I packed everything yesterday, so I could spend today relaxing and trying not to worry about what's happening tomorrow. And I realised that getting ready to go into hospital is very much like getting ready to go on holiday - albeit I will be on my way to the Surgical Admissions Lounge in the early hours, not the check-in desk at Heathrow.
You have to plan what clothes to take with you. You have to know what toiletries you need. You put aside some reading material. Update your iPod with relaxing songs. You have a shower, wash your hair and shave your legs...
See? Very much like holiday preparation.
But as you all know, I'm not going on holiday.
I hope you don't think I sound shallow or vain for plucking my eyebrows, shaving my legs or straightening my hair before I go in tomorrow. But for me, these are my little bits of normality that I am not going to have for a while. And if it makes me feel better knowing that my shins are as smooth as a baby's behind, then so be it.
I am praying to God that everything goes as well as it can for me before, during and after my surgery. But naturally I am also worried. I'm shitting myself, (although not literally speaking).
I'm so scared. I'm scared I might get a perforated bowel. I'm scared I might not wake up. I'm scared that even if it goes well, it's going to take me a very long time to feel like me again.
I know these are all normal thoughts, but it's a bloody weird feeling. Because I totally know it is to make me better and put me on the path of remission for my Crohn's. But it's also incredibly overwhelming when you just sit back and think about what's actually going to happen to me...(though some parts are still quite vague!)
But don't worry about me guys. I'm allowed a wee blip at times. My mind is very much full of Positive Mental Attitude as well!
So it is time I bid your farewell for now, as I enjoy my last night of freedom before the fasting begins.
Wish me luck!!
X