Mind Games

I am very much a positive person when it comes to looking on the brighter side of life, and what not. But I seem to have hit a wall.

I wouldn't say that I am 'depressed' again - I am just having a hard time trying to stay upbeat about me and my body.

Weight issue aside (because you all know how I feel about that), I don't understand how I can get better when no one knows why certain things are happening inside me...ok, yes, I am under investigation again, but at a snail's pace. And the snail is asleep.

At least before when I'd be a bit down about the whole thing, I knew I had a scan/appointment/consultation around the corner and we were working towards getting me better.

But their lack of urgency is even more apparent with the appointment letters I got through this week. My surgical follow up appointment is for December. My cat scans are in the middle of July and my gastro follow up is near the end of August. Great work.

I really don't want to have to get more poorly before someone does something to help?!

I guess I feel like I did before I was diagnosed with Crohn's; I know things aren't normal and despite what the medical people say to me, it's not making a blind bit of difference. When there's a fundamental problem with my body - especially my digestive system - whatever I do right now, isn't going to change anything.

Which is why I am in the middle of moving hospitals on the hope that whoever I see next will be able to help me out...

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25

Today is my birthday!!

I am 25 years old - officially at 8:57pm.

Without sounding like a complete sap, I suppose I'm not really where I thought I would be at 25; I'm not yet married, I'm not dancing full time, I don't own my own house.

I guess when I was younger, being 25 seemed exceptionally grown up.

HOWEVER, I have managed to nab myself an amazing boyfriend, keep an excellent support network of friends and famm, get a job in an industry which is oh so fun and I get to work with people who are ace.

Oh and I got Crohn's. But that's by the by...

So tonight I am going to have a cocktail or 5 and dance until the sun comes up, as I have a tactical day off tomorrow.

Me as a young'un

Oh yeah. Birthday. Yeah.

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More Exciting News!

As you know, I was asked to write a guest post for Me and IBD - and now it is LIVE.

I wasn't sure what to write about and ended up going with my gut; in every sense of the word.

Would really appreciate it if you would have a read through and let me know what you think?

Thank you!

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My Saving Grace

For now, anyway...is my GP.

She's amazing. I love her! So helpful.

Unsurprisingly, after the day I had yesterday I was starting to lose my faith in the NHS and what happens now. Fortunately, my GP is a star and let me vent to her on the phone today. We mutually agreed that I wasn't really getting anywhere with my current hospital - and that it's probably best a fresh set of eyes view my bloat.

So I'm off to the doctors after work today to pick up a referral form!

It's nice to have my faith in GPs restored, as I'll be the first to admit I was a bit sceptical in the role they play for someone with a chronic disease; but I think it's because I wasn't settled geographically and it made it a lot harder to see the same person each time.

At least I know my current GP wants to help me, wants to make sure I'm doing ok...it's nice. Because it's certainly not easy trying to get on with things when it seems as if it's all going to shit.

*****

I know I had a proper rant in my post yesterday - sorry. But I was just so angry (still am, to be fair) and felt so utterly disappointed and let down.

I don't understand how they were so blasé with me? And - if you're reading between the lines - suggest that my bloat is potentially my fault, as it's due to the weight I've put on.

No it isn't. My insides aren't working properly, and I know this as I'm the one who's dealing with it first-hand. I just need someone to listen to me.

Hopefully by getting referred to a new hospital, I will be able to get somewhere in finding out what's happening inside me.

Here's hoping...

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