Woah to 2

WE ARE HAVING ANOTHER BABY *klaxon*

We're going to be a family of 4. Two children. A second spud due for arrival in September. Woah.

I still find it quite mind blowing that my husband and I coped (?!) with the secrecy of those early pregnancy days, whilst our first born was having the worst health experiences of his little life so far. Such a dramatic overlap.

The six weeks of knowing there's a new human growing, but weren't yet scanned and in the 'safe zone', all the while being tested in ways that you hope to never be tested as a parent... I found that really tough. My emotions went through the ringer; wanting to do everything for my son yet trying to stay calm for the unborn. I wanted to shout from the rooftops that we were expecting another child, so please bear with me if I seem wildly overemotional. And yes I would like some gas and air in the ambulance, thank you please. However, we had to make sure our son was all right and another few weeks of sshing about the bab wouldn't hurt. Now we've been scanned. We've seen the tiny spud. My rooftop shouting can really take off.

We actually found out we were expecting the day before our son's first seizure episode. Talk about highs and lows in a condensed space of time! But due to terrible period maths on my part, I had no idea how pregnant I was. I did guessing based on whether I took multiple tampons to my Christmas do - even with that, I wasn't sure if that meant I was nearly finished or had just come on? So in short. No. I don't know when my last period was. I just knew that the four different tests all suggested that there wasn't going to be another period anytime soon. All sticks pointed to POSITIVE.

It was all very surreal because that technically meant that we were going to be parents of two. Jesus. The toddler terrible twos are very much a thing we're in the middle of - so what happens when you have a toddler and a newborn?! I once heard the phrase that when it comes to multiple children, two is a zoo. And there we were... positively pregnant with a second. Zoo, here we come.

Did the relevant admin with the midwife and got booked in for our dating scan. We were so close to being able to tell people (as long as all was well) and I could sense the anticipation of no longer having to dress in a sack and walk like Quasi Modo to hide the bump. Yet as I mentioned with my bad period maths, our scan meant we were actually only 10 weeks pregnant. So not able to officially announce the second bab - and equally not pregnant enough to have the first set of screenings, either. This also meant another due date after measuring the little thing. Back in two and a bit weeks to do the proper dating scan then!

The longest two weeks of all time, yet there we sat, looking at the new bean on the screen. I cried. I've felt so emotional this whole pregnancy - not sure if it's because of the timings/circumstances around when we found out? Or that my awareness has heightened with regards to pregnancy not going the way it's supposed to. It's most likely a combination of all, but at least I had the take home from that appointment that our new bean was doing well. Everything looked as it should. We also had another due date now they could actually measure crown to rump...it's a late September baby! (Minus a week or so due to elective c-section so my arse doesn't fall out in pushing, thank you Crohn's). So yes, now we can tell friends and family the good news. I can be preg and proud.

I'm so pleased that I took the time to blog every week when pregnant beforehand - and despite my slack writing since then - I have decided to do it again with this bab. I'm currently 15+6, my turn of the weeks being on a Wednesday. I want to document all the iddy biddy feelings and share how different (or not) they are from the first time round. And I'm going to try and be a trendy mum-to-be with an outfit post each week too. Because my word, this bab has popped right out. Muscle memory, or whatever it is... I don't know how I'm going to dress this speedy bump. Unitards? Tents? I'll be sure to share the weekly outcomes regardless.

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Who Am I?

It seems my blogging hiatuses are getting wildly out of hand. Over seven months this time. Maybe you're wondering who I even am? It's been so long!

I suppose my main reason for the break was to focus on getting better from the crazy flare I had over Winter, and to try and get back to 'normal' with regards to routine in both work and home. And I got there! Ish. I mean, I've been back at work properly since February and am also now in the depths of trying to buy a house which can go on to become my home.

Whenever I have a break from writing it's always quite a challenge for me to get back on that hypothetical bike; there's always that moment of WHAT IF NOBODY WANTS TO READ THIS ANYMORE?! Yet I've decided that actually, that's fine. Because I know I find writing therapeutic. I know I enjoy sharing my thoughts.

So for anyone that is reading/cares, brief summary of (essentially) 2018 thus far:

• Back working full time
• Been a wife for nearly eleven months
• Off all meds to try and reset my body/see what state it's left in
• Turned 30
• Continued to watch my son become the funniest little human 
• Trying to buy a house

I don't know if it's because I've had a milestone birthday?? But I've done a lot of thinking this year. And more recently in particular, I've done a lot of thinking about what direction I want my writing to go.

I think I've mentioned it before, in that this obviously began as a way for me to talk about my Crohn's and was started at a time where I was due the largest operation I'd had. I was shit scared. I didn't know what lay ahead, but I was already aware of the duff hand I'd been dealt re my health. Time passed, I blogged about the arse situations my body had thrown at me - and I'd like to think that on the whole I coped (!) with it all rather well. Then I had a reassessment of here blog and decided Hattie, etc. was the way forward. I was more than my Crohn's. And I wanted this platform to be a representation of that. The natural progression was to then write about being preg - which honestly, I look back at all my posts from when I was that first-time mama-to-be and I am so so glad I wrote as often as I did. Things that for the life of me, I cannot remember happening, yet I have all my thoughts and feelings sitting there in this hub to relive.

That then leads me to now, though. Not pregnant. Still very much an active Crohn's patient. Where do I go from here? What do I write about? What do I have to say?

There are things that have happened that quite frankly I would have loved to have written about so openly, but as with anything...time and a place...and often it's not the right time. Or necessarily the right place. It can be a challenge to work through life's hurdles anyway, let alone when you get bad news; or terribly sad news; or news that you would just rather have on another day when you feel like you can deal with it better.

One thing I've learnt as I've got older (and also since I've become a mother), is that there are a lot of things that I have no control over - try as I might - but it's how I deal with situations, which will help shape me as a person. Who I am as a mum. Who I am at work. Who I am as an individual. Who I am as a wife. Who I am within my family. Who I am as a friend.

And maybe that's what I write about now? Who I am. Who actually am I?

I'm not promising any fantastic content that will provide you with endless laughs or equally all the tears. But as I delve deeper into my 30s I plan on writing as many of my experiences as I go: family holidays, being a mother to a glorious little boy, tales of being a wife, buying a family home and the subsequent interior design (FINALLY. Time to release my inner Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen *puts on a pussybow blouse with a fluted sleeve*) And maybe also for that one day in the future when I'm a mama-to-be again. Perhaps even some of my outfits, whilst I'm at it.

Because that's who I am. I am all of those things. I am like a human dodecahedron and I want to write all about it.

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Dancing Humbug

Headspace

If you follow me on social media, you would have seen that this week has been quite a challenging one for me - especially with regards to my Crohn’s and how I’m maybe not handling it in the best way this time. It’s an emotionally draining disease: the rollercoaster of feelings you can have in such a short space of time is quite overwhelming and this particular flare up seems different. I don’t know why, it just does. In all likelihood it could be down to the fact that I currently have no ‘normality’ yet; I’m still in a settling in period. My mundane routines are shot to hell what with the relocation from London, being a newlywed, going back to work after Maternity Leave and the mum-guilt associated with that. My support network is still there, oh for sure. But my personal go-to coping mechanisms aren’t necessarily.

I guess I just don’t feel like I have that guarantee this time, where my mind doesn’t need to flap so much (I have zero reason to think things won’t be ok and I am more than aware at the irrationality *eye rolls at self*) But for instance, these are the things I worry about…how I haven’t been back at work long enough to feel like I can prove myself, e.g. when my insides go mental don’t worry guys! Because when I’m healthy, oh I’m grand. Or to know how to function as a Mummy when really poorly. Or worrying about WHAT IS THE ACTUAL PLAN WITH MY CROHN’S. And when you’re sitting in a hospital bed on your lonesome in the middle of the night, you can’t help but let your mind wander.

There just seems so much uncertainty and for a woman who likes a plan…this one’s tough.

I spoke with my IBD nurses at the hospital and they recommended reaching out to the psychologists here. I’ve always been very vocal how for me counselling has been a great help – I’ve tried a variety over the years from one-to-one youth counselling, to a more general CBT approach and also group sessions for people with other chronic conditions. And now I feel that I need another outlet. For who I am as a person now. As a mother. As a wife. As a new West Country bumpkin. Where do I fit in and how do I learn how to manage with my Crohn’s for the current set up? Excuse the wanky term, but that’s a ‘journey’ that I’m going to have to go on and hopefully find out some of those answers.

I need to learn that only I put pressure on myself to be worrying for everyone one else in the world. But hey, once a worrier! But also that it’s key to know it’s all right that there’ll be things out of my control and everything will be just fine whether I’m in hospital or not. Whether I sit in this bed for another two weeks or I’m allowed home tomorrow. And that I’m also no use to anyone if I don’t allow myself time to get better: do as I’m told. Do as the doctors say. Rest when told. Let my body do its thing. Because my Crohn’s alone looks to be laden with many more hurdles and challenges over the coming months and I need to be ready for that. And it’s something I’ll be sharing with you all for sure.

From a more general standpoint as it stands with regards to my care, we are yet to manage a full meal. However we have had the camera up the ass today – wonderful Friday morning activity – and also had another x-ray to see what the bloody hell is happening inside me. There is a pesky 30cm section of small intestine that was found back in Summer 2015 and it was something we were ‘keeping an eye on’. Well the eyes have been subsequently peeled and nothing has changed so… but herein lies the problem. 30cm is a sizable chunk of small intestine. We don’t just whip that out willy nilly now guys. When discussing the large intestine, there are slightly more options surgically speaking – in that you can actually take it out completely if needs be. But when it comes to the unusually named small intestine (bearing in mind you have around 6m), you can’t live without that. And the more you chip away at it with resections, the more you leave yourself susceptible to future complications. Nutritional issues, feeding through tubes, being open to more serious diseases. Lovely stuff. So we’re tackling this from a medical point of view first. We’re mixing up the meds. We’re changing the doses. We’re hoping that I haven’t indirectly been overdosing on azathioprine as my weight has dropped. To quote the surgeon, is the resection off the table? No, not particularly. Is it something that requires urgent intervention this week? Also no.

So it’s time to get my game face on. It’s time to get my headspace sorted. Take those 3 minutes a day to meditate and zone out. To plan whatever is within my remit to prepare for.

And know that the rest will sort itself out.

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All New

*I've amended the heading for my blog, as I'm not sure how long 'new' lasts with regards to being a new mama. And am now no longer wedding planning as I'm a wife. But Crohn's is still ever present. We can talk about that another time perhaps?

Since I last blogged...

• We relocated from London to the Westcountry
• Moved in with the in-laws
• I came off of Maternity Leave and am now a full time working mother
• We got married!
• Had a minimoon, sans son
• It's our son's first birthday

So everything's still a bit new for me.

Having a blogging hiatus seemed slightly more acceptable when I sat back and realised how much change was happening in my life. I also feel that I very much wildly underestimated what the above tasks would entail; in both a physical and mental sense.

We'd covered all major life events in a period of around 8 weeks - never mind the sister-in-law's wedding, cousin's wedding and all the hens and stags in between. I think by the end of October I had decided that 'time' wasn't a thing any more. It didn't exist. It either went way too fast or chunks of time seemed to disappear without warning; not enough hours in the day, etc. etc.

So you're probably thinking, everything seems to have calmed down a bit now - why hop back onto the blogging figurative bicycle and share my thoughts? Well...this is by no means a 'woe is me' post; however I've mentioned before that sometimes slapping the keyboard with my feelings is quite the therapeutic task in itself. I've been thinking a lot about blogging of late - whether it be to help actually process all the change that's gone on, the fact my son is reaching his first birthday milestone and all that it brings with it (parenting highs, lows, challenges and rewards), that my own little family has done a full relocation of living and work, life as a newlywed (and what that even means?!), or that my Crohn's is still a pain in the arse and it bothers me.

I want to post about each of the main topics over the next week or so, as I'm currently signed off work (there's a wee insight into how my Crohn's is doing! *collective sigh*) But having blogged on and off for the last four years, I know when things have been on the tougher side, writing has really helped. Equally when things are on the lovely side, it's really enjoyable to write and share those moments, too.

And what better way to start again, than in two days time when it's our first born's FIRST BIRTHDAY. He's been here a year already. Out of the womb and our bab for a whole 12 months. I still don't feel like I was pregnant long enough to have grown him, let alone see him doing proper human things on his own like an independent chap. But he's here. And he's going to be one this weekend.

For he's a jolly good fellow...

Side note: having had a full life change of geographical location, working situation, my marital status and introduction to parenthood - I'm now trying to work out what Hattie, etc. actually means. So I'll get back to you on that once I've worked out what direction this here blog is going in.

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Penultimate Week

And everything is slowly winding down/building up (depending on how you look at it) to the day our baby arrives.

Week 37's #bumpingalong was an odd one as I realised it was the penultimate photo in the little series I started out of curiosity way back at Week 14. This week's outfit was a monochromatic affair in maternity leggings from ASOS with non-maternity jumper from New Look in a size 12 and the required winter accessories for these dark evenings.

Jazzy hat in London town

Also had my final night out out as a preg for a 30th birthday; wore a non-maternity dress from Topshop in a size 10 but it's ever so stretchy and kind. Although when getting ready had the whole meltdown of NOTHING FITS ME ANYMORE. WHEN IS THIS BABY GOING TO BE OUT OF ME. I CAN'T SEE MY FEET. HOLD ME. CAN YOU DO UP MY SHOE. But I had a lovely time and it was ever so bizarre being asked about how far gone I was only to reply with "oh, we'll have our baby in two weeks". So surreal - especially now we're a handful of days away. Where is the time going?!

Multiple me to hide the kitchen

I think I'm going to compile all the #bumpingalong photos together to see how my body has changed during this pregnancy; the nearer we get to meeting the small human, the more I've realised how much I'm going to miss my bump when it's gone. Like I've said before, I feel considerably lucky to have enjoyed my pregnancy as much as I have, as it is honestly one of the best experiences of my life. To essentially put my Crohn's into remission alone is something I never thought would happen - but to have gone on and been able to make the most of all that pregnancy brings has just been magical (heartburn aside). Makes me all sorts of emotional thinking about it (NB: pregnancy, not heartburn).

Talking of being totes emosh, I have given up with how wild my hormones have become in this last week. I will be the first to say I've been a nightmare. Not because I've been hard work and mean - but because I have been doing the type of crying when you get saggy shoulders and you just sit there like a sad sack, sobbing on the edge of the bed. But no, don't worry, I don't need anything. Just having a good cry *cue a concerned other half whilst the mascara drips down my face and onto the top of my bump leaving a dramatic watery black line*

And talking about my bump...

This is my bump at 37+4 and I look like a dinosaur egg. I'm still not very wide which is why I have moments when I think how have I got a 50cm and 3kg person in here?! But when I see myself at this angle I can definitely see where my baby is. Weighed myself this morning and I've put on a total of 18kg on since the end of February and it amazes me that just under a third of that will most likely be lost in a day. It must be the weirdest feeling walking around afterwards - the weight gain is so slow to then suddenly oh so much lighter. Floating almost.

Nesting is all but complete - with a variety of meals batch cooked and in the freezer for when we lose the ability to function and feed ourselves. If you want to know cooking things, I have listed these with the recipe inspirations on another post which you can get to here.

The last thing I want to do re nesting before the miniature one comes is another whizz around the house with the duster and the hoover in hand. And buy an outside bin. Otherwise I am more than content with my maternal preparations - with regards to the house anyway. Will post during the week about my emotional maternal prep for the impending events, as that's a whole other ball game.

And now to enjoy what is left of our last weekend as a two before we're a family of three...

Absolutely fine with having a child this coming week

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Batch Cooking

I have had a fair few people tell me that batch cooking is an absolute life saver once baby is here as it seems that you essentially forget how to function - whether that be due to the lack of sleep, working out how to be with a brand new person and routine, or just to make life a little bit easier. Either way, get cooking and freezing, pal.

So that's what I've done!

Have only made three meals this week, might squeeze in one more before bab comes. But below are the recipes I used as inspiration in case you want to make any of them. I like to go off on a tangent every now and then, but also because I don't like anchovies, so just no. They are not included in anything. Tailor the below to your own tastebuds and I'm sure you'll have a lovely time.

Pea & Mint Soup
This recipe is from BBC Good Food and was so surprisingly easy I think I'll make a couple more soups. But yes, not much more to say as, well...it's a soup.

Chilli Con Carne
Enjoy cooking recipes from Jamie Oliver as he's so slap dash and when I first started cooking his approach was the best for me. This is super tasty though and a good one for those meals when you need to use up what's in your cupboard. Thrifty.

Shepherd's Pie
Got to have a Winter Warmer in there, haven't you? This one is from BBC Food and I most definitely did not include the optional anchovy - I'm not a fool. Freezer tip for this one being to freeze the mash and the mince filling separately. Then when it comes to eating, once defrosted just build the pie as you would if cooking fresh and then whack in the oven.

When all meals were cooked I split them into indiviudual portions in freezer bags; dated and labelled, of course. As if you won't know what 'mashed potato' is without the label (what type of nester have I become?!)

But hopefully my crazy nesting has made it all that little bit easier as we adjust to life with our tiny new person to look after...

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Baby Show-time

The other half was off work this last week and we were all sorts of busy with the final preparations for our small human; due to arrive in 16 days. I'm sorry - 16 days?! Time is not real life any more it seems...

Having been quiet on the blogging front it means there are a couple of #bumpingalongs to catch up on too.

Week 34 was at The Baby Show and I am a true ball-up-jumper vision. Standard maternity jeans from Topshop with a non-maternity Size L jumper from H&M.

At The Baby Show the man and I picked out our last (!) few - albeit key - items. We have opted for the iCandy Peach for the bab's travel system, collected our MaxiCosi Pebble Plus as well as a Nuna Leaf for their seat, plus a Baby Bjorn carrier. And some other bargain bits, because, Baby Show. Will let you know how they all work out once they're up and running as functional items with a real baby in them (still having moments of OH MY GOD WE'RE HAVING A BABY VERY SOON NOW)

Week 35 was also on location after our final hospital appointment with the midwife. Birth plan is finalised now, although we are aware that there is every possibility of it changing once labour and birth begins. Hopefully if everything goes as planned, there are some aspects to our bab's birth that are as 'normal' as can be in an elective c-section. But here I am wearing a variety of khaki items; maternity Topshop jeans, Size L t-shirt from H&M and my winter coat in a Size 8 from Topshop, also non-maternity. 'Baby on Board' badge and Big Ben an additional bonus.

And now to week 36 after an Autumnal walk and day date to the local brewery - keg in hand. Lemonade for me, of course. This outfit that I cobbled together is made up of my maternity jeans (sense the pattern of no other trousers fitting me anymore), a maternity shirt from Topshop with my non-maternity camo jacket and winter accessories. Comfort for the win still.

As it stands I am officially past 9 months pregnant now and as much as I am wanting baby to stay in until their 'due' date, I am beginning to understand the cliché phrases you see on the internet. This includes everything with regards to nesting - which FYI, I am still absolutely bossing - but also the memes of feeling like the last trimester of pregnancy lasts approximately 5426 days.

But hey. What's another 16 days until we're only counting down the hours?!

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Strong Nesting

I was born to nest. I am in my absolute element and what's even better is that now I'm on maternity leave I can nest away to my heart's content... antibacterial spray in hand, off I pop from room to room. I saw an image on the internet the other day which said: 

"Nesting is spending two hours cleaning out the junk in the drawer, because there is nothing babies dislike more than a misplaced Phillips head screw."

Internet banter there. But it sums it up perfectly. And I have actually become that mama to be!

I've had more trips to the local dump in the last few weeks than I think I have in the whole time we've lived here. I've put paperwork in date order, in folders with dividers and anything that can be, has been alphabetically ordered. I've also become one with both Ikea and Amazon Prime; there is no space left in our house that hasn't been put on the nesting to-do list.

Feeding area coming together nicely

Although my time off has been joyous thus far (I mean come on, it's been like four days), I still find the concept of being off work for up to a year most odd. Probably because it feels like I'm just on annual leave and I don't have my baby in my arms yet. I know once the miniature one arrives work will be the last thing on my mind, as I will be otherwise engaged as a mama. Strange that isn't it?! Once the human is out of me I will forever be someone's mother. Still Harriet. But always someone's mum.

A surprise baby shower, a hand-crafted leaving card, a book that's tracked my #bumpingalong. So many wonderful bits to see me off into motherhood...Will certainly miss my colleagues. But yes. I had a lovely send off from my work pals!

Baby shots and a face that I'm not too sure about

Miranda approves of my leaving card

With regards to being prepared for bab, we're pretty much there now. We're off to The Baby Show this weekend so hoping to get some bargains for the final few purchases. The main bits left to get are the pram and car seat - or as they're known these days, travel systems - our baby monitor and a carrier/sling. Any recommendations for the latter two items would be welcomed greatly! I've heard the Motorola video monitors are good? But open to options. Also heard that the Solly Baby wraps are amazing, although I can only see them online in the States - so a UK equivalent would be ace to know.

But anyway, I've got the inside of a cupboard to bleach.

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Planning a Planned Arrival

Can't quite believe we're so close now! We had our 34 week appointment today with the c-section doctors, which naturally got me thinking about how you plan for a planned arrival...

I'm very much in the stage of pregnancy where I am completely freaking out, my dreams are stupidly vivid, I can't sleep for baby movement and all I can do is worry about what lies ahead. Will I be a good mum? Will baby be ok? What actually happens in a caesarean? I've read a lot recently that confirms that all of the above is normal and of course it's good to share my thoughts because it's not unusual to worry. It's a huge thing, after all! We've made a human being. I'm just going to have to wait and see, as I can't get myself all worked up over the unknown (a mantra I lived by with my Crohn's).

But my appointment today made me a tad nervous; it's the same as with my Crohn's ops in that you essentially consent to everything and wait and see what we find when they open you up.

We had confirmation today that due to previous abdo operations, my Gastro team will be in the theatre with the c-section team, myself and my other half. Hopefully when they make the incision, my bowel and scar tissue haven't caused too much of a problem in which case the Gastro team can bid farewell and then we can get baby out in a routine way. If however it obstructs what needs doing to access baby, they'll do their bit and then let the obstetricians take over. A little revolving door of surgeons around my nethers, if you will.

Like with any surgery there are risks; although there's been talk of a stoma and colostomy beforehand when I had my resection back in 2013, I didn't realise that it could be something that pops up in regards to when I deliver my baby. I guess in my mind I kept my bum issues separate from my front bum bits. There are of course risks associated with a routine c-section too, with everything from wound infection and bleeding to a hysterectomy. So yes, I'm a little worried. But as I used to say with my Crohn's ops, I was just another bottom to them - and this is just another caesarean. We have planned as much as we can and all we can do is hope that everything runs smoothly! In 30 days time.

Now I'm officially on maternity leave (post following shortly) I am just going to put all my energy into nesting and try not to let my worries get the better of me. And I'm also going to avoid reading some of the shite on the internet about how a c-section is the "easy way out" and that I'm "not giving birth" as I've had my baby "surgically removed".

I'll have to get back to you on that.

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Pregnancy Lent

Kind of. We're now less than 40 days and 40 nights and there will probably be a lot of pancakes consumed by yours truly.

Officially (as I type) we have 37 days to go until our c-section date and the list of things to do/buy before the human arrives is getting that bit smaller; which means it's getting that bit more real still. I said at the start of blogging about my pregnancy that although it's Biology 101 for how a baby is made and grows, it is still one of the most fascinating things I have ever experienced in my life. I still consider myself extremely lucky to have had a relatively 'normal' pregnancy with regards to my Crohn's calming down - and if it comes back once bab is out, then I will cross that bridge when I get there. But at least I've been able to feel like I have carried this baby with little to no complications thus far. Just can't let my arse fall out at the final hurdle, to quote my gastro surgeon.

Talking of bottoms...seamless link...

I think more needs to be said about HOW CONSTIPATED YOU GET IN THE THIRD TRIMESTER. Let alone how you feel like Windy Miller with the air just falling out of you, top and bottom. I'm a disgrace. Thank god I've been with my other half for 9 years, because the romance has well and truly died recently! I'm not used to having bowel movements like a bus service on a Sunday in a village. My bowels pre-preg were a 10-15 times a day situation. I don't know how to deal with this once a day malarkey!? How do you people do it? I feel like it's just not enough. But hey, if bab slows down my digestive system to a snail's pace, then that is the less frequent shitting hand I've been dealt. It frees up so much time! Although saying that, the toilet dashes have been replaced by toilet dashes...just for a number one instead. But still so much quicker! Even if you need to do all the weeing, what with the baby pushing down on the organs. And sneezing still makes me nervous, mind - ruddy pelvic floors *squeezes muscles*

Did a version of a #bumpingalong for my 33 weeks (got to get the lift pics in whilst I can) and I'm kitted out in head to toe maternity Topshop. Even gave a nursing bra a run out and I felt so free. Big ol' wobbly mama-to-be boobies. And despite my breasts being the largest they've ever been in my life, my baby bump is so much further out - hence my human pyramid effect.

So yep, this week and it's my last week of work; all finished on Thursday. I will do a final work-based #bumpingalong and a post about maternity leave, as I'm already finding the concept quite odd. It's a real mix of emotions.

But for now, I think I've done a good bit of oversharing...

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Pack 'Em Up

31 weeks and all antenatal classes complete! Labour, c-sections, recovery, breastfeeding, bathing, generally looking after a small human...we are informed.

Informed, yes. Totally ready? Not quite. But sure.

The antenatal classes have been really helpful though in taking all the bits we've read over the last 8 months and preparing us to put it all into practice.

And so onto this week, which is the week of the 'hospital bag'. Packing the hospital bags though make everything seem that bit more real. Throughout my pregnancy there have been moments when it's like OH. WE ARE ACTUALLY HAVING A BABY, but then you just carry on being pregnant and stuff. Like when we decided nursery colours, when we built the furniture, when the nursery was complete. When browsing online for buggies and car seats and slings and learning what a travel system is. Let alone hitting the physical preg milestones that take you aback as there's a real life human growing inside.

Looking online it seems that you need to take everything you've ever owned with you to the hospital. There are a few bits that are irrelevant as we're having a caesarean, but generally there is a fair bit of packing to do! It also advises that it's split so that mama has a bag, and then a bag for dad and baby in case I'm whisked away somewhere.

Pinterest browsing (again) for all the bits and bobs

The baby's movements have gone from me feeling ripples to acknowledging that yes, that is definitely a foot, or a tiny back and little bottom. Blows my mind! After all, it's under 50 days to go now.

The parents-to-be (and a celebratory ale)

Had my penultimate midwife appointment yesterday and it's always a relief hearing baby's heart beating away nice and strong - and it got me thinking about how far into pregnancy we are and how I still have no clue as to whether I'm carrying a girl or boy. Will I ever get a sense of what my baby is? Am I out of touch to have no idea? All other preg women I've spoken to have had an inkling of what they're carrying; which has either been proved correct when they've given birth, or they've found out at their 20wk scan and they're bang on. The hormones in pregnancy are a funny thing because you have these irrational moments where you let your mind wander and then suddenly you're just a big ol' pregnant weepy lump, sitting on your sofa talking away to your small human saying sorry you don't know what they are.

Well at least I know I'm definitely carrying a baby. Despite my dream the other night about giving birth to a kitten.

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Thirties

We are 30 weeks pregnant. THIRTY. That only leaves 8 weeks until we're booked in. Whatever happens in the coming weeks we will definitely have a baby in 59 days.

Had a bit of a tricky weekend and subsequent morning today, mind. Heartburn still causing me grief - so much so I vomited on myself in the shower from burping. Nice. My Braxton Hicks are certainly getting stronger and making it much harder to stand up straight when they're present. All part and parcel of entering the 8 months preg club I guess!

However what I wasn't expecting this early was to lose a little bit of my plug.

There's no way to discuss it without being gross, so if preg detailed talk is too much, scroll down to the safe zone my friend...

Naturally, reading up on your mucus plug isn't the most pleasant of topics but something that needed to be done when you see what can only be described as a blob of clearish snot where it shouldn't be. A quick phone call with my midwives confirmed that as there was no pink in colour or blood, labour isn't imminent (can be anything from a few hours or few weeks if the full plug, or 'show', has happened). But that it does sound like some has come out and to keep an eye on things down there, rest up, etc.

Now I'm contending with pressure in my nethers, knowing baby is head down and that I'm without some of my plug. Please don't try and leave just yet oh miniature one! I haven't even packed your hospital bag!

*SAFE ZONE*

Needless to say there will be a delayed #bumpingalong picture as I am not wearing anything that's publicly acceptable; pants, t-shirt. A for-my-eyes-only vibe. I did manage to shave my legs all on my own though - except now they look like sausage meat.

So quick catch up on our first antenatal class last week for you: it was all about Intervention & Caesareans, the latter being the main bit for us. Hearing about being induced and seeing some of the tools used made my tummy go all funny. Yet strangely, talking frankly about the proceedings in a c-section didn't really phase me. I guess it's because I've had 14 ops with my Crohn's so a surgical set up is almost more favourable for me than a natural one!? Surgical is my natural set up.

Tonight's class is all about boobies. Well, officially Feeding Baby. But breastfeeding and bottle feeding, I believe. I've tried to get a bit of a head start and started reading 'Breastfeeding Made Easy' by Geraldine Miskin as I'd love to be able to breastfeed my human that I'm growing. I am aware however that it's not something all mums are able to do, whether by choice or otherwise, so I don't want to put pressure on myself if it turns out that my boobies can't do the feeding.

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Professional Nester

Does nesting apply to all aspects of my life? As in nursery and homeware - but also my blog? If so, I'm ready to be a professional nester please.

I've been looking for a clean-looking blog template for what seems like years and now I've found one and have worked all evening on it (so sociable). Hattie, etc. finally got a ruddy good refresh and cleanse I wanted it to have. I also felt like the mint and peach colours of my blog before were merging into the nursery colour scheme; so now we have a sleek mono look instead, to match the grown up that I need to be when bab gets here.

The new layout also gives me an opportunity to show off photos more so; not just of myself in the #bumpingalong posts - because nobody needs to see my face stretched out across their screen, even when looking at the clothes - but for when I get stuck into wedding bits and bobs and of course once the miniature human is here. I'm a visual kinda person. Be visual with me.

This one has a mobile optimised look which pleases me so much! Quite the niggling pet hate putting in hard work to make the desktop version look all jazzy, only to view it on your phone and see a different thing altogether. A first world problem, sure, but annoying all the same.

I guess it's worth doing the life admin bits and bobs now because as my Nana pointed out to me today: "make the most of any free time you have, because you won't have any when baby gets here"...Wah. TEN WEEKS LEFT. SIX LEFT OF WORK. Although that seems close, when I say to myself that it's not until November it suddenly seems far away again. And then I see people on my Facebook counting down to Christmas and it's like jeewhizz I'll have a 5 week old baby by then!

I mentioned in my post yesterday that the third trimester is really starting to take it out of me. As you can see here in this sneaky picture by the other half from the other day...

Not my best look: spooning my cat with preg belly in all its glory

As it stands, I am experiencing what can only lightly be described as pressure on my nethers, whilst dealing with an extremely strong and active baby for my relatively small frame.

I spoke to my midwife and she said that the likelihood is is that baby is already head down and is leaning on a nerve, this is why it gets all kind of throbbing especially when I've had a wee. And before you ask (not that you would) 'tis not a water infection or any other vaginal situation. Overshare?! Perhaps. Anywho...some women give birth in that position, I guess using gravity as a helping hand? Fact of the matter is, is I am not ready for the small human to make an early appearance so if they could wiggle their way back up off the cervix area that would be ace.

Midwife tomorrow for the rhesus negative blood shenanigans and whilst I'm there I will of course discuss my need for opting to be horizontal for comfort. Just keeping everything crossed that baby isn't early as I would like to at least get into the 30 something weeks. But almost everything I've read in the forums have been posts by mums-to-be who are casually at 34/35 weeks and awaiting full engagement. I'm nowhere near fully baked yet.

Stay in there oh small one!

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Baby Showering

I was treated by all my nearest and dearest gals to a bloody lovely Baby Shower this weekend. Such a wonderful day. And of course as soon as I walked in and sat down I had a cry because, hormones. But in the loveliest way, naturally.

Few snapshots of vintage tea party fun:

We're also (somehow) at 28 weeks today and I seem to have embodied all of the stereotypical third trimester feelings in the last week: taking forever to roll over and get comfortable, only to realise I was more comfortable where I was. My desire to wear trousers is ever decreasing. Not being able to get up without moaning. And of course the approach of can't reach it, don't need it. 

Which brings me nicely to my #bumpingalong for today. Disclaimer in that I'm very tired and generally moving is annoying me. I also have a baby who is full of the hiccups. So today you've got me in what is considered perhaps an impractical/unprofessional, yet comfortable fleeting moment at my desk.

NB: This is not how I sit all day. Oh but if only I could.

Clothes are all non-maternity as fortunately I bought clothes many moons ago that were apparently built for a pregnant woman's figure anyway! So loose jumpsuit/pinafore item (?!) is from asos and is a size 12, paired with a size L H&M jersey stretchy top. Choker and red lippy optional - I just felt a bit French when getting ready this morning. I also need a hair wash, but you can't have it all.

With regards to the miniature human's nursery we're pretty much there now! We've got a few major items still to get, like the pram and car seat, but we're more than happy to wait a while to get those. The nursery has taken shape in the way that we hoped it would and now all that's really missing is our little person. Everything they need is just SO small. My heart explodes every time I go in the room because it makes me realise how real everything is now and how everything is going to change. But again, in the loveliest - albeit challenging - of ways.

Almost there!

From a building point of view things have slowed down now, but from an admin and midwife point of view it seems to only be just beginning! I have the midwife twice this week as I am O negative blood type which means I am part of 15% of women that are rhesus negative. Because of this it means I have to have an Anti-D injection at 28 weeks and maybe again at the birth if the blood of myself and baby were to cross. It's not so much a worry with this pregnancy, it may just mean that some extra care is needed to avoid any problems if I was to get pregnant again.

Essentially, if my baby is rhesus positive and their blood gets into my bloodstream, my immune system can develop antibodies against the rhesus antigens. If I was to be pregnant with another rhesus positive baby next time round, my antibodies can attack that baby's red blood cells which could potentially result in haemolytic disease of the newborn. This leads to anaemia and jaundice in the baby. [More info] So injection visit is the plan for this week!

Now all I really want to do is have a bath and a lie down whilst this active baby carries on dancing.

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Final Chapter?

There seems to be much confusion among pregnancy apps, books and online with regards to when the third trimester officially begins - with it ranging from 26-29 weeks. Generally speaking though, it seems week 27 is the start of the last pregnancy chapter.

So that's it. Third and final trimester has begun. I am 27+1 now. Here is a list of things that I need to sort out before the small one comes:

• Complete nursery prep
• Go on maternity leave
• Hospital bag
• Get leaky titties
• Not be able to bend forward/shave legs, etc.
• Nest
• Eat everything
• Find clothes that fit me when in the grips of hibernation
• Have a baby
• Cry because everything is overwhelming

Obviously the above list is not necessarily reflective of the next 11 weeks and also activities will not necessarily be completed in that order. But knowing that we're in the third trimester brings an element of fear in that we're officially on countdown now. Like it's happening. Shit needs to get done because we are having a baby.

Didn't do my #bumpingalong photo yesterday as quite frankly, it was Bank Holiday Monday and we were building the nursery wardrobe which (finally) arrived. So you lucky ones get to look at my clothes from today; grey t-shirt from New Look in a size 12. 'Tis actually a peplum cut so although non-maternity, allows fanning of the bump. Dress is from asos in a size 10 and again, non-maternity but was one of the first items I bought when I knew I was preg but was in the secret part of pregnancy. No one can question a growing bump when it's invisible in a boyfriend fit dress! Although the boyfriend fit is looking pretty tight nowadays...

But the most exciting thing that happened yesterday is that I FINALLY got to capture the wriggler on camera! So amazing. So alien. Just utterly incredible and I love the little one (video down the right hand side on the desktop view of la blog)

I also still find it incredibly odd that I have no idea what I'm carrying - other than that they're a baby. There I am, chatting away to this genderless person I've made with no idea if they're a little boy or a little girl. It doesn't matter to me either way, I just find it a funny situation. Should I have strong feelings about what sex they are? Or are there mums out there who also had no clue what they were carrying?

Boy or girl, our little tinker's bump adventure continues...Here's to the third trimester, guys.

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Nearly There

26 weeks today. Last week of my second trimester.

I feel like I write it every time I do a #bumpingalong but I genuinely don't know where the time is going... To think this time next week I'll be entering my third and final trimester of this pregnancy is just nuts to me. Especially when I think of all the things that still have to happen! And with that I mean my baby's growing but also practical bits and bobs.

As I mentioned in my last post, this weekend was all things nursery DIY and we had a very successful trip to IKEA as well. No arguing. No miniature pencils at dawn. Win-win if you ask me! It did make me laugh though, as I waddled through the layout (which you definitely must follow, otherwise chaos I tell ye. Like a salmon upstream), but seeing how many other preg couples were doing the same kind of thing as us; half knowing that they need to kit the nursery out but what exactly to buy? No one really knows. It's IKEA. People are there for the meatballs and strange items, no?

We got the main bits we were after though - namely a bookcase. But as always, went slightly rogue with the big yellow bag come basket. Who doesn't need multiple indoor faux greenery?! They look just great. And always worth a candle top-up when you're there, too.

Strong nursery haul

Some questionable items in the kids section however...case and point.

WHAT IS THIS AND WHY?!

With regards to the nursery now, we're nearly there. The changing unit arrived on Saturday afternoon as we sat among boxes, alan keys and 95 toolbits that didn't seem to match up to the furniture we bought. But yes, lots of building was done and now what was our spare room very much has a function as a nursery. Still waiting on the wardrobe, mind. That's lost in transition somewhere which isn't helpful but I guess it's one of those things. Everything else went so smoothly, there had to be one item that went off the beaten track.

Not knowing the gender of our baby has proved tricky for accessorising as it's so easy to get carried away with typically 'boy' items and vice versa. I swear the percentage of gender neutral items in shops is like 0.01% whether that's clothing or storage boxes, even changing mats!? To be honest I don't think we'll suddenly go all out blue or pink once we know what our baby is - we've got a strong colour family we're using anyway; mint, peach, grey and white. So for instance, we got a lovely blue London print but we will offset again some peachy/coral patterns on our frame wall.

Enough waffling about interiors. I started this post with reference to #bumpingalong so here is my 26th week look.

Blue baby tube

None of it is maternity, I've just worn them in a way that lets my bump be an unrestricted bump. Top is a size 12 from Primark (£5 in the sale, bargain) and the dress is a throwback H&M number in a large from when I was all sorts of steroid large myself. And as you can see my bump is very much out now. Belly button still clinging on at the bottom but I feel much more pregnant.

I believe I experienced the first few Braxton Hicks this weekend too, which took me by surprise. Everything is becoming more real; nursery building, baby moving. Even handed in my Mat Leave form to HR at work.

Only 12 weeks until baby. Oh my.

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Busy Bump

Considering it's only Tuesday I feel like this has been an incredibly busy week already! I think it must be because we're going on holiday on THURSDAY. Don't suppose I mentioned it at all?! BabyMoon time with bump and the other half?! I am sooooo excited. To relax and do nothing and that's fine because it's what you do on Summer holidays. My pale green skin is ready for some Vitamin D fo sho.

#bumpingalong this week at Week 23 (when did we suddenly get here?!) and as I said on the Instagram post, my look was very much suited to if I lived in a lamp; a metallic pyjama come genie medley. But it was comfortable so...T-shirt was a size 12 from River Island and the golden pantaloons are a size 14 from Topshop. Both non-maternity.

The disproportionate pinhead looking thing I've become

Saw the Crohn's antenatal team yesterday and we got to hear our bab's heartbeat, thumping away! Despite the odd kick at the doppler - it seems I'm carrying quite the hyperactive little tinker! But at least we know that all things check out as they should be for this stage in the pregnancy.

Keeping myself amused

They were also super pleased with how stable my Crohn's has been, so much so that they're happy for me to get in touch with them if anything flares up - but in the meantime they'll pass me back to the normal midwives from now on. Good news team!!

Also had my whooping cough injection this morning; entering the time frame now where each week in pregnancy pretty much equals some kind of injection or appointment. So got that today, then midwives again next week. Few more weeks and then it's the one for having a negative blood type. It's all go I tell you!

Took some time out over the weekend to start decorating our nursery... It's all so lovely it makes me want to do a happy tear - and we've only painted a ceiling white! We picked up the crib for our bedroom too, making it suddenly seem very very real. In around 15 weeks or so, the little wooden crib is going to have an even smaller human in there. That's ours. That we made. (The baby, not the crib. The crib was collected readily built)

DIY is code for dungarees

In case you didn't know, new little humans need a shit load of stuff for when they get here. We decided the best way to plan for this was to take a trip to our local pub and start on Babmin (Baby Admin). Eating a roast whilst discussing what adapter for the travel system we really needed, and swigging an OJ whilst working out how soon we need to invest in a breast pump. Glorious.

Local pubs: Making chores nicer since I said so

With regards to our upcoming BabyMoon though - I'm contemplating doing a lookbook for it? I'll be packing this evening and I think it would be a cool thing to do, to keep track of how I dress my bump whilst menopausally sweating in the Spanish heat. I sense a sartorial challenge ahead.

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Half Time

So although Monday was my 19 weeks, it was officially my halfway point as I'm booked in for my c-section at 38 weeks. Where has the time gone?!

Also had the hospital on Monday to see the Crohn's midwife team - I explained to them that I'd been feeling a tad under the weather the previous week but wasn't able to tell them if it was Crohn's, pregnancy, or a combination of the two. Got my bloods done to check all my levels for general pregnancy but also IBD and they said they would be in touch if something came back off kilter.

Then there I am yesterday at my work Summer Festival with a missed call from the hospital. WAH. Luckily they called back; I was dreading it a bit as they said they'd only call if the results weren't fine...Turns out it wasn't my Crohn's flaring which was a massive relief - my inflammatory markers were hardly noteworthy. It's my iron.

I've always been borderline anaemic for as long as I can remember, but on the right side of normal, still. It seems that now my iron levels have dropped quite a lot since being preggers and my hemoglobin levels are rather abnormal. Still no giving blood for me then! Oopsy daisy. I'm putting this decrease in iron down to essentially being a vegetarian because meat is still making me feel poorly. Looks like I'll have to go on prescription iron for a while to make sure that I'm not a temporary narcoleptic whilst growing the bab and to also make sure I eat more spinach like Popeye for an extra boost. Just not looking forward to the side effects of the iron tablets (oh my Crohnie bowels).

But enough about that! Onto the nice things! Here's me #bumpingalong for week 19 in a maternity purchase from asos in a size 10, plus my new 'mum' barnet. Look at my bump...it's getting so big carrying my mango-sized baby. Ahh.

This baby is so active though! I find it all so amazing and surprising as I am only 19 weeks - I feel lucky to be experiencing such movement already.

We were starting the foundations of nesting for after our scan next week and there was one moment this weekend where our baby was going nuts! I didn't even have to get baby daddy's attention as it was so noticeable through my clothes. Our baby is definitely in a routine now, so I'm aware of when to keep an eye out for the dancing and can move my Kicks Count band around another number.

Am hoping to capture the moving on video and if I do I will share on here. It's magical/like something out of 'Alien'.

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Nursery Nesting

I went to Mothercare on the weekend and took myself by surprise with how I reacted when I walked in; I had a little lump in my throat. I AM SO EMOTIONAL.

It was probably due to being completely overwhelmed that I was actually (window) shopping for the baby in my tummy. The miniature human who will definitely be here in just over 19 weeks. And also because all of the clothes were so bloody small you couldn't help but squeal a bit as you walked by them.

You may think that all sounds ridiculous, but you have to bear in mind that I'm the type of gal who will buy a small deodorant in the queue at Boots, purely based on the fact it's a small version of the bigger cans. You can imagine how much I love travel products. Everything so little. Same seems to apply to baby clothes.

It was a worthwhile trip though as so far we've only really generically looked at nursery furniture online and haven't even started to look at specific brands for the travel systems, et al. There's so much to it all!

I think for the time being (as official nesting can begin end of July, post-scan) we're going to make a list of all things advised to have when having a child; taken from forums, parenting magazines, online advice. Then we can whittle it down to the following...

• What's essential and we couldn't possibly do without
• What isn't necessarily must-have, but would essentially fall under a life hack if you've got it
• What would be lovely to have if we had the space/money (one can dream)
• What we really don't need

I am so excited to start the proper foundations of creating our child's room. Colour swatches, cribs and cots, soft furnishings, playmats and bouncing chairs. Many elements to think of and so I'm making the most of my organisational head before my Baby Brain becomes 99% of me. 

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Onto my 18 weeks #bumpingalong and there are two photos this week: one I have already shared on my Instagram on Friday because the dress was new and I just wanted to show it off to the world. It was that kind of Friday feeling, in a dress. I just felt nice.

It's from asos maternity, size 10, but it's got a good amount of room to stretch into. It's a tricky business, buying maternity online. I'm going under the assumption that they might be a tad loose(ish) around the middle now but I'm sure it's only a matter of time until that is filled with baby bump!

My actual #bumpingalong photo from today and it's on location.

Wearing a non-maternity Boohoo dress in a size 10 - it's sort of like a smock which is why I can get away with it, bump included. And, well, clogs. I'm open to the variety of shoe styles!

I did a full wardrobe clear out over the weekend and broke my clothes down into three categories: have I worn it in the last year, will I want to wear it after baby, can I wear it as I grow? There was lots of trying on and moments where I felt more like Gus in Cinderella when his t-shirt pops back over his belly, but I think I got there in the end. A full spring cleanse and it felt good! I've allowed myself room to invest in a few more essential maternity items, kept clothes that are special to me but also got rid of things that I've been saying for too long that "I'll wear that again soon"...

It seems having a baby gets you all kind of pro-active and organised.

Only a few more weeks until the real nesting fun begins!

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What's in a Name?

I honestly didn't think choosing a name for the child that I'm carrying would be so bloody hard. Naive, perhaps. But it's really quite the task! Don't underestimate the responsibility in naming another human forever. Pets are hard enough.

Through what must be hundreds of names that the fiancé and I have looked at, girls names seem so much easier to pick. They just seem to have more variety? Whereas the boys name seem quite samey (sorry chaps!) Maybe that's just what it appears to me - but the general consensus from other parents I've spoken with, is that they also found girls names easier to choose.

Are there any hints and tips for choosing a name? As we don't want to find out what we're having, it obviously means we need to have names for both a little boy and a little girl. If there's a little girl growing in me then we're sorted! If it's a boy, then it is currently nameless...But then again maybe it will mean we do actually find out at our 20 week scan in two weeks - because then we know what sort of name we have to choose.

Is there a criteria to follow to help you decide what you name your child? Or is it an epiphany and suddenly you have that moment of 'I hereby name my offspring ...'? If I'm to go by some of the names that have popped up in my (very) vivid dreams, then there's currently a little boy in my womb and I've called him Hector.

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