My Saving Grace

For now, anyway...is my GP.

She's amazing. I love her! So helpful.

Unsurprisingly, after the day I had yesterday I was starting to lose my faith in the NHS and what happens now. Fortunately, my GP is a star and let me vent to her on the phone today. We mutually agreed that I wasn't really getting anywhere with my current hospital - and that it's probably best a fresh set of eyes view my bloat.

So I'm off to the doctors after work today to pick up a referral form!

It's nice to have my faith in GPs restored, as I'll be the first to admit I was a bit sceptical in the role they play for someone with a chronic disease; but I think it's because I wasn't settled geographically and it made it a lot harder to see the same person each time.

At least I know my current GP wants to help me, wants to make sure I'm doing ok...it's nice. Because it's certainly not easy trying to get on with things when it seems as if it's all going to shit.

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I know I had a proper rant in my post yesterday - sorry. But I was just so angry (still am, to be fair) and felt so utterly disappointed and let down.

I don't understand how they were so blasé with me? And - if you're reading between the lines - suggest that my bloat is potentially my fault, as it's due to the weight I've put on.

No it isn't. My insides aren't working properly, and I know this as I'm the one who's dealing with it first-hand. I just need someone to listen to me.

Hopefully by getting referred to a new hospital, I will be able to get somewhere in finding out what's happening inside me.

Here's hoping...

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Pure Rage.

I have just returned from the hospital and I am absolutely livid. Fuming.

I am running over the conversation with the doctor over and over in my head, and doing the typical thing of 'if only I'd said that'. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

What is NOT a wonderful thing, is coming away from the hospital after waiting stupid amounts of time to be seen by someone, to then get told I will need to shit in a pot and have a scan within the next 6 weeks. Oh and here's a slip for a follow up appointment at the end of August.

I'm close to punching my computer in frustration.

AND THEN to make matters worse, we decided to go over my scans...

You know, the ones where they mentioned I may have an abdominal fistula? Shed some light on why I'm always so bloated and in levels of pain that need Oramorph to ssh them?

Well it's a no from him!

Because apparently it looks like it's just a bit of muscle inflammation...Or he said maybe it's to do with the weight I've put on...

How fucking kind of you to point that out. It's not like I'm unhappy putting weight on or anything. It's also OBVIOUSLY stupid of me to think that something must actually be wrong with my stomach. But you carry on, even though I haven't seen you since before October. Carry on chap.

You're right. All of the pain and struggle is just the weight I've put on. So yes, let's get an appointment for me to see a dietician.

I didn't realise being fat meant that your stomach:body ratio went completely disproportionate, you were always bloated and you are hard in certain areas of your stomach. That it made you feel sick once you've eaten and your poo still sounds like you're weeing. This is clearly down to the weight I've gained! And how convenient it all got worse after my operation!

Even the boyf tried to help me out as he could see I was getting agitated and teary. Nothing makes you more frustrated than when you say your piece, followed by 'Mmm yes. I appreciate that.'

NO YOU DON'T. NO YOU REALLY DON'T. Otherwise you would not let me stay this way for the next few months.

The way forward? More investigation. And for now? I just have to stay exactly as I am - ol' chubby me - until I get scanned within the next 6 weeks. And even then have to wait at least a month after that until I speak to someone face-to-face again.

Thank you ever so fucking much for absolutely nothing.

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Rash!

I keep coming out in a rash...

I usually refer to these as my 'stress rashes' and I'm going to assume it's because I am SUPER NERVOUS about the hospital later.

 

I just want some answers. And hope that I may get to enjoy my birthday next Tuesday haha - but is this more wishful thinking...?!

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Interview

I did an interview not long ago for a friend's beauty website...not entirely Crohn's related, but Crohn's certainly gets mentioned a fair few times!

As today is World IBD Day, Catrina very kindly published it this evening.

Would love for you to check it out.

Secrets of a Beauty Addict

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