I went to the GP on Monday.
One of the things she said to me really hit home, as I'd never thought about depression in that way, as there's not always a particular trigger for the dips...
I was in the middle of playing human Jenga. Hypothetically, with pieces being removed for various reasons I stayed standing - and although things seemed all right, I wasn't as balanced as I thought I was and it toppled.
So I've been referred back to CBT counselling - but this time she's requested individual as opposed to group, as the group one wasn't such a benefit for me. The people in my group were having issues with things they could change. But this was my problem. I was in there because I couldn't cope with things that I had no control over, couldn't change.
Now I wait for the counselling chaps to call me, quiz me on how I feel about everything and anything, and then wait for a letter with my level of depression. Ooh such fun.
Naturally I'm worried about how this is going to effect work and my relationships; all of them. Not just the need to leave to talk about my life to a stranger. But the days when I'm feeling low. The days when I don't even want to get out of bed, let alone leave the house.
All I can do now though is know that I'm doing everything I can to go back to 'normal'. Whatever that is.
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