Woah to 2

WE ARE HAVING ANOTHER BABY *klaxon*

We're going to be a family of 4. Two children. A second spud due for arrival in September. Woah.

I still find it quite mind blowing that my husband and I coped (?!) with the secrecy of those early pregnancy days, whilst our first born was having the worst health experiences of his little life so far. Such a dramatic overlap.

The six weeks of knowing there's a new human growing, but weren't yet scanned and in the 'safe zone', all the while being tested in ways that you hope to never be tested as a parent... I found that really tough. My emotions went through the ringer; wanting to do everything for my son yet trying to stay calm for the unborn. I wanted to shout from the rooftops that we were expecting another child, so please bear with me if I seem wildly overemotional. And yes I would like some gas and air in the ambulance, thank you please. However, we had to make sure our son was all right and another few weeks of sshing about the bab wouldn't hurt. Now we've been scanned. We've seen the tiny spud. My rooftop shouting can really take off.

We actually found out we were expecting the day before our son's first seizure episode. Talk about highs and lows in a condensed space of time! But due to terrible period maths on my part, I had no idea how pregnant I was. I did guessing based on whether I took multiple tampons to my Christmas do - even with that, I wasn't sure if that meant I was nearly finished or had just come on? So in short. No. I don't know when my last period was. I just knew that the four different tests all suggested that there wasn't going to be another period anytime soon. All sticks pointed to POSITIVE.

It was all very surreal because that technically meant that we were going to be parents of two. Jesus. The toddler terrible twos are very much a thing we're in the middle of - so what happens when you have a toddler and a newborn?! I once heard the phrase that when it comes to multiple children, two is a zoo. And there we were... positively pregnant with a second. Zoo, here we come.

Did the relevant admin with the midwife and got booked in for our dating scan. We were so close to being able to tell people (as long as all was well) and I could sense the anticipation of no longer having to dress in a sack and walk like Quasi Modo to hide the bump. Yet as I mentioned with my bad period maths, our scan meant we were actually only 10 weeks pregnant. So not able to officially announce the second bab - and equally not pregnant enough to have the first set of screenings, either. This also meant another due date after measuring the little thing. Back in two and a bit weeks to do the proper dating scan then!

The longest two weeks of all time, yet there we sat, looking at the new bean on the screen. I cried. I've felt so emotional this whole pregnancy - not sure if it's because of the timings/circumstances around when we found out? Or that my awareness has heightened with regards to pregnancy not going the way it's supposed to. It's most likely a combination of all, but at least I had the take home from that appointment that our new bean was doing well. Everything looked as it should. We also had another due date now they could actually measure crown to rump...it's a late September baby! (Minus a week or so due to elective c-section so my arse doesn't fall out in pushing, thank you Crohn's). So yes, now we can tell friends and family the good news. I can be preg and proud.

I'm so pleased that I took the time to blog every week when pregnant beforehand - and despite my slack writing since then - I have decided to do it again with this bab. I'm currently 15+6, my turn of the weeks being on a Wednesday. I want to document all the iddy biddy feelings and share how different (or not) they are from the first time round. And I'm going to try and be a trendy mum-to-be with an outfit post each week too. Because my word, this bab has popped right out. Muscle memory, or whatever it is... I don't know how I'm going to dress this speedy bump. Unitards? Tents? I'll be sure to share the weekly outcomes regardless.

X

Headspace

If you follow me on social media, you would have seen that this week has been quite a challenging one for me - especially with regards to my Crohn’s and how I’m maybe not handling it in the best way this time. It’s an emotionally draining disease: the rollercoaster of feelings you can have in such a short space of time is quite overwhelming and this particular flare up seems different. I don’t know why, it just does. In all likelihood it could be down to the fact that I currently have no ‘normality’ yet; I’m still in a settling in period. My mundane routines are shot to hell what with the relocation from London, being a newlywed, going back to work after Maternity Leave and the mum-guilt associated with that. My support network is still there, oh for sure. But my personal go-to coping mechanisms aren’t necessarily.

I guess I just don’t feel like I have that guarantee this time, where my mind doesn’t need to flap so much (I have zero reason to think things won’t be ok and I am more than aware at the irrationality *eye rolls at self*) But for instance, these are the things I worry about…how I haven’t been back at work long enough to feel like I can prove myself, e.g. when my insides go mental don’t worry guys! Because when I’m healthy, oh I’m grand. Or to know how to function as a Mummy when really poorly. Or worrying about WHAT IS THE ACTUAL PLAN WITH MY CROHN’S. And when you’re sitting in a hospital bed on your lonesome in the middle of the night, you can’t help but let your mind wander.

There just seems so much uncertainty and for a woman who likes a plan…this one’s tough.

I spoke with my IBD nurses at the hospital and they recommended reaching out to the psychologists here. I’ve always been very vocal how for me counselling has been a great help – I’ve tried a variety over the years from one-to-one youth counselling, to a more general CBT approach and also group sessions for people with other chronic conditions. And now I feel that I need another outlet. For who I am as a person now. As a mother. As a wife. As a new West Country bumpkin. Where do I fit in and how do I learn how to manage with my Crohn’s for the current set up? Excuse the wanky term, but that’s a ‘journey’ that I’m going to have to go on and hopefully find out some of those answers.

I need to learn that only I put pressure on myself to be worrying for everyone one else in the world. But hey, once a worrier! But also that it’s key to know it’s all right that there’ll be things out of my control and everything will be just fine whether I’m in hospital or not. Whether I sit in this bed for another two weeks or I’m allowed home tomorrow. And that I’m also no use to anyone if I don’t allow myself time to get better: do as I’m told. Do as the doctors say. Rest when told. Let my body do its thing. Because my Crohn’s alone looks to be laden with many more hurdles and challenges over the coming months and I need to be ready for that. And it’s something I’ll be sharing with you all for sure.

From a more general standpoint as it stands with regards to my care, we are yet to manage a full meal. However we have had the camera up the ass today – wonderful Friday morning activity – and also had another x-ray to see what the bloody hell is happening inside me. There is a pesky 30cm section of small intestine that was found back in Summer 2015 and it was something we were ‘keeping an eye on’. Well the eyes have been subsequently peeled and nothing has changed so… but herein lies the problem. 30cm is a sizable chunk of small intestine. We don’t just whip that out willy nilly now guys. When discussing the large intestine, there are slightly more options surgically speaking – in that you can actually take it out completely if needs be. But when it comes to the unusually named small intestine (bearing in mind you have around 6m), you can’t live without that. And the more you chip away at it with resections, the more you leave yourself susceptible to future complications. Nutritional issues, feeding through tubes, being open to more serious diseases. Lovely stuff. So we’re tackling this from a medical point of view first. We’re mixing up the meds. We’re changing the doses. We’re hoping that I haven’t indirectly been overdosing on azathioprine as my weight has dropped. To quote the surgeon, is the resection off the table? No, not particularly. Is it something that requires urgent intervention this week? Also no.

So it’s time to get my game face on. It’s time to get my headspace sorted. Take those 3 minutes a day to meditate and zone out. To plan whatever is within my remit to prepare for.

And know that the rest will sort itself out.

X

First Year

One full year since we welcomed our little boy into the world. And now we're parents to an already independent, chatty, funny little boy who has (somehow) managed to use his eyebrows to express his feelings - in context - since the day he arrived.

I say it every year, but this last year has been one of the quickest in my life. It has also been simultaneously one of the most rewarding and challenging.

Let's take it back to the start...

Anyone that followed my blog previously will have read the journey we went on throughout my pregnancy with regards to my Crohn's. Around this time last year it was my elective c-section date; elective due to previous abdominal Crohn's operations; c-section so my arse didn't fall out when pushing. Our bags were packed and off we headed to the hospital on the Friday morning ready to have a baby by lunchtime. And we did! Everything went as planned as it can and we were home by the Sunday. A weekend of new baby.

How that was a year ago is utterly beyond me. Even when looking at photos, it still doesn't quite compute that I've been pregnant, had a baby and now he's one.

But it's times like this weekend just gone, at his first birthday party (which let's be honest, he had no clue about, because why would he?!) and seeing him with his little mannerisms and movements, his interactions with others; it's intriguing watching him grow and develop into a proper little boy. How much he's changed over the last few months in particular - so close to walking...a few waddles and then a slow sit down to the floor again - yet you can see that determination there. It's fascinating and it makes me excited for what else is to come as he continues to grow up and become his own person.

Can we just take a moment to discuss a child's first birthday party though? What a strange party to have. The guest of honour is completely unaware of the occasion; it's mainly for photos and the memories for others and to look back and say "this is what we did for your first birthday". Because you can't do nothing, it's their first birthday! First ever celebration of birth! Equally you know that from age 2 and onwards, the parties will be much better... So you do baking in rainbow coloured sponge, you get the pink wafers and party ring biscuits and you display the finger food along side the bottles of squash. And at least I finally had a good reason to eat kids' party food: I was hosting an actual kid's party this time.

But being surrounded by all of our family and friends, it made me ever so thankful and realise how lucky we truly are as our own family to have such wonderful people around us.

Because it gets tough sometimes. Parenting is genuinely all the clichés you get told beforehand. I have learnt so much in what seems like such a short space of time. You are thrown in the deep end and learn on the job as a new parent - each day is different and throws challenges at you - some days are harder than others, but that's ok. The majority of people will have been through it too, at some point. And even if you are doing everything in your power to provide the best for your child, you will still read an article that makes you question how you are as a mummy or daddy, or hear the advice givers and nay-sayers and wonder what more you could be doing. My son makes me proud every day. And I have to know that as his mummy I am doing everything I can for him. And so is his daddy.

Happy First Birthday Son.
We love you very much.

X

All New

*I've amended the heading for my blog, as I'm not sure how long 'new' lasts with regards to being a new mama. And am now no longer wedding planning as I'm a wife. But Crohn's is still ever present. We can talk about that another time perhaps?

Since I last blogged...

• We relocated from London to the Westcountry
• Moved in with the in-laws
• I came off of Maternity Leave and am now a full time working mother
• We got married!
• Had a minimoon, sans son
• It's our son's first birthday

So everything's still a bit new for me.

Having a blogging hiatus seemed slightly more acceptable when I sat back and realised how much change was happening in my life. I also feel that I very much wildly underestimated what the above tasks would entail; in both a physical and mental sense.

We'd covered all major life events in a period of around 8 weeks - never mind the sister-in-law's wedding, cousin's wedding and all the hens and stags in between. I think by the end of October I had decided that 'time' wasn't a thing any more. It didn't exist. It either went way too fast or chunks of time seemed to disappear without warning; not enough hours in the day, etc. etc.

So you're probably thinking, everything seems to have calmed down a bit now - why hop back onto the blogging figurative bicycle and share my thoughts? Well...this is by no means a 'woe is me' post; however I've mentioned before that sometimes slapping the keyboard with my feelings is quite the therapeutic task in itself. I've been thinking a lot about blogging of late - whether it be to help actually process all the change that's gone on, the fact my son is reaching his first birthday milestone and all that it brings with it (parenting highs, lows, challenges and rewards), that my own little family has done a full relocation of living and work, life as a newlywed (and what that even means?!), or that my Crohn's is still a pain in the arse and it bothers me.

I want to post about each of the main topics over the next week or so, as I'm currently signed off work (there's a wee insight into how my Crohn's is doing! *collective sigh*) But having blogged on and off for the last four years, I know when things have been on the tougher side, writing has really helped. Equally when things are on the lovely side, it's really enjoyable to write and share those moments, too.

And what better way to start again, than in two days time when it's our first born's FIRST BIRTHDAY. He's been here a year already. Out of the womb and our bab for a whole 12 months. I still don't feel like I was pregnant long enough to have grown him, let alone see him doing proper human things on his own like an independent chap. But he's here. And he's going to be one this weekend.

For he's a jolly good fellow...

Side note: having had a full life change of geographical location, working situation, my marital status and introduction to parenthood - I'm now trying to work out what Hattie, etc. actually means. So I'll get back to you on that once I've worked out what direction this here blog is going in.

X

Feeling Crafty

Crohn's shenanigans aside, 2017 is the year of the wedding! Best get organising and preparing as a bride-to-be...

First stop of arts and crafts for this mama on mat leave was the Save the Dates. I wanted to make something that wasn't overly time consuming - what with a new baby and all - but was also something I'd be proud to send out to family and friends.

Debated for a good while whether the Save the Dates had to be in the same colour scheme, etc. of the overall wedding stationery - typically they're sent so far in advance that how can you even know what colours you'll have?! But because we had a baby a few months went by (around 9) when all things wedding got parked for the time being. So now we're not actually that far away and have a rough idea of colours and what not...

They're all done and dusted and posted, and I'm really pleased with how they turned out. Should probably point out that I ordered our stamp from The English Stamp Company, along with the maroon/wine coloured inkpad. Dead impressed with the quality of it (also a nice little keepsake as it's got our wedding date on). Will be ordering more stamps from there, for sure - most likely for decorative purposes on other wedding stationery.

But now? It's time to work on the invitations!

I did my research as to what a wedding invitation should include; the actual inviting of the guests, time, date, etc. plus any details and an RSVP. Best route forward (as I wanted to make them all myself still) was to make a wedding bundle; make bits little and often, as again, young baby to look after too. So back to Pinterest for all the inspiration and I think we've finally settled what they'll look like. Give or take creative license.

I'd like to point out that I'm pretty keen for all this stuff; as in bought my own guillotine dedicated. I also feel that I should actually get a loyalty card for Paperchase. So after perusing the internet and deciding 'the look' for our invites, I got my supplies in and started the arts and crafts all over again. Well I say that, all I've been able to physically do thus far is cut the A4 paper into A5; don't actually have any of the main info confirmed yet for our wedding day (!) All in good time, hey...

I have, however, downloaded a font and created the designs for the invites themselves. Took a good while but I think we've got there in the end. Now to find a printers...

Wedding crafting has brought me onto first name terms with our local courier, what with all the paper bits I've been ordering. Very British moments of "Ah yes, me again! I know, so many deliveries" *rolls eyes and commences inane chit chat as you sign for the parcel* But lots of paper brings lots of wedding maths, like if there are 104 guests in the daytime with the wedding on a weekend, what colour envelopes do we need? (FYI, I'm a whizz now at paper/envelope sizes if anyone has any questions.)

But similarly to the Save the Dates, when the invites are complete I shall be sure to show you!

X

And then there were three

Quite the cliffhanger I left you guys on...

But our bump to baby day was just that; and now we're 6 weeks in to being a little family of three thanks to our new addition of a little baby BOY! My slight inkling towards the end of pregnancy suggesting my bab be might be a girl was proved wrong at 12:37pm on 18th November as we welcomed a tiny human boy via c-section, weighing 6lbs 9oz.

I had every intention of writing about the whole birthing experience sooner than now - but I became utterly consumed by our new baby and I wanted to just enjoy my new role as Mummy to our spud. If you happen to follow me on Instagram then there's no doubt you would have seen my new family goings on as I continue to fill my feed with Baby Spam. FYI, Baby Spamming looks highly unlikely to stop in 2017 so by all means jump on board, chaps. Or don't. I don't mind, 'tis your call.

The last six weeks have flown by though and it's amazing how much has gone on during that time. My venture into parenthood has, generally speaking, been one of the most incredible things that's happened in my life so far and I feel it deserves a more detailed blog post (which will follow in the New Year). I say 'generally speaking' as naturally when you try anything new, there will always be trials and tribulations as you find your feet. And my word first-time parenthood has some steep learning curves! Like, I don't know, learning how to function with no sleep and a baby on your boob. Wouldn't change it for the world, mind.

For now however, I wanted to say that I hope you all had a smashing Christmas and enjoy this evening as we say ta ta and farewell to 2016 and look forward to what 2017 has to offer. But I also wanted to say a massive thank you for reading my ramblings as this year saw me take on my biggest adventure yet.

Happy New Year from one hormonal and proud Mummy. Here's to doing the 'pump and dump' so Mummy can have a few glasses of bubbles or a wkd blue.

X

Pack 'Em Up

31 weeks and all antenatal classes complete! Labour, c-sections, recovery, breastfeeding, bathing, generally looking after a small human...we are informed.

Informed, yes. Totally ready? Not quite. But sure.

The antenatal classes have been really helpful though in taking all the bits we've read over the last 8 months and preparing us to put it all into practice.

And so onto this week, which is the week of the 'hospital bag'. Packing the hospital bags though make everything seem that bit more real. Throughout my pregnancy there have been moments when it's like OH. WE ARE ACTUALLY HAVING A BABY, but then you just carry on being pregnant and stuff. Like when we decided nursery colours, when we built the furniture, when the nursery was complete. When browsing online for buggies and car seats and slings and learning what a travel system is. Let alone hitting the physical preg milestones that take you aback as there's a real life human growing inside.

Looking online it seems that you need to take everything you've ever owned with you to the hospital. There are a few bits that are irrelevant as we're having a caesarean, but generally there is a fair bit of packing to do! It also advises that it's split so that mama has a bag, and then a bag for dad and baby in case I'm whisked away somewhere.

Pinterest browsing (again) for all the bits and bobs

The baby's movements have gone from me feeling ripples to acknowledging that yes, that is definitely a foot, or a tiny back and little bottom. Blows my mind! After all, it's under 50 days to go now.

The parents-to-be (and a celebratory ale)

Had my penultimate midwife appointment yesterday and it's always a relief hearing baby's heart beating away nice and strong - and it got me thinking about how far into pregnancy we are and how I still have no clue as to whether I'm carrying a girl or boy. Will I ever get a sense of what my baby is? Am I out of touch to have no idea? All other preg women I've spoken to have had an inkling of what they're carrying; which has either been proved correct when they've given birth, or they've found out at their 20wk scan and they're bang on. The hormones in pregnancy are a funny thing because you have these irrational moments where you let your mind wander and then suddenly you're just a big ol' pregnant weepy lump, sitting on your sofa talking away to your small human saying sorry you don't know what they are.

Well at least I know I'm definitely carrying a baby. Despite my dream the other night about giving birth to a kitten.

X

Thirties

We are 30 weeks pregnant. THIRTY. That only leaves 8 weeks until we're booked in. Whatever happens in the coming weeks we will definitely have a baby in 59 days.

Had a bit of a tricky weekend and subsequent morning today, mind. Heartburn still causing me grief - so much so I vomited on myself in the shower from burping. Nice. My Braxton Hicks are certainly getting stronger and making it much harder to stand up straight when they're present. All part and parcel of entering the 8 months preg club I guess!

However what I wasn't expecting this early was to lose a little bit of my plug.

There's no way to discuss it without being gross, so if preg detailed talk is too much, scroll down to the safe zone my friend...

Naturally, reading up on your mucus plug isn't the most pleasant of topics but something that needed to be done when you see what can only be described as a blob of clearish snot where it shouldn't be. A quick phone call with my midwives confirmed that as there was no pink in colour or blood, labour isn't imminent (can be anything from a few hours or few weeks if the full plug, or 'show', has happened). But that it does sound like some has come out and to keep an eye on things down there, rest up, etc.

Now I'm contending with pressure in my nethers, knowing baby is head down and that I'm without some of my plug. Please don't try and leave just yet oh miniature one! I haven't even packed your hospital bag!

*SAFE ZONE*

Needless to say there will be a delayed #bumpingalong picture as I am not wearing anything that's publicly acceptable; pants, t-shirt. A for-my-eyes-only vibe. I did manage to shave my legs all on my own though - except now they look like sausage meat.

So quick catch up on our first antenatal class last week for you: it was all about Intervention & Caesareans, the latter being the main bit for us. Hearing about being induced and seeing some of the tools used made my tummy go all funny. Yet strangely, talking frankly about the proceedings in a c-section didn't really phase me. I guess it's because I've had 14 ops with my Crohn's so a surgical set up is almost more favourable for me than a natural one!? Surgical is my natural set up.

Tonight's class is all about boobies. Well, officially Feeding Baby. But breastfeeding and bottle feeding, I believe. I've tried to get a bit of a head start and started reading 'Breastfeeding Made Easy' by Geraldine Miskin as I'd love to be able to breastfeed my human that I'm growing. I am aware however that it's not something all mums are able to do, whether by choice or otherwise, so I don't want to put pressure on myself if it turns out that my boobies can't do the feeding.

X

Professional Nester

Does nesting apply to all aspects of my life? As in nursery and homeware - but also my blog? If so, I'm ready to be a professional nester please.

I've been looking for a clean-looking blog template for what seems like years and now I've found one and have worked all evening on it (so sociable). Hattie, etc. finally got a ruddy good refresh and cleanse I wanted it to have. I also felt like the mint and peach colours of my blog before were merging into the nursery colour scheme; so now we have a sleek mono look instead, to match the grown up that I need to be when bab gets here.

The new layout also gives me an opportunity to show off photos more so; not just of myself in the #bumpingalong posts - because nobody needs to see my face stretched out across their screen, even when looking at the clothes - but for when I get stuck into wedding bits and bobs and of course once the miniature human is here. I'm a visual kinda person. Be visual with me.

This one has a mobile optimised look which pleases me so much! Quite the niggling pet hate putting in hard work to make the desktop version look all jazzy, only to view it on your phone and see a different thing altogether. A first world problem, sure, but annoying all the same.

I guess it's worth doing the life admin bits and bobs now because as my Nana pointed out to me today: "make the most of any free time you have, because you won't have any when baby gets here"...Wah. TEN WEEKS LEFT. SIX LEFT OF WORK. Although that seems close, when I say to myself that it's not until November it suddenly seems far away again. And then I see people on my Facebook counting down to Christmas and it's like jeewhizz I'll have a 5 week old baby by then!

I mentioned in my post yesterday that the third trimester is really starting to take it out of me. As you can see here in this sneaky picture by the other half from the other day...

Not my best look: spooning my cat with preg belly in all its glory

As it stands, I am experiencing what can only lightly be described as pressure on my nethers, whilst dealing with an extremely strong and active baby for my relatively small frame.

I spoke to my midwife and she said that the likelihood is is that baby is already head down and is leaning on a nerve, this is why it gets all kind of throbbing especially when I've had a wee. And before you ask (not that you would) 'tis not a water infection or any other vaginal situation. Overshare?! Perhaps. Anywho...some women give birth in that position, I guess using gravity as a helping hand? Fact of the matter is, is I am not ready for the small human to make an early appearance so if they could wiggle their way back up off the cervix area that would be ace.

Midwife tomorrow for the rhesus negative blood shenanigans and whilst I'm there I will of course discuss my need for opting to be horizontal for comfort. Just keeping everything crossed that baby isn't early as I would like to at least get into the 30 something weeks. But almost everything I've read in the forums have been posts by mums-to-be who are casually at 34/35 weeks and awaiting full engagement. I'm nowhere near fully baked yet.

Stay in there oh small one!

X

Final Chapter?

There seems to be much confusion among pregnancy apps, books and online with regards to when the third trimester officially begins - with it ranging from 26-29 weeks. Generally speaking though, it seems week 27 is the start of the last pregnancy chapter.

So that's it. Third and final trimester has begun. I am 27+1 now. Here is a list of things that I need to sort out before the small one comes:

• Complete nursery prep
• Go on maternity leave
• Hospital bag
• Get leaky titties
• Not be able to bend forward/shave legs, etc.
• Nest
• Eat everything
• Find clothes that fit me when in the grips of hibernation
• Have a baby
• Cry because everything is overwhelming

Obviously the above list is not necessarily reflective of the next 11 weeks and also activities will not necessarily be completed in that order. But knowing that we're in the third trimester brings an element of fear in that we're officially on countdown now. Like it's happening. Shit needs to get done because we are having a baby.

Didn't do my #bumpingalong photo yesterday as quite frankly, it was Bank Holiday Monday and we were building the nursery wardrobe which (finally) arrived. So you lucky ones get to look at my clothes from today; grey t-shirt from New Look in a size 12. 'Tis actually a peplum cut so although non-maternity, allows fanning of the bump. Dress is from asos in a size 10 and again, non-maternity but was one of the first items I bought when I knew I was preg but was in the secret part of pregnancy. No one can question a growing bump when it's invisible in a boyfriend fit dress! Although the boyfriend fit is looking pretty tight nowadays...

But the most exciting thing that happened yesterday is that I FINALLY got to capture the wriggler on camera! So amazing. So alien. Just utterly incredible and I love the little one (video down the right hand side on the desktop view of la blog)

I also still find it incredibly odd that I have no idea what I'm carrying - other than that they're a baby. There I am, chatting away to this genderless person I've made with no idea if they're a little boy or a little girl. It doesn't matter to me either way, I just find it a funny situation. Should I have strong feelings about what sex they are? Or are there mums out there who also had no clue what they were carrying?

Boy or girl, our little tinker's bump adventure continues...Here's to the third trimester, guys.

X

Returning of the Sandwiches

You may recall my comparison of a ham sandwich in a service station and that of buying maternity clothes, a few posts back. And then how I said I'd do a separate post on the asos haul because, FASHION.

Well essentially this is it - but it's more along the lines of how clothes online don't always look like that in real life. Duh. So I am returning aforementioned ham sandwiches - not all of them mind, the snakeskin booties and polonecks made the cut, as did a white shirt.

That is me in the white shirt.

It's maternity and quite sack-like but it's very comfortable. There's something about a classic white shirt that makes you feel a bit back to school, but alas it's probably one of my favourite items in my newly reformed capsule maternity collection.

As I mentioned before, maternity clothes aren't cheap but there is a definite requirement for them. I've decided to refine my approach to the sartorial challenge and wear as many non-maternity items as possible whilst I can. And only buy maternity bits because the non-maternity equivalent just won't do; for instance, jeans or bras. This is also because I'm starting to realise that I need to easily get my booby out when the child has arrived and my money would be better spent on a nursing bra and shawl, compared to another jersey dress that clings onto the bump in all the right places because it says maternity on the label.

The next black hole of mama fashion that's crossed my mind - albeit way too early: maternity wear postpartum.

I am very much 'just bump' so far in my pregnancy, and bearing in mind how much my body weight has changed over the years with all the different meds and generally my Crohn's Disease, I was ready to expand everywhere. I'm also aware that when my baby comes out of my body I expect to look down at my newly scarred tum and see a somewhat deflated balloon (a final visual for the pregnancy wind, perhaps).

Like I've alluded to before, I am in utter awe of the body and what it does during pregnancy and I don't see why that would change once the miniature person is out of me. If anything I think I'll be taken aback even more so. Because they made it out. The human will be out of my body and in my arms. I don't want to feel the societal pressure of snapping back a la every single celeb in the sidebar of shame on Mail Online. Your body changes for 9 months so I'm expecting at least 9 months for it to return to its 'normal'. And if it doesn't, who cares?

On that basis alone, I imagine that me and my maternity jeans and booby-bearing nursing bras will remain pals for a good while after birth. And that is fine.

I've still got a lot to do before then anyway. You know, like stay being pregnant for another 12 weeks and survive this mini heatwave again.

X

Nearly There

26 weeks today. Last week of my second trimester.

I feel like I write it every time I do a #bumpingalong but I genuinely don't know where the time is going... To think this time next week I'll be entering my third and final trimester of this pregnancy is just nuts to me. Especially when I think of all the things that still have to happen! And with that I mean my baby's growing but also practical bits and bobs.

As I mentioned in my last post, this weekend was all things nursery DIY and we had a very successful trip to IKEA as well. No arguing. No miniature pencils at dawn. Win-win if you ask me! It did make me laugh though, as I waddled through the layout (which you definitely must follow, otherwise chaos I tell ye. Like a salmon upstream), but seeing how many other preg couples were doing the same kind of thing as us; half knowing that they need to kit the nursery out but what exactly to buy? No one really knows. It's IKEA. People are there for the meatballs and strange items, no?

We got the main bits we were after though - namely a bookcase. But as always, went slightly rogue with the big yellow bag come basket. Who doesn't need multiple indoor faux greenery?! They look just great. And always worth a candle top-up when you're there, too.

Strong nursery haul

Some questionable items in the kids section however...case and point.

WHAT IS THIS AND WHY?!

With regards to the nursery now, we're nearly there. The changing unit arrived on Saturday afternoon as we sat among boxes, alan keys and 95 toolbits that didn't seem to match up to the furniture we bought. But yes, lots of building was done and now what was our spare room very much has a function as a nursery. Still waiting on the wardrobe, mind. That's lost in transition somewhere which isn't helpful but I guess it's one of those things. Everything else went so smoothly, there had to be one item that went off the beaten track.

Not knowing the gender of our baby has proved tricky for accessorising as it's so easy to get carried away with typically 'boy' items and vice versa. I swear the percentage of gender neutral items in shops is like 0.01% whether that's clothing or storage boxes, even changing mats!? To be honest I don't think we'll suddenly go all out blue or pink once we know what our baby is - we've got a strong colour family we're using anyway; mint, peach, grey and white. So for instance, we got a lovely blue London print but we will offset again some peachy/coral patterns on our frame wall.

Enough waffling about interiors. I started this post with reference to #bumpingalong so here is my 26th week look.

Blue baby tube

None of it is maternity, I've just worn them in a way that lets my bump be an unrestricted bump. Top is a size 12 from Primark (£5 in the sale, bargain) and the dress is a throwback H&M number in a large from when I was all sorts of steroid large myself. And as you can see my bump is very much out now. Belly button still clinging on at the bottom but I feel much more pregnant.

I believe I experienced the first few Braxton Hicks this weekend too, which took me by surprise. Everything is becoming more real; nursery building, baby moving. Even handed in my Mat Leave form to HR at work.

Only 12 weeks until baby. Oh my.

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DIYing

This weekend is all about nursery DIY *digs out trusty alan key*

The nursery is painted and looking just lovely - it's strange to see what was our spare room, the room that kind of had no purpose, now very much ready to be filled with all things baby. Our baby. Our baby's room.

We ordered the furniture last week and we're trying to build as it arrives. I mean I say 'we', but really I was the instruction reader and I got one swift go on a screw with an alan key...but then back to delegating as the preg one.

Our little person's cotbed arrived first and that is now built, mattress in and awaiting bedding. A jazzy rug arrived yesterday and the wardrobe is due to arrive today; so that's our Friday night activity sorted!

Me (not pictured) saying yes that is where that goes

Tomorrow however I feel will be a bit of a nightmare for my other half - and I tell you for why. It's a Saturday. And we're going to go to IKEA. The vortex that sucks you in where you follow other wandering couples and you want the children's section but suddenly you're in the garden section holding a faux palm tree. Wish us luck for that people! We might end up doing battle in the candle section with the miniature pencils.

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Captive Market

Maternity clothes, that is.

I'm aware how there is so much more choice nowadays compared to the matronly tents of years gone by (thank you, please). It is also doubtful that it'll be like-for-like with high street shops or websites for choice any time soon. It's just that you obviously only require maternity clothes for the set amount of time you grow the human; so you're automatically a captive market because you need their stuff...Unless you find the elusive unitard/sack to wear continuously for 9 months. Or be nude. Or alternate between the two, sure.

Why are maternity clothes so ruddy expensive though? I keep a crafty eye on asos maternity as they by far have the largest range of mama-to-be clothes. I've done my little hauls when there's a sale as I don't want to be paying over the odds for something that I can't wear once bab is here. Although I'll park that idea if the waistband lets me eat everything, a la Joey Tribbiani in Phoebe's maternity trousers.

The best analogy I can think of is that it's like when you're on a road trip and you stop at a service station; you only want a ham sandwich, but that will cost you £9 because it's the only sandwich that fits you. You know? Sandwiches...maternity wear, it's one and the same...

Well I bought multiple ham sandwiches over the weekend. Ooopsy.

In my defence it was the sale and I was also buying things that I can definitely just get large and in charge in. Some off-season AW16 garments slipped into my basket ready for those cold pregnant nights too. But hey. Who doesn't need two polo necks when we're in the middle of a small UK heatwave?! Because I certainly know I do!

Will put up my asos haul in another post once I've tried them all on and decided that yes, I definitely need these snakeskin Chelsea boots. They offset the growing bump so well #struggledtostayontask.

Talking of bumps, I am now at week 25's #bumpingalong and I'm in all the maternity today (no new items here). It's my denim shirt from Topshop in a size 10 used cleverly as a bump highlighter and the grey dress which was one of the first maternity bits I bought as it had good room to grow into. I wasn't wrong! Dress also from Topshop and in a size 10.

Pale and interesting from the knees down

Jazzy heel was originally paired with this look because I felt a bit slouchy and sleepy, and then I realised I'm pregnant and flats are my friends. So out came the flip flops from the handbag mid-commute. And looking at the photo, apparently my shins didn't see any sunlight whilst away. Don't look too closely at the lower limbs though, as you can see the nursery paint I seem to have missed whilst showering. Evidently bending forward is getting trickier despite my best efforts.

Can't believe we're 25 weeks now. 13 to go. Almost game time!

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All Change

My last post didn't really seem the right setting to casually show you a picture of me at 22 weeks #bumpingalong so I gave it a new one of its own.

The look I've gone for today has indirectly ended up looking like a burnt orange with two toothpicks for legs. Sure.

Getting bigger by the day. Obviously.

Maternity (bargain) shorts from H&M which actually only cost me £7, despite the label and protests from the checkout lady that it should in fact be £24.99. Paired with a non-maternity t-shirt because I just needed to be comfortable with bump today after this morning's escapades. Both in a size 10.

This photo has also shown me how much I am in need of a tan as I'm almost see through. Luckily we have our BABY MOON to look forward to next week! Roll on the non-alcoholic Sangria in the Spanish sunshine. Even ordered some maternity swimwear today and if you're lucky I might show you all. Oh aye.

So many changes happening to my body though. Some glorious that you can't help but be in awe of what the human body can do. And some, well...you can't help but be in awe of what the human body can do. Just for very different reasons.

Let me break it down for you, with some bodily highlights.

Baby Moving
As my last post pointed out, our baby has been moving for a while now and there were a few developments this morning that reiterated to me that it's not always as straight forward as you think. But good news is, baby is well and that's what matters. Hopefully the other half and I will still get to see the movements get bigger, despite our baby hiding behind my placenta. Yum.

Breasts
These are out of control. They've grown like three sizes in a matter of weeks and now they're just all over the place and under my armpits and simply ginormous. You can call me Tits McGee. Are they going to keep growing the rest of the time? If so they will undoubtedly end up larger than my head and I don't know how veiny they can be before they're essentially green in colour. And I'm not even starting to lactate yet...

Wind
No one told me how windy you'd get when preggers. I've always been of the upper wind section with Crohn's (although sometimes pretend the bathroom is a soundproof room as an orchestra falls out my ass). Yet the noises coming out of me are shameful. No odour. Just noise. Although sometimes no noise; just air slowly escaping like from a deflating balloon. It's terribly embarrassing. But that - if anything - is where my Crohn's is an advantage: awkward flatulence is not a new situation. It's just the volume, in every sense when pregnant; noise and amount.

Baby Bump
I still very much from the back look like a regular gal who is not with child but then when I turn around it's a baby. Here it is! The bump is getting bigger every day and I'm awfully concerned about just how far out it's going to go by the time I'm at my 38 weeks, just from a practical side of things. How do I even stand up straight then? At least we'll have these #bumpingalong posts to look back on for comparison!

Piles
Now I had to put this in because it made me laugh so much. I read in one of the pregnancy books that around these last few weeks of pregnancy (so week 17-22 ish) piles can begin to become a problem for ladies. The best thing about what I read was one of the old wives tales that supposedly 'helps'. Ready? Cut a potato wedge and stick it between your bumcheeks on the area that's sore. It was slightly more eloquently put than that - but the imagery! A cold potato wedge in your bottom! If anyone gives this a go, I hope it works. I'm clearly not from the medical profession but hey if you're into that sort of thing...

I'll be hiding in a dark room now - but these things needed to be said.

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Hidden Kicks

22 weeks today and as we're all aware, Mondays are never the best days of the week anyway. And today was certainly no different as I sat in my GP waiting to see the doctor after a lack of sleep for worrying about our baby.

As I mentioned a few weeks back, I've been feeling baby movement for a good while now - established timings and a pattern to keep an eye on. Even being able to see the moving through my clothes. But over the last few days, the movements seemed less often and when they did happen in the usual time slot, they just seemed so faint. I've been beside myself with worry the last day or two and it culminated in me being awake last night willing our baby to do a big movement so I knew all was fine.

You just feel useless. And then you worry that your body isn't working properly and that your baby isn't going to be all right. So when you pass a time frame where usually things would happen and there's nothing...it just made me so anxious. Especially as a first-time mum-to-be as I have absolutely zero experiences to base this all on, so naturally you look for reassurance where you can.

My doctor felt my bump this morning and said it was the right size and felt as it should for my gestation. And the main thing for me was that I also got to hear our baby's heartbeat. I can't describe the relief of knowing that baby was doing ok and things were actually as it should be.

Turns out that looking back over my scan notes, my placenta is positioned anterior high which means it's at the front of my uterus, as opposed to the back; when the placenta is at the front it can sometimes cushion the movement of the baby. So it seems likely that our hyperactive mini human went on a wander and moved to a place where even though they're moving all the time still, they've softened the blow of kicking me hard. They just put us through the mill emotionally instead of physically!

I spoke to my midwives this morning and they let me know that I'd done exactly the right thing in following it up with a medical professional. At the risk of sounding silly, I was all sorts of emotional, worrying and I just wanted to someone to tell me that I was being dramatic and it was fine - again searching for that reassurance.

My other half was so incredibly supportive with all this going on, too. Speaking as the pregnant one in our relationship, I've had to have moments to sit back and realise that he only knows how I'm feeling with baby based on what I share with him. He can't tell the difference in feeling of a flutter and more substantial kick. Let alone if those patterns of feeling have changed? So for him to be able to keep me as calm as possible when really he has no idea either, just makes me appreciate him even more.

What an anecdote to share when they're older: "Ahh, do you remember that time you played hide and seek with my placenta? You rascal, you."

But yes, at least now we know that our little one is actually doing wonderfully. They just made their mummy and daddy temporarily shit themselves.

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PS: Kicks Count do a band you can use to keep track of periods of movement. Super helpful in these situations, especially if the baby brain has kicked in. And their website is full of such useful info as well.

My Kicks Count wristband on arrival

Wiggle Wiggle

So I said a little while back that we, as in me, had felt the first movements of my baby in my tum. Now I'm over 18 weeks the movements are getting much more noticeable and those small flutters have become the swooshing and rolling you read about.

I'm in complete and utter awe of the human body. And to also give credit to mine, as it (so far) has seemed to do what it's supposed to for a pregnant body. Normally it dances to the beat of its own drum for Crohn's and I've had to just cope with whatever it did.

Saying that though, the last few days I've been feeling a tad ropey and decided to stay at home and rest whilst trying to determine if I'm wiped out from baby or Crohn's. Fortunately I'm back at the hospital again on Monday with the IBD doctor for pregnant ladies so I'll be sure to express my concerns/symptoms with her. For the time being I am going to try and have a Modulen each day as I'm currently struggling with all the poos again; I'm worried I won't put enough weight on for the bab. Fingers crossed I'm just run down like any normal mum-to-be and it's not going to be a case of putting me back on steroids because I'm flaring. We shall see!

Anyway...I've had many a sound and feelings happen in my stomach from Crohn's which to a non-IBDer would probably be a WTF moment. But the baby moving!? That's insane. Especially now it's more often and clearer. I had my first experience of skin movement over the weekend and it was the most bizarre thing! Watching the skin on my bump wobble a bit on its own?!? Only for a second, mind. And then it happened again later on in the evening. I tried to get the other half to see but alas not yet. There was a lot of aimless staring by the both of us, waiting, just waiting for something to happen. But another few days or so and I think it'll be a lot easier for him to see his baby moving around. Plus it's only a couple of weeks until we see our baby on screen again. Such love.

I'm really enjoying pregnancy though; that surprises me slightly because as much as I wanted to enjoy it, I was worried I'd spend the whole time feeling poorly and/or struggling to embrace the changes to my body. But I've been fortunate to have a relatively normal pregnancy thus far and I'm the closest to remission with my Crohn's that I've ever been (despite the odd hiccup). Who would have thought making a human would fix me?! Albeit - potentially - temporarily.

I am going to continue putting my stretch mark oil on my bump every night, watch the silvery teenage lines on my hips and thighs get that bit bigger and watch as my body carries on changing to make sure the tiny person has everything it needs to grow into a healthy baby. And anyway...

Same applies to all things baby bump and boobies.

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Nursery Nesting

I went to Mothercare on the weekend and took myself by surprise with how I reacted when I walked in; I had a little lump in my throat. I AM SO EMOTIONAL.

It was probably due to being completely overwhelmed that I was actually (window) shopping for the baby in my tummy. The miniature human who will definitely be here in just over 19 weeks. And also because all of the clothes were so bloody small you couldn't help but squeal a bit as you walked by them.

You may think that all sounds ridiculous, but you have to bear in mind that I'm the type of gal who will buy a small deodorant in the queue at Boots, purely based on the fact it's a small version of the bigger cans. You can imagine how much I love travel products. Everything so little. Same seems to apply to baby clothes.

It was a worthwhile trip though as so far we've only really generically looked at nursery furniture online and haven't even started to look at specific brands for the travel systems, et al. There's so much to it all!

I think for the time being (as official nesting can begin end of July, post-scan) we're going to make a list of all things advised to have when having a child; taken from forums, parenting magazines, online advice. Then we can whittle it down to the following...

• What's essential and we couldn't possibly do without
• What isn't necessarily must-have, but would essentially fall under a life hack if you've got it
• What would be lovely to have if we had the space/money (one can dream)
• What we really don't need

I am so excited to start the proper foundations of creating our child's room. Colour swatches, cribs and cots, soft furnishings, playmats and bouncing chairs. Many elements to think of and so I'm making the most of my organisational head before my Baby Brain becomes 99% of me. 

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Onto my 18 weeks #bumpingalong and there are two photos this week: one I have already shared on my Instagram on Friday because the dress was new and I just wanted to show it off to the world. It was that kind of Friday feeling, in a dress. I just felt nice.

It's from asos maternity, size 10, but it's got a good amount of room to stretch into. It's a tricky business, buying maternity online. I'm going under the assumption that they might be a tad loose(ish) around the middle now but I'm sure it's only a matter of time until that is filled with baby bump!

My actual #bumpingalong photo from today and it's on location.

Wearing a non-maternity Boohoo dress in a size 10 - it's sort of like a smock which is why I can get away with it, bump included. And, well, clogs. I'm open to the variety of shoe styles!

I did a full wardrobe clear out over the weekend and broke my clothes down into three categories: have I worn it in the last year, will I want to wear it after baby, can I wear it as I grow? There was lots of trying on and moments where I felt more like Gus in Cinderella when his t-shirt pops back over his belly, but I think I got there in the end. A full spring cleanse and it felt good! I've allowed myself room to invest in a few more essential maternity items, kept clothes that are special to me but also got rid of things that I've been saying for too long that "I'll wear that again soon"...

It seems having a baby gets you all kind of pro-active and organised.

Only a few more weeks until the real nesting fun begins!

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What's in a Name?

I honestly didn't think choosing a name for the child that I'm carrying would be so bloody hard. Naive, perhaps. But it's really quite the task! Don't underestimate the responsibility in naming another human forever. Pets are hard enough.

Through what must be hundreds of names that the fiancé and I have looked at, girls names seem so much easier to pick. They just seem to have more variety? Whereas the boys name seem quite samey (sorry chaps!) Maybe that's just what it appears to me - but the general consensus from other parents I've spoken with, is that they also found girls names easier to choose.

Are there any hints and tips for choosing a name? As we don't want to find out what we're having, it obviously means we need to have names for both a little boy and a little girl. If there's a little girl growing in me then we're sorted! If it's a boy, then it is currently nameless...But then again maybe it will mean we do actually find out at our 20 week scan in two weeks - because then we know what sort of name we have to choose.

Is there a criteria to follow to help you decide what you name your child? Or is it an epiphany and suddenly you have that moment of 'I hereby name my offspring ...'? If I'm to go by some of the names that have popped up in my (very) vivid dreams, then there's currently a little boy in my womb and I've called him Hector.

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#MaternityStyle

This is a whole other ball game.

Now I like clothes. In fact, I bloody love them. And as I've said before, I've had my fair share of sartorial challenges with my ever-changing body shape due to Crohn's.

Maternity style however?! Apparently if you're pregnant you can only buy clothes that are in the outline of a small marquee. And Summer fashion isn't a thing as everything seems to have to have a sleeve. It's not like your body temperature is already higher than normal or anything.

Unless you're Blake Lively at Cannes 2016. HELLO MAMA. She absolutely killed it. What a selection of clothes. Effortless in looking glorious in her pregnancy.

Slay...

I decided that for my maternity look, or #MaternityStyle if you will, that I was going to fall more in the camp of unitards than Peter Pan-collared matron tents. Seeing Blake's outstanding selection of outfits (which would have looked just as marvellous without the bump) makes me determined to have fun with dressing my new bump, as I enter my second trimester and maternity clothes shopping is now a must. Plus the second trimester is by all accounts the nicest of the three...my time to 'bloom'. Blooming wonderful.

I imagine that the further along I go in pregnancy, the more I will embrace anything loose because all I will want to be is comfortable. But I'm not going to be heavily pregnant until Autumn. And that's when everyone wants to layer up and look like a potato anyway.

Outfit Goals. Not so much.

So now to today, where I have a day off from work and I head to Oxford St to tackle this whole new world of clothing. What fabulous creations can I come up with? If it all goes to plan then a post full of pictures will naturally follow. And if it doesn't and I end up having a full pregnancy meltdown because my waist isn't a thing anymore, then a post of my emotional situation will follow instead.

Wish me luck!

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