went on a wander and moved to a place where even though they're moving all the time still, they've softened the blow of kicking me hard. They just put us through the mill emotionally instead of physically!

I spoke to my midwives this morning and they let me know that I'd done exactly the right thing in following it up with a medical professional. At the risk of sounding silly, I was all sorts of emotional, worrying and I just wanted to someone to tell me that I was being dramatic and it was fine - again searching for that reassurance.

My other half was so incredibly supportive with all this going on, too. Speaking as the pregnant one in our relationship, I've had to have moments to sit back and realise that he only knows how I'm feeling with baby based on what I share with him. He can't tell the difference in feeling of a flutter and more substantial kick. Let alone if those patterns of feeling have changed? So for him to be able to keep me as calm as possible when really he has no idea either, just makes me appreciate him even more.

What an anecdote to share when they're older: "Ahh, do you remember that time you played hide and seek with my placenta? You rascal, you."

But yes, at least now we know that our little one is actually doing wonderfully. They just made their mummy and daddy temporarily shit themselves.

X

PS: Kicks Count do a band you can use to keep track of periods of movement. Super helpful in these situations, especially if the baby brain has kicked in. And their website is full of such useful info as well.

My Kicks Count wristband on arrival

Bear With.

Hallooo!

I know I was rather busy on the ol' social media as the junk food debacle developed (and quite rightly so, well done IBDers for making noise) however since then I've been rather quiet on the blogging side of things...

That's because I am in the middle of building my new website. An actual website! Not one through Blogger! Blogger you've done me well, but now I feel it's time to move on; it's not you, it's me, etc.

The new domain name is www.harrietsgotcrohns.co.uk

Currently this will redirect you to my original Blogger, erm, blog. But as it stands, the .com domain doesn't work - so sorry if you're lost on the interweb desperately wanting to read my posts!

At the moment my new website is very much in the early stages - most pages are kind of there with regards to content; just lots of tweaking and adjusting the layouts, fonts and what not. But I seem to be having a large problem with getting my actual blog over to my new website. Bear with whilst I try and decipher the internet and its goings on, without having to copy and paste 120+ posts individually.

I'm also including a gallery as well as recipe section, like there is on here. But generally [I'm hoping] the whole thing will be a better user experience and easier on the eye. Always helps!

*SNEAKY PEAK*

By creating a whole website though, it does allow room for my blog to grow with me; maybe cover my interest in clothes and beauty a little more, can amend it for when that time comes to walk down the aisle, or even when I forget I have Crohn's and try for a baby...? It's exciting stuff.

NB: By the way, none of the latter is happening in the near future. But still, I'm essentially laying down foundations for you all to listen to me jabbering on. Indefinately.

Just hope you're all still enjoying reading?! Which is why there will also be a proper contact page as I love hearing your feedback. Keeps me going!

The fact that I'm sitting on just shy of 38,000 still boggles my mind.

So thank you.

X

Crazy Week

Phew! I don't even know where to start with all the crazy goings on over the last week!?

Best to go in CROHNological order I guess... with photos galore!

BUPA London 10k Time

As you all know, Jamie and I had our 10k run on Sunday 25th May. And we did it! And even better, we've raised (currently) £663!! Way over our initial £500 target. So to celebrate we took some over the top selfies and had a cocktail in the sunshine. My evident athleticism shining through haha.

The JustGiving page is kept open until mid August, so it's not too late to make a cheeky donation! Click the widget on the side of my blog (not on mobile) or you can text HSJD50 £3 to 70070.

Thanks again for all your support!!

Birthday Fun!

And so the run was done, it was a Bank Holiday 4 day week and it was the week of my birthday. Amazing times to be had!

I got treated to a scrumptious meal made by the other half and got to see Wicked. Oh my, it was indeed wicked. Wickedly awesome. Can't believe it took me so long to see it!! If you haven't, go. Go see the show.

Now I just need to update my About Harriet section to say I'm 26 now. Not 25. Late twenties (oooh)

And so to this week...

Got to love the unpredictability of Crohn's, eh? I had a day off sick on Tuesday and broke down at work yesterday - so smooth - and now working from home.

Did I forget to mention that I'd been bleeding since the day before the run?! Yes. I had. When I type it, it feels like I am talking about menstruation mmm yeah, but hell no. It was the return of the shit yourself toilet trips, but in a non-literal way. No wonder I was so ruddy tired all the time.

Got my bloods done on Tuesday so awaiting the results from that; typically they come back normal, despite me knowing my body well enough to know things aren't normal.

And although totally the wrong thing to do by ignoring it for a few days, at least I got to enjoy a week of achievement and birthday fun!

Onwards and upwards IBDers!!

X

Dusting off the trainers

So here's Jamie and I after the BUPA London 10k in 2010:

This was just over a year since I was diagnosed - and whilst I was still pretty fit because of uni - we decided to enter the race and raise money for Crohn's & Colitis UK (formerly NACC).

I would always say that at school I was a sprinter, as opposed to a long distance kinda gal. And anyone who knows me will agree with me when I say that I am NOT A RUNNER.

I think the fact that I bought trainers purely for the run underlines my lack of cardio activity haha. And going 'training' but taking my oyster card (just in case, obviously) probably didn't help much either... *hangs non-athletic head in shame*

But I did the race in 1hr 10mins and more importantly, I survived! Just look at the joy in my face!

Due to the amount of ups and downs that followed though, meant that I never really got a chance to monopolise on my new found fitness (!) however now that I am probably as close to remission as ever, it's time to dust off my trainers, get fit and get running!!

Would sincerely appreciate any form of donation; however big or small.

The race itself is on Sunday May 25th 2014 which gives me plenty of time to get training. Without my oyster card as back up this time.

You can donate in a variety of ways, as I'm sure you're all aware. But just to clarify you can do the following:

• Through our Just Giving page
• By clicking the widget on the left hand side of my blog
• Or text HSJD50 with the amount you wish to donate to 70070

Thanks so much for reading this and for your continued support with my blog.

You guys rock.

X

Namaste

Starting yoga tonight.

Organised through my office - which is an added bonus, as it means I can't miss a class with it being straight after I've finished my working day. Plus it will firmly put exercise back on the map of my life.

Very excited as I'm so ready to get back into exercising properly again! More so now I know internally things are settling down/going in the right direction for once!

I'm also excited as yoga will not only help with the physical side of losing weight, toning up...but also the mental side.

And it seems perfectly timed as I have my first counselling sesh this Thursday.

Namaste indeed.

X

What took me so long?

I had an appointment yesterday and all I can say is: why in the world did it take me so long to move hospitals?!

To start with I was amazed by the waiting area - it was like an airport in the year 3013. I loved it...

• You check yourself in by either scanning your letter, or putting in your details on a machine
• When that's done you plonk yourself down on a chair - anywhere - as there are screens all over the shop
• Your name will then appear on screen when you're ready to be seen, accompanied by a gate and a room number
• BOOM BABY! Off you trot to your appointment

Nifty little check in machines

Waiting area (main part)

Coffee whilst you wait?

Initial technological excitement to one side, I was actually very impressed with everything at St Thomas'.

The doctor I saw clearly loved his job and seemed knowledgeable about everything gastro. 

He pointed out that there were multiple things he wanted to check out, and to be honest, I'm a little bit miffed my old hospital didn't bother doing any of the following...

1. Check my B12 levels; as after a resection it's apparently important to keep an eye on this
2. Book me in for a colonoscopy; as St Thomas' have a rule that 6 months after intestinal surgery things should be checked to see all is well
3. Check my enzyme levels; as it's not advisable to be on Humira on its own, so checking to see if I can go back on Azathioprine too
4. Have another MRI; as he isn't convinced what they were looking for in my most recent one was the correct investigation
5. Check my thyroid; as I explained the weight gain issue (as in never lose any despite eating little and exercising)

All in all, he spoke to me like I was a human. He also didn't just assume that the bloat was my fault, unlike my previous consultant. And he said I will hear from a dietitian within a matter of weeks for additional advice.

AND he gave me a card for the IBD Team so - and I quote - I never have to feel like I don't know what's going on again. 

He also said that he sees a few other patients who are always super bloated. All of the time. Yet not all of them have an IBD. Interesting.

That in itself was a relief because it meant I knew I'd hopefully get somewhere with the ol' flamonge.

So I have a lot of investigation coming up, but that fact that he is so keen to find out what's happening with my Crohn's, my bloat and me makes me one happy Crohnie.

I now have a rejuvenated excitement for the future (again!)

X

More Exciting News!

As you know, I was asked to write a guest post for Me and IBD - and now it is LIVE.

I wasn't sure what to write about and ended up going with my gut; in every sense of the word.

Would really appreciate it if you would have a read through and let me know what you think?

Thank you!

X

Pure Rage.

I have just returned from the hospital and I am absolutely livid. Fuming.

I am running over the conversation with the doctor over and over in my head, and doing the typical thing of 'if only I'd said that'. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

What is NOT a wonderful thing, is coming away from the hospital after waiting stupid amounts of time to be seen by someone, to then get told I will need to shit in a pot and have a scan within the next 6 weeks. Oh and here's a slip for a follow up appointment at the end of August.

I'm close to punching my computer in frustration.

AND THEN to make matters worse, we decided to go over my scans...

You know, the ones where they mentioned I may have an abdominal fistula? Shed some light on why I'm always so bloated and in levels of pain that need Oramorph to ssh them?

Well it's a no from him!

Because apparently it looks like it's just a bit of muscle inflammation...Or he said maybe it's to do with the weight I've put on...

How fucking kind of you to point that out. It's not like I'm unhappy putting weight on or anything. It's also OBVIOUSLY stupid of me to think that something must actually be wrong with my stomach. But you carry on, even though I haven't seen you since before October. Carry on chap.

You're right. All of the pain and struggle is just the weight I've put on. So yes, let's get an appointment for me to see a dietician.

I didn't realise being fat meant that your stomach:body ratio went completely disproportionate, you were always bloated and you are hard in certain areas of your stomach. That it made you feel sick once you've eaten and your poo still sounds like you're weeing. This is clearly down to the weight I've gained! And how convenient it all got worse after my operation!

Even the boyf tried to help me out as he could see I was getting agitated and teary. Nothing makes you more frustrated than when you say your piece, followed by 'Mmm yes. I appreciate that.'

NO YOU DON'T. NO YOU REALLY DON'T. Otherwise you would not let me stay this way for the next few months.

The way forward? More investigation. And for now? I just have to stay exactly as I am - ol' chubby me - until I get scanned within the next 6 weeks. And even then have to wait at least a month after that until I speak to someone face-to-face again.

Thank you ever so fucking much for absolutely nothing.

X

Wow

I hit 15,000 views on my blog.

THANK YOU!

I decided that because of this, I would pimp it out and add some new pages (which you can see across the top bar...) And then I thought, why not go crazy and make it an official website. So I did!

The old link will now redirect you to www.harrietsgotcrohns.com

How exciting! *does a crazy dance*

I think the ol' cliché I'm looking for is...Go big. Or go home.

So I went big. And it's all down to you guys :)

X

Reaction

Well.........

I posted yesterday afternoon about me and my depression. I have to say I am overwhelmed with the reaction in such a short space of time.

Not only did my hits hop up in hundreds during the night, but I also had people get in touch who I haven't heard from in a while. Overall, the messages have been extremely supportive and positive, and it's amazing to know that my story has given people strength in some way. But a few wondered if it would be better to keep this element of my life more private, as it's a difficult thing to deal with.

Firstly, I would like to say thank you for your concern. But I promised myself when writing this blog that I would be open and honest. This for me, is a type of therapy where I can tell everyone and no one at the same time.

If I can be so open about what my bowels are up to, why can't I also talk about what my mind is up to? After all, it's all part of the person that I am.

I'd also like to point out that at no point have I been on anti-depressants - it's not that I believe they don't work, I just don't think they have been right for me. And throughout my life I have (and will) find ways to help me get through the really shitty times.

All in all, I am a generally cheery person with a positive outlook on life and my Crohn's...but I am also only human and I can't be strong all the time.

Thanks again though to people who have got in touch - it means a lot that not only do you take the time to read my blog, but to reach out and contact me because of that makes it all the more worthwhile.

X

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."

Mental

It's mental to think that just over a month ago, I was umming and ahhing with myself on whether to even start this blog.

Who would want to read about my pooing habits anyway? Yes, everybody poos. But people can be so typically British, that no one dares admit they even pass wind - let alone poop.

Yet here I am, just hit 9000 views in a month and I feel like this has honestly been the best therapy for helping me cope with what's gone on/going on/goes on. 

You've made me feel rather proud of myself, as I've indirectly stumbled across a skill I never knew I really had - writing. And writing well enough that people want to keep reading.

So thank you guys. For even clicking on the link in the first place.

X

A bit about me

Hi guys. 

I guess the first thing to say is thank you for taking the time to read this!

You may have guessed that I'm Harriet - and I have Crohn's disease. I'm 24 years old and after 4 years since diagnosis, I just felt that I wanted to share my experiences with having Crohn's and the challenges it can throw your way.

So a brief overview of what's gone on so far...

• Diagnosed in January 2009; although general consensus is that I've had it since I was 16

• 9 operations for recurring perianal abscesses due to two fistulae (excellent)

• Tried a cocktail of every med under the sun and am now on Humira fortnightly

• About to have a strictureplasty through open surgery which takes me into double figures 

It's certainly been tough and there are times where I really question how much I can deal with. But what I do know, is that with the support network I have - both medical and personal - it makes it that bit easier when times are a tad shitty. Pardon the pun.

Hopefully you may find it helpful/comforting/funny/interesting reading my blog, as I know it's certainly helped me reading about what other people have been through. 

And I also apologise in advance for some content as it will most likely contain the word 'poo'. 

I'm going to try and post regularly (albeit not the best time to start as it's days before my surgery!) but I want to write about the ups and downs I've had so far, as well as the new experiences that I shall have. Essentially you could look at this blog as therapy for me. And why not share that with strangers on the World Wide Web?!

Look forward to sharing my Crohn's stories with you all.

Toodles for now dudes.

X