Half Time

So although Monday was my 19 weeks, it was officially my halfway point as I'm booked in for my c-section at 38 weeks. Where has the time gone?!

Also had the hospital on Monday to see the Crohn's midwife team - I explained to them that I'd been feeling a tad under the weather the previous week but wasn't able to tell them if it was Crohn's, pregnancy, or a combination of the two. Got my bloods done to check all my levels for general pregnancy but also IBD and they said they would be in touch if something came back off kilter.

Then there I am yesterday at my work Summer Festival with a missed call from the hospital. WAH. Luckily they called back; I was dreading it a bit as they said they'd only call if the results weren't fine...Turns out it wasn't my Crohn's flaring which was a massive relief - my inflammatory markers were hardly noteworthy. It's my iron.

I've always been borderline anaemic for as long as I can remember, but on the right side of normal, still. It seems that now my iron levels have dropped quite a lot since being preggers and my hemoglobin levels are rather abnormal. Still no giving blood for me then! Oopsy daisy. I'm putting this decrease in iron down to essentially being a vegetarian because meat is still making me feel poorly. Looks like I'll have to go on prescription iron for a while to make sure that I'm not a temporary narcoleptic whilst growing the bab and to also make sure I eat more spinach like Popeye for an extra boost. Just not looking forward to the side effects of the iron tablets (oh my Crohnie bowels).

But enough about that! Onto the nice things! Here's me #bumpingalong for week 19 in a maternity purchase from asos in a size 10, plus my new 'mum' barnet. Look at my bump...it's getting so big carrying my mango-sized baby. Ahh.

This baby is so active though! I find it all so amazing and surprising as I am only 19 weeks - I feel lucky to be experiencing such movement already.

We were starting the foundations of nesting for after our scan next week and there was one moment this weekend where our baby was going nuts! I didn't even have to get baby daddy's attention as it was so noticeable through my clothes. Our baby is definitely in a routine now, so I'm aware of when to keep an eye out for the dancing and can move my Kicks Count band around another number.

Am hoping to capture the moving on video and if I do I will share on here. It's magical/like something out of 'Alien'.

X

Still flaring?

And my level of frustration towards my Crohn's has skyrocketed this week!

I have the first of two hen doos on the weekend, followed by the second next weekend...then my holiday on 11th August...and then the two weddings at the end of the month. Not to mention my full time job.

I certainly do not need to be tired, vomiting, shitting out water and crying. Nope. Nahhh. No. Definitely not.

However, I do have my gastro consultant appointment on Thursday of this week. I'm not expecting anything amazing to come out of it, but just having them prod my stomach and realise how hard it's gone - in a weird way makes me feel better as it would confirm that I'm flaring.

I know it sounds ridiculous as I'm 5 years into my IBD journey - but sometimes I find it hard to determine if I'm officially in a flare up, or just really struggling with the day-to-day symptoms of Crohn's; the fatigue, the loose stools, etc.

I'm also curious as to what people think about Azathioprine? I have a very up and down relationship with it and I'm considering stopping it after I've spoken to my consultant about other options.

Either way, hopefully they'll be able to patch me up for the Summer!

X

Nil by Mouth

Since Saturday I have been struggling to eat anything - FODMAP foods and all. And anything other than water is making me feel poorly too. It's the nausea I can't handle. And the pain. Oh the pain! Like my stomach is so swollen it feels like it could burst.

I put my food problems out there on Facebook and some of the responses I got with regards to what to eat were interesting! From applesauce to rice cakes, to liquid diets, shakes and fasting.

Today is a lot better than previous days though; have managed to eat a banana and not throw up or run to the bathroom. It's the simple things, eh?!

Yesterday I thought it was a good idea to try and go back to work (so bored at home - there's only so much daytime TV you can watch before you're brain dead) But alas, I still looked like I'd been punched right in the face and cried at the drop of a hat. So off back home I went where I then slept alllll day. And then vommed. And woke up countless times in the night to go to la toilette. But there we are.

I know I've said it before, but it's the ultimate frustration that comes with flare ups. They just inconvenience everything. It's giving me major FOMO [Fear of Missing Out, FYI ha] I have so many things coming up that I'm looking forward to and all I want is to know that I can have a proper Summer. Ideally with minimal Crohn's issues. Not asking for much!!

Got an appointment with my consultant on 17th so will obviously fill them in on what's been going on and we take it from there...

Enjoy the sunshine!

X

The Joys of the Unpredictable

Well this morning didn't go as planned!

Didn't eat anything new/different last night...body seemed to do its normal thing of eat, toilet, toilet, bed. Yet this morning - jeewhizz. No fun at all, my friends.

Stomach was bloated and a tad painful (nothing new there), went to the toilet as per the usual morning routine. But the nausea that came with it! And the physical need to want to actually be sick! Uhh indeed.

45 mins later, got dressed - whilst sweating like it was 130 degrees - and left to get the tube. Until the overwhelming urge to both go to the toilet and vom came back. Cue a mad dash back down my road and straight into the bathroom.

It's so draining though. And then it makes me cry. And I was still really hot so sat on my bathroom floor to cool down (totally normal). Rang my manager, explaining my mini escapade and that I was running more than a little behind. Fortunately he was understanding and just told me to calm down, see how I feel and let him know...

At work now though. Still feeling a tad on the unstable side (body, not mind this time!) with my stinging post-cry eyes, but I shall power through as only one can. Until tomorrow anyway!

So yes. That was my morning and it's fair to say I wasn't expecting the first few hours of today to result in me essentially hugging the toilet and crying.

I still don't know why my body did this? Could it be the Azathioprine being all weird as I'm only one full week in?

You have to laugh though. It's all so bloody unpredictable.

X

Balancing Act

Hmmm... yesterday didn't go so well.

Went to work as normal, had a niggling pain and felt a bit spaced out - but planned on just cracking on with the day.

Then I threw up. And then again.

Cue journey home and the hope that I didn't vomit on the underground.

When I got home I had some Oramorph, as it's the only painkiller that totally wipes out the pain. But it also meant that I was knocked out for 5 hours (didn't even get to watch the whole of Pocahontas!)

So this morning I have decided to work from home and will be going into the office this afternoon for a meeting. Power through, and all that.

It's just soooooo frustrating. And it's wearing me down.

It's the unpredictability of what's going to happen with my MRI on Friday...what I'll be told in the follow up appointments...and what this means for my own life and working life.

I'm not sure how to find a balance of doing 'normal' things, when I don't even know the true extent of what my insides are doing and what happens next?!

X

Sleep? Yes please.

I am struggling to stay awake and finding it very hard to just be awake...

I had to take some morphine yesterday as my stomach went into overdrive where pain is concerned, but this brought me to the inevitable post-morphine voms this morning.

And I haven't pooed at all today! WHAT IN THE BLAZE IS HAPPENING!?

I think this is partly the reason why I have continued to feel nauseous all day. Wahhhhhh.

In the meantime, going to try and get a cheeky doctors appointment for some pain relief that doesn't make me drowsy - so at least I can get through work this week before my scan on Friday.

Here's hoping I don't fall asleep on the tube and miss my stop!

X

When the going gets tough...

Jesus Christ yesterday was a hard day. It was physically, emotionally and mentally draining.

You know I said in my last post that we were going to give food a go? Well what happened after was what I like to call an epic fail.

I managed to have around three teaspoons of soup at lunchtime on Wednesday, as I just felt overwhelmingly full (bear in mind at this point I haven't eaten since Sunday) but felt more confident come dinner time and ordered red lentil soup - slightly chunkier than the soup at lunch - and a yoghurt. I finished the yoghurt and must have got around half of the soup finished. But about half hour later I started to feel really nauseous.

My stomach had literally inflated at all angles and had become very sore and very hard. I felt like if someone put a pin in me, I would whizz around the room. Except it wasn't wind. Oh no no.

Fell asleep thanks to a shit load of drugs and woke up feeling just as poorly on Thursday morning.

I had that whole 'watery mouth' thing going on, common to a pre-vom I have noticed. Yet to no avail. Just couldn't be sick. This could be down to not actually needing to be sick, just had bad nausea, or the fact my stomach muscles are still in shreds and have no strength to cough.

The doctors did their usual morning walk-round and I explained to them how I was feeling (through heavy tears) and they had a feel of my stomach. OUCH.

Turns out I may have 'ileus' which is a blockage of the intestines. It prevents movement of food, fluid and gas and is due to the lack of movement of the intestinal muscles. It is when your gut essentially shuts down due to something dramatic like trauma or major surgery.

I get booked in for an x-ray to make sure there's nothing untoward going on in my bowel, and also have an NG Tube explained to me...

Nasogastric intubation is a medical process involving the insertion of a plastic tube through the nose, past the throat and down into the stomach. I would need this for nasogastric aspiration (suction) which is the process of draining the stomach's contents via the tube, into a collector bag.

However I couldn't have anything to reduce my pain and bloat unless my body did something at either end: poo, vomit, fart. ANYTHING.

So there I was, just spitting into a cardboard bowl all day, convinced I'm going to vomit. But nothing happened. And then my nana and best friend from home come to visit. Welcome back Sod's Law.

No word of a lie, they must have been here maybe 5 mins max and I am chucking up the most disgusting tasting/looking/powerful vomit I've ever produced. I had to get my best friend to run and get a nurse because in the panic I threw my nurse button under the bed. I needed tissues. I needed help.

And then this happened:

Honestly? I cannot describe the pain and discomfort having this tube inserted. I tried every positive thinking technique whilst they were going through it all (and apparently I was doing "very well") but it was near on impossible to be ok with this new challenge.

I still managed to vomit twice with this tube inserted...which shouldn't happen, FYI. The collector bag should have collected what I was throwing up, but it wasn't. A few hours later and after shouting at the nurses (not so much at them, just kind of to them. Either way so sorry, I was very distressed) they removed the tube - all 56cm of it.

Fortunately I managed to get some more anti-sickness drugs pumped into me, got put back on sips of water and linked up to a drip again with multiple bags connected to my cannula. As well as some knock-out meds to help me sleep, because my god, I have NEVER felt so exhausted in all my life.

My mind boggles at how I am going to cope with these endless challenges my body throws at me!

X